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Why Do Some People Become Ghosts After Their Death?

  • February 16, 2013, 
  • Leave a comment, 
  • Author: CarlSim, 
  • Categories: Death
One mysterious topic that people fear to discuss about is that of a ghost. There are so many fearful stories related to ghosts that people often avoid this kind of topic. At the same time different people of different era have different viewpoints regarding ghosts, why people become ghost after death, who can see a ghost, how can a ghost can cause you trouble and so on.Due to so many viewpoints, it becomes very difficult to judge between the real and unreal facts.
People often think about the reasons as why people become a ghost. To come up with a final conclusion regarding why people become ghosts after their death, here are certain explanations given by different people and organizations.
The traditional view of ghosts is that they are the spirits of dead people that for some reason are ‘stuck’ between this plane of existence and the next, often as a result of some tragedy or trauma.Many ghost hunters and psychics believe that such earth-bound spirits don’t know they are dead. Veteran ghost hunter Hans Holzer wrote, “A ghost is a human being who has passed out of the physical body, usually in a traumatic state and is not aware usually of his true condition. We are all spirits encased in a physical body. At the time of passing, our spirit body continues into the next dimension. A ghost, on the other hand, due to trauma, is stuck in our physical world and needs to be released to go on.”
According to Wikipedia, “In traditional belief and fiction, a ghost (sometimes known as a spectre (British English) or specter (American English), phantom, apparition or spook) is the soul or spirit of a dead person or animal that can appear, in visible form or other manifestation, to the living.”
Extensive research work has been done by the Spiritual Science Research Foundation (SSRF) to help people understand ghosts in a better manner. According to the official website of Spiritual Science Research Foundation, it is said that “When a person dies only his physical body ceases to exist. His subtle body (consisting of the subconscious mind, intellect, ego and soul, i.e. minus the physical body) however continues to exist and moves on to the other regions of the universe.” Further according to this site, “People are likely to become ghosts after their death when:
  • They have many unfulfilled desires.
  • Many personality defects, such as anger, fear, greed, etc.
  • A lot of negative impressions in the mind.
  • A high amount of ego.
  • hey have harmed others and have the basic nature of harming others.
  • They lack spiritual practice consisting of progressive level of surrender of mind body and intellect, done with the intention of God-realization.”
There is another website Crystalinks.com where ghosts are defined as “spirits that come into manifestation in ectoplasmic form. They are spirits trapped between dimensions – usually third and fourth dimension. As with all things – ghosts have their own frequency signatures.”
At another website named www.healinghauntedhouses.com detailed information is provided by the writer about ghosts, spirits and other energies.
In order to understand the scientific explanation behind ghost sightings, you can check these siteswww.cracked.com and www.aformerskeptic.com. There are also references about ghosts in the holy Bible. To have some idea about what does the Bible says about ghosts and haunting, check this website www.gotquestions.org.
To conclude, some say people become ghost as they have unfinished business, some say there is nothing called ghost and some say the soul does not want to move logically forward and progress in life. Well, now it is up to you as whether you want to believe in ghosts or not.
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She,
gave me a lot of defensive reasons and excuses.
I don't really know whether all those are acceptable or not,
nonetheless those reasons are too ordinary; over frequently heard and even kinda bored.
To be frankly,
I still couldn't understand why she hates me.
She flatly refused to tells me the reason,
she keep saying
'I didnt' and 'I never'




But,
if she really didn't hates me,
why she would harmed me whenever she had the chances?
When I asked her to tell me honestly about the process of add math day.
She said she forgot already.
So, basically she just answered me three things throughout the 'interview',
which are 'I didnt', 'I never', 'I forgot' and 'I threatened'.
In conclusion,
my courage, efforts, energy and proposal have been in vain,
seems like I have to plan a new and effective one to achieve the answer.



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"Why not God patch up two fathers in a family instead of one father and one mother... There must be a reason behind it..."

 ~ By Clarissa



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  • 14
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1. You will meet amazing people.

While traveling with friends or a significant other can be a lot of fun, traveling solo for a certain amount of time can prove to be one of the most rewarding things you’ll ever do because of the great people you’ll meet.
When we travel with friends or a partner, we tend to stick to that little group of familiar faces and even though you’ll meet new people, the dynamics and interactions won’t be as deep and fulfilling. While you’re on your own on the road, you’re much more eager to meet travel buddies, team up with other travelers and generally reach out more in order to socialize.
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2. The overwhelming sense of absolute freedom.

