In the twinkling of an eye,

Umaizahrah has had retired yesterday.

I feel normal actually,

but seems like I still can't grasp the price of a Gold and Diamond.

Just don't understand why such a picture of retirement get so spammy in Facebook.

Everyone were like spam non stop about this picture and felt so disagree,

why someone commented that getting a gold and diamond refers to materialistic?

The fact is this pengetua is really good what, 

treated me so good like hell and always talked nicely to me.

Today,

after done a part of assignments - 350 words,

walked back from the uni around 9 pm,

my trousers and panties were stained by the menstrual blood.

Sigh! Again!

How many times I need to wash all these when I came period?

As usual,

while waiting the corn porridge to be cook,

I went in the bathroom had a long warm shower and washed my stained panties at the same time.

After I came out from shower around 30 minutes, 

porridge is cooked, switched off the electric cooker and had the dinner tonight.

After all those miscellaneous task,

finally it's time for me to lied on the bed and had a rest,

while I lying on bed,

I don't know why the first person I began to think was Pn Lye again.

I think of several nights ago - the conversation between hk and me,

Hk said lean jee said pn lye got no money to pay me even file lawsuits,

I recalled why mommy also said the same thing last time,

she said Pn Lye can't afford to pay ones.

I curious about 'roughly how much' and thus began to read Google as bedtime stories.

Firstly,

I typed into Google search engine

'How much cost for a physical assaulting case'

It really wrote the same thing as what mommy, lean jee and my lecturer said,

'there is no point charging a person who has no money'

under section of 178 - Bankruptcy and Insolvency Act,

for example,

the court awards you $500,000.00 

You can claim back that $500,000.00 from the assailant's assets such as bank account, house or cars.

There is no such thing as substitute liability from the third party,

so you only can claim that money from the assailant party.

The fact is they don't have the assets to pay off the judgement even after you take her house,

in such cases,

I am definitely out of luck that have a such defendant.

It is not a problem of filing law suit, but its the problem for me that I can't get blood from a stone.

LOL! That's the advantages of being a poor one.

Besides,

It came out with two types of assault;

it mentioned depends it is a simple or aggravated assault.

It defined simple assault as a one tight slap, punch or kick.

It defined aggravated assault as the level which beyond simple assault which caused severe or several parts of physical wounds on body.

I guessed in my case,

Pn Lye is under aggravated assault, 

it wrote the amount of money paid by assailant is depends on the 'future income loss' of the victim.

It wrote amount of money paid must depends on deadly weapon,

it defined deadly weapon as object which can caused death or serious injury such as gun, knife or wood.

Yes, now I can assumed or called her as the subject of assailant.

Because her every single condition is exactly stated in the description or explanation.

It wrote the money paid by assailant is depends on the victim's future income loss,

*Retyped from Google (enlarge)

1) Education - Emotional damage causes victims to drop out from school, fail, or not choose to pursue a specific plan of education that would allow them to have a future higher income.

2) Ability to work - Emotional damage causes victims to poorly perform or unable to perform in their workplace. Thus they are unable to move up the ladder of success in their professionalism.

Two examples are given as comparison:

Example #1 

John was assault as child causing him to experience emotional trauma. As a result, he got trauma in high school and eventually dropped out and got involved in drugs. John worked throughout the years but never build up career for himself. His average income was approximately $13,000 per year. The court may find that if John not been abused, he can obtained a middle class job with income $35,000 per year as a result of assault. Assuming he works until the age of 60, and started working at age of 20, he is out $22,000 per year and multiplied 40 years. This totals $ 880,000.

Example #2

Jane was in dental school when she was abused, as a result, she dropped out from school, and now only makes $20,000 per year. As a dentist, she could reasonable expect to $120,000 per year. Thus she is out $100,000 per year. Assuming she start working at age of 18 and retire at the age of 60. She is out $100,000 per year multiplied by 32 years. The totals $ 3,200,000

LOL!