When you travel on your own and you start meeting people and making awesome friends, you’ll probably team up with travel buddies and end up expanding your travel plans. You’ll probably change your plans once you hear about that amazing waterfall, that incredible desert beach, the opportunity to bungee jump from a high bridge, or taste a special delicacy you’ll only find off the beaten track.
When you’re traveling, you’re open to change and you’ll welcome it with open arms. The great thing is that you don’t have to fit into a group’s agenda, give explanations or disappoint anyone, you can follow your rhythm, desires and move like the wind.

3. Traveling alone challenges your fears and insecurities

This is a big one, especially if it’s your first solo experience. I remember the first time I traveled when I was 18 and moved to London on my own for 3 months to be an au pair and live with a local family. I was terrified of the unknown, but if I would have surrendered to that fear, I would have never get to know the strong, courageous and adventurous side of me. I was scared, but I did it anyways and by the 3rd day, I was really proud of myself. From then on I never let fear stop me. 16 years and many adventures later, I still have a little voice inside my head, asking: “What if something goes wrong?” “What if you get into trouble?” This is normal and perfectly human; fear exists for our own protection and boosts our awareness. But we shouldn’t let it control our lives.
Safety can be a great comfort, but common sense is the key. Read and research a lot before you travel, check out hostel reviews, and research feedback from other travelers in forums and blogs. Respect the local culture and I guarantee you’ll be fine.

4. Fall in love.

Everyone wants to find their better half and much is said about failed relationships while on the road. It doesn’t have to be like that! We find love when we meet someone who shares our interests, dreams, and goals. While traveling solo you’ll meet so many people from all walks of life that falling in love might just happen. Whether it will be a great summer love or end up at the altar, no one knows, but there are many people out there with amazing stories.
If you already have a partner, this time away can boost your passion and once you’re back, you’ll appreciate each other’s company more.

5. You can take the time to nurture yourself.

If you have a stressful life back home, either studying hard or working too much, traveling on your own can be the time to take some time off and nurture yourself.
Whether you’re a backpacker traveling cheap or if the sky is the limit as far as your budget goes, you can use this time to pamper yourself. Indulge in rich and delicious local meals which will boost your energy and health, take long walks on the beach by sunrise, or get a massage. Do some yoga and relax a lot. Enjoy all the wonderful things you deserve, and understand that happiness is a birth right, not a privilege.

6. You’ll have a chance to recreate yourself and be who you want to be.

While traveling solo, you can leave your grumpy, tired old self behind and start to be a new you. Explore parts of your personality you are not very comfortable or familiar with. When on the road, you might be challenged by unexpected factors and be positively surprised how well you respond to them. Empower yourself by unleashing the wonderful, irresistible and intelligent person you are, but whom you’ve neglected in your everyday routine.

7. You can finally take time to leave everything else behind.

Just disconnect from the world for a while. Turn off your mobile, “forget” to check you emails for a few days… don’t think about the bills, the responsibilities, the duties and problems. Leave them behind.
Some of the most intense creative times or the ones where we find the solutions for all our problems are actually the moments when we disconnect and stop worrying. Have you ever tried to remember a name or a date and you just can’t spit it out, but after you quit trying it pops out? It’s the same for the rest of life. Sometimes our brains need to get rid of old thoughts in order to be able to create space for new ones, better ones. So just disconnect yourself from everything and you might be amazed by how fresh you’ll feel once you get back home. TC mark



And the actual reason that I going United States alone for this time is actually number 7,
doubtlessly I just want to take time to leave everything else behind,
either the love one or the hate one,
I wanted to forget them desperately.
This is the reason I want to relax alone at the beach,
having tours alone around the state,
travelling as far as possible,
try the things that I usually like it but nobody would like it,
such as horse riding, cycling and beaching.
I bet mommy don't like it and can't tolerate it,
so this time,
just let me be myself,
relax myself without restriction.
Purchase whatever things that I like without asking her opinions,
wearing whatever clothes that I like without her agreements.
Honestly,
I feel so stress when stick with her as she putting too much of expectation and blaming towards me all the time.
Even today,
I went Sunway bought a Laura Mercier make up products,
when paying the bill,
I told the make up consultant 
'Haha! I have to put all these into my bag, dont let my mum see it.'
She even asked me back
'Why you bought something cant let your mum see it?'