 I felt like the 'Education' part is well described me, I got all three - drop out from school, fail and not choose to pursue a specific plan of education that would allow them to have a future higher income.

Thus,

I write out example #3 by my own at below.

Clarissa was in engineering school after she was abused, as a result, she failed, dropped out from school and not choose to pursue a specific plan of education, and now only foresee a $24,000 monthly income in the future. As an engineer, she could reasonable expect to $84,000 per year. Thus, she is out $60,000 per year. Assuming she start working at age of 25 and retire at the age of 60. She is out $60,000 per year multiplied by 35 years. The totals $2,100,000

*Even its not that much as dentist! But she going to pay for $2,100,000 !

After reading this,

I felt Pn Lye is somehow pity because no money to pay.

And finally understand the roughly amount of money she going to pay if being file lawsuit.

After that,

I even go google typed

'Is psychopath pity?'

It even came out

'The person who pity ain't psychopath, but goes to the innocent person or their target. Are you one of the target? Here is a test for you.'

LOL!

It even wrote like that,

it went in the link and took the test.

Funny!

It wrote I got 30 points and exactly I am the target. 

When I saw that,

I keep laughing myself. LOL!

I answered 10 questions,

and the questions are sort of 'are you come from strong financial background', 'are you able to pay for your tertiary education by your own', 'will you help people when people when they need help', 'will you help that person who abused you if they need help', 'have you know that person for up to many years', 'you are usually a person who keep quiet after all sorts of affairs'.

 I answered those questions with roughly 7 yes and 3 no.

Then it came out I am the target. HAHAHA!

After this quiz,

I suddenly think of lcl,

the way she always responded to me was like her mom really did not caned me for 40-50 times,

because she told Hung Kiat,

it was my father the one who caned me until like this, not them.

And she told me,

it was I am the one who kicked onto the wall when I sleep on the bed.

So,

the thing I want to know is lcl really think her mom never cane me 40-50 times or she genuinely knew they did in heart but never say out only.

Thus,

I went Google search engine and typed

'Do psychopath know they actually did fault or no?'

It came out someone asked like that. LOL!

And the answer came out this way,

From this article and its perspective,

it totally described lcl and pl,

a psychopath is prone to blaming others for their actions.

I even think of exactly true!

She is trying to project blame on others either on the victim or others,

she blamed my father it was my father the one who did it,

and blamed I am the one who knocked my leg when I was sleeping,

and blamed I was dreaming instead of real.

The explanation from the articles are exactly true,

people all around the world are not the same,

psychopath are all not the same too.

It wrote they will blamed others because lack of conscience,

they feel no guilt for causing harm,

so blaming others won't affect the way they think.

This is the question that I asked Hung Kiat before,

I asked him

'You think Lye Chuin Li simply bluffed like that, wont she think she harmed people by simply saying someone's name? Like saying father beat me, she wont think will hurt my father? Is like I caned your child, but I claimed you are the one who caned your child, like this wont very bad meh?'

Hung Kiat answered me the same thing as above,

he said

'I think she just think as long as she is protected, harm who also she dont mind.'

I said

'But dont you think like that is selfish? Dont care harm people, think of own self only?'

He said

'Super selfish lo.'

When I get the read the second person who left comment,

I felt that its true also,

they do secretly have a very small moment where they knew the fault but it doesn't last long.

Because I asked Hung Kiat this question before,

I asked him

'Do you think lcl think they got caned my leg until like that or she forgot already so the way she spoke is like never did before? But I remembered she really got saw, she stand beside me only. Or even she saw it, but forgot already?'

Hung Kiat answered me

'No lah! Wont forget ones... She knew in heart ones lah... but mouth say never only.'

I said

'How you know she wont forgot? She is the person who witnessed it only, not experienced. She never experience before, so she will forget.'

He said

'No lah! People who witnessed also impossible will forget ones, just like last time my mum everyday beat my maid, I also saw it, I where got forget?'

I said

'Oh... then you mean still remembered ones?'