After she asked me this question,
I even asked myself again and again
'Ya, why I cant let her see it? Why I got this reaction? Is it came from the excessive blaming from her?'
The actual factor I do not know,
but I just have a sense of unhappiness when staying with her,
just fly back malaysia for 5 weeks,
I just feel like quickly fill up my schedule as soon as possible,
planned to have 2 weeks vacation in U.S.A, another 2 weeks preparing for exam, another 1 week plan to have full time high tea with my babes or staying at KL with friends for most of the time.
Eldest sis just told me today that daddy is planning to have a family trip to Thailand,
so he will be adjust the plan based on my America trip.
Without hesitation,
my heart don't feel like going Thailand with them at all,
I straight told her
'12th and 14th I got exam, and after that I'm going to America for 2 weeks until end of July when I come back, I'm going back to Australia already. You all go lah, I never mind ones...'
She said
'Har... papa want to go thailand because of you come back leh...'




To be frankly,
I just dislike travel with mommy,
the major factor is because I dislike her over economize pattern during travel,
besides than can't provide the things I want,
and I feel very annoy when she said this expensive and that expensive but still insist to want something,
and then end up hesitating for an hour.
It's a piece of cake actually,
if she wants, then just buy it, if she feels expensive, then just brush off.
I feel like there's no necessary to speak out as it will only cause annoyance.




In the first place,
I only dislike her a little bit,
but after the 'flight ticket' incident - she flatly bought the Air Asia promotion seat for me even I already told her in earlier that the seat caused suffering to me.
After this incident,
I really started dislike her to the maximum point because I really can't accept that my own mother trying to cause hurt to me.
She could because of thrifty and did anything inconsiderately including hurting her child,
to be honest,
I still can't accept this fact until now that my mum could because of her own sake and trying to put me into suffering.
After this incident,
I read up a lot of Google advices to make myself chill in the midnight or when I think about it.
Now, to be frankly,
I still cannot comprehend what is the actual figure of being a mother.
Is mother just like a normal friend of us, or a best stranger, or a carer ?
I really can't figure out this identity and feel so strange.
I thought the only person will harm us in the world is a stranger or an outsider,

but I really don't know a closest person to me might hurt me because of her inconsiderate too...




I guess,
in this world,
besides than him,
no one else could sacrifice for me any more.
Parents are not a trusted figure.
After this 'flight ticket' incident,
I feel like I'm going back to hk because I think that besides than him,
no one else in this world is going to sacrifice for me,
ultimately I grasped the concept

'There is only a word of love to judge everything, someone sacrifice for you depends how much he/she loves you, no matter how rich is a person, if she does not love you, $3000 is an extremely big figure, and no matter how poor is a person, as long as he loves you, $3000 could be a very insignificant figure in his eye.'



My heart can concluded that I still need him,
it's so sudden I realized what is so called a love.
I know I'm having duplicity state right now.
Anyhow, in spite of that,
I know I can't go back to him any more no matter how much he loved me.



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JUST DONT UNDERSTAND WHY I SO HATE HER!!!!

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Huay Ching Ngoh, Clarissa

110108911

Criminal Law Major Essay - assignment 3

Topic: "There will always be crime". Discuss.




If there is no justice in the world, no one is going to be arrested (Henslin 2008, p.231).Thus there will always be crime in the society and there are different styles of crimes across different social boundaries. The white-collar crimes of premium classes often settle their issues outside the court whereas the police and court are more likely to dealt with street crimes of lower classes. The disadvantage of lower classes crimes are more likely to stay in prison or in detention. A research question is carried out in this essay that  how do social inequalities impact on individual's life. A few explanations of theories in this essay will help us to grasp the arguments of why there will always be crime in the society; these social inequalities include the influences of family life, mental health, geographical role and immigration.


First of all, when considering about family violence as a cause of crime, despite it is a common sense for us to perceived that victims of child abuse are more likely to grown up as abuser and have a tendency towards family violence, but there has been little or no attention paid to these victims in criminal justice policy making. Thus, it is good to establish policies based on a recognition that crime prevention policies needs to be more concern in woman abuse and child abuse. Many researchers focused on the cycle of violence theory and the problems of the methodologies involved;to proposed that there is no adequate 30 years study with controls and making any conclusions so far with fully speculation (Thornton et al, 1987, p.207). Today, there are only theoretical studies and an empirical evidence to uphold the view that no apologies need to be made for the fact that most studies in this field are still reviewing (Sorenson et al, 1989). On the other hand, Wilson and Herrnstein (1985) debated that it would be foolish to ignore the general agreement particularly since it displays with common sense. The consensus is that men who are violent to woman are most probably had the chance of experience family violence during childhood. Besides, these men are not only violent in the family but also outside the family which cause crimes in the society.