He said

'Can lah!'

I said

'Then you think when both of them at home, how they talked about add math ones? They will said: We where got like that? Or they will say: We pakat tell her like this... which one?'

He said

'Of course is we pakat tell her like this lah... if lye chu in li really tell Pn Lye: We where got like that? I think Pn lye will bring her go see doctor. Haha!'

I said

'Really got so serious? You not say Pn Lye very thrifty ones, so she wont go and see doctor ones...'

He said

'No la... if too dangerous then will go and see lah, because if lye chuin li really tell pn lye behind that they never caned you like that, means something wrong with her memory already. If she says we pakat tell her blah blah blah all those, that one still normal, because she is conscious about what she witnessed.'

I said

'Then you mean lcl really knew in heart that Pn Lye really got caned me like that and never forget?'

he said

'Of course lah... impossible she cannot remembered what she saw...'

I said

'But if she stand beside me, and she saw Pn Lye beat me that way, how come she dare to tell me Pn Lye never cane my leg 40-50 times?'

He said

'Dont know, maybe she think you dont know lo, so she dare to tell you like this.'

I said

'I am the person who experienced, how can I dont know?'

He said

'Dont know her lah, maybe she got tested you before and she felt like you got some part you dont know, then just dare to tell you they never lo... and another reason is because she said she never already, so very shy want to got, so just nge nge say she never lo... just like last time you sleepwalking, your father asked you that you spoiled the phone is it? Before you know yourself sleepwalking, you already denied and say you never, but after you knew yourself sleepwalking, you also will shy ones mah... then just nge nge say you never only lo... so lye chuin li condition is same as you.'

I said

'Eh??!! Wait wait wait ! You said like that very true leh! Just like last time, I nge nge say never after I knew I sleepwalking, the way I bluffed same like lye chuin li, I said: Tell you not me means not me lah! You want me say how many times? Haha!'

He said

'Anah! Got same signs of telling lies haha!'

I said

'Aiya, last time is because before I know myself sleepwalking, I really think I never, so I said I never. But after I knew I sleepwalking, I scared if I say the phone I spoiled it when sleepwalking, then my father will think me first time said not me, second time say its me. Then will think I bluff. So in my family, I am the most honest child at home, so I dont want let them think I bluff, so I just continue say never, but if in the first place, I know myself sleepwalking, I will say I am the one who spoiled the phone because sleepwalking.'

He said

'Anah! I understand, so for lye chuin li also same as you, she also very shy want to say they did it, because the first time she already say they never.'

I said

'But my reason is because the first time I still dont know I sleepwalking, so I say I really never. Mine is in the condition I dont know. But hers leh? You think for her first time to answer this question, she really dont know meh?'

He said

'Hers is slightly different from yours, yours is you really dont know you spoiled the phone so you said you really never. Hers is because for her first time to answer this question, that time you still dont know mah, so since you dont know, she just said never only lo.'

I said

'So, the thing I want to say is, time can change a lot of things, time can discover a lot of things, you can found a lot of arousal through time, by slowly, you can begin to recall what had actually happened, just like the cny night when she beating me, at that moment, the same way she act during the add math incident, that is one of the arousal to my trauma, my mind suddenly recalled the things I never recall before, when I experienced the combination of my acts and her acts together at that moment, made me suddenly recalled the genuine flashback on the add math day, just like that cny night, when she beating me, I tried to hold her stick, I straight recalled of the same act I did that way when she caned me on add math day, this memory, I have had never recalled until that moment. When she hitting my leg on the cny night, I recalled the same way she caned me that way during add math day. When she keep beating me and I non stop struggling on the cny night, I recalled the exactly struggling way during add math day; both times non stop kicking and hopping on surface. But still, I want to thanks to the God for the cny night even its suffer, if not that night, I wont be able to recalled what had happened during add math day until today. Even a temporarily suffer on cny night, I am still really appreciate that I found the traumatic memory back that have been lost for years.'