There are a few distinct theories to illustrate why men are violent and why women are tolerated it. First, based on social learning theory, Giles-Sims (1985) discovered children who are abused learned the example that violence is a right way to solve issue. Secondly, a medical model theory perceived violence as a disorder or virus. From medical perspective, violence cycle is perceived as a sort of pathology, for example, personality malfunction and pathological lying (Knudson, 1988, p.17). Besides, Edleson et al (1985) proposed that men usually justify their own behaviour by claiming their violent childhoods. Maybe they read cues from the research papers that this is the exactly excusable reason. As a discussion result, Feldman et al (1986) proposed a few models to demonstrate violent behaviour caused by the past abused, such as showing rage, bad parenting role and a lack of parental attachment. More than that, Shengold (1979) claimed that these explanations are not enough and disputed that the repetitive abusive behaviour damages ability of a child to feel empathy for other victims.


Secondly, in the aspect of mental health, the assumption that mental disorder is a cause of crime, but conceptually, empirical evidence revealed that it is neither crime nor causation, it is about explicit concepts (Arckarsater et al. 2009). Mental health indicated the manifold aspects of an individual such as psychological experiences, cognitive abilities as well as behaviour patterns. Based on the lawmaker’s point of view, the assumption of relationship between mental disorder and crime has great impact. Most countries need defenders to take accountability for their own actions, but mental disorder is a best excuse to minimize their punishments. In Sweden’s penal law, there is an exception of imprisonment for crimes who committed crimes under severe mental disorder and this has become a factor to lead more crime rates. Probabilistic theory explains the relationship between determining factors and consequences as an increased probability of the effect in risk factor (Cartwright, 1979 &Reichenbach, 1956). The term of ‘probability’ meant by particular forms of mental disorders are more likely to be interrelated with certain forms of criminal acts. In other circumstances, risk factors can be assumed as coincidence or reflections of general causes. By utilizing the method of probabilism, scientific research has been well proven than experimental models testing the causing effect.


 In the empirical evidence, a number of longitudinal studies have shown that “hyperkinetic conduct disorder” (WHO,1990) which serve as a leading factor of criminality as these victims have difficulty adjusting behaviours to a certain norm and possess aggressive behaviours.  Thus, it showed an increased risk to develop any other mental disorders in adulthood which will lead to criminality in later (Kim-Cohen et al, 2003). Furthermore, other surveys showed that schizophrenic patients always had discontinued their treatment prior to committing an act of violence (Arango, Bombin, Gonzalez-Salvador, Garcia-Cabeza&Bobes, 2006), yet it is still unknown that there is a causative relationship between this discontinued of treatment and the act of criminality. Besides, in the controlled trials, research also revealed the fact that treatment for schizophrenia has no link to the risk of violent crimes. As a result, it may be assumed that aggressive individuals with particular disorders are at increased risk of growing into adult crimes and a record with mental health. In the discussion of the research, it showed that the relationship between mental disorder and crime should not consider as conspicuous.



Thirdly, McDowall and Loftin (2009) have surveyed whether crime is a trait or geographical disaggregated crime rates. In the process of surveying, they discussed a few interrelated empirical issues such as the national and sub-national role as determining factors in criminological theory.First of all, a number of interrelated empirical issues can be gather up as the extent to which previous research has used national-level data in the crime analysis and disregard the possibility of variation in disaggregated series and then observed at the relationship between national and disaggregated crime rates. Subsequently, McDowall and Loftinsummarize these issues as follows. In the first place, they cite research by using city and neighbourhood-region data without considering potential variation (Levitt, 2004; Zimring, 2007). However, this method outcome has always does not show a close relationship between behaviour at national and disaggregated level. Through the application of Vector Auto-Regressive (VAR) to a panel of change in city-level crime rates, McDowall and Loftin measured the degree of a national crime tendency through the examination of connection of a temporal puppet variable with change in crime risks.



 As an outcome, McDowall and Loftin (2009) discovered an indirect examination of regional variation in US crimes rate through consideration of the degree to which disaggregated city-level crime rates are promoted by national factors. A full series of data is carried out in the annual observation of US crime rates across 50 states (O'Brien & Cook, 1965-2009). Thereby, the level of geographical disaggregation considered the result of the research in the 50 area units. The data are implemented by the Federal Bureau of Investigation through the Uniform Crime Reporting Statistic website. The set of data included violent crimes, murder, rape, robbery, assault, property crime, thefts and motorcycle crimes. The tally result came out that violent crime found to be the sum in four categories of crime listed whereas property crime is the sum in three categories of crimes listed. In the discussion of results of the previous research, repeated reference has been used to observed a quick growth in crime from 1960's to 1980's and fall in 1990's (Inter Alie, Cook and Zarkin, 1985; Witt and Witte, 2000; McDowall and Loftin, 2005; Arvanites and DeFina, 2006). This caused three different periods in the growth of national crime rates in United States and has lead to some related references such as 'Crime Boom of the 1960s'.



Lastly, based on the empirical case of Spain, the relationship between crime and immigration has been becoming an argument around the globe. From 1999 to 2009, Spain had a higher rate of immigration from different countries of the world and at the meanwhile it is found that there was a growth in crime rates. Comparatively to other European countries which had the similar high immigration rate during the same period, crime rates in Spain increased less considerably. Thus, it is proven that there is a significant relationship between crime and immigration. Nonetheless, the factor is found in the certain features of the different immigrant groups, especially in the amount and type of human capital (JEL K42, J15, C23, C25). Some studies have looked at data from United States, but they found out the relationship between crime rates and immigration do not have a consistent pattern (Butcher et al 1998). However, the European Union (EU) has a different circumstance from United State, in the late of 1990s, immigration from the outside of the EU is not really obvious, but Spain considered the special case. Spain had a significant but not dramatic increased rate in crimes, whereas there was a very obvious increased immigration rate in a short certain period. Thus, this puzzling fact had tell that there is a strong relationship between immigration and crime.


 The first significant response is there is no casual relationship between crime and immigration in Spain, anyway based on the econometric analysis, this relationship does present and  quite obvious. The analysis demonstrated the changed of the crime rate over the last decade showed that the two factors are somehow interrelated. The economic model of crime is used to determine the rational comparison between the benefits and the consequences of committing a crime (Becker, 1968; Garoupa, 1997; Polinsky and Shavell, 2000). And in this case, the second response interpreted the growth of economic in Spain over the last decade had attracted the labour immigrants in Spain. Therefore, when the benefiting area provided a higher salary for everyone and subsequently had lead to the opportunity of crime rates in Spain. In order to distinguish between nations and immigrants in a data, Spanish Labour Force Survey assumed individuals who have completed at least secondary education at the regional level as the criteria of being a nation, and respectively classified into two age groups which are 15-24 and 25-34 years old. For every crime rate measurement, they have used three different estimation methods and show the result in a descriptive statistic (legal reform, 2003), which are the ordinary least squares (OLS) estimations of the untransformed model to serves as a benchmark, Hansen-Sargan test to examine the validity of the instrument and AR(2) test as error autocorrelation (Roodman, 2006). Based on the estimation results from the different crime types which classified into felony rate, property crime rate, misdemeanours crime rate and crime rate, the result show that presence of immigrants at the different states have certain impact on crime rates, different immigrants have different characteristics and previous crime history of the immigrants brought up the crime rate.


As a conclusion, crime can be concluded as a price of inequality whether in the aspect of family life and mental health or in the aspect of immigration and geographical role. One of the possible factor of immigration is the former civil war of the origin countries which lead to nations emigrating initially and caused a new long-term anti-social behaviour in another new country. To some extent, the unhappy childhood may only experienced by a number of immigrants from a certain country, and thus it depends on the adaptation level of individuals. Under this circumstance, these conditions would not largely affected for everyone but a part of remnants. However, the majority of the gap in the crime list between the children of immigrants and children of pure European, as opposite to what has been previously proposed, crime can be explained by differences in family and also neighbourhood resources. The most crucially, the bulk of crimes still came from the childhood environment. This factor is crucial and may apply to everywhere around the globe, for which reason we believe that we should put our research into practice to reduce the criminality in the society.


(2,033 words)

References list:
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Happiness is defined by a state of pleasurable feeling that someone is addicted to that contentment.
Frankly speaking,
I gotten that contentment right now,
feel so contented for my current life in spite of the hectic assignments come and passed.
I believed this is the way that God teach me how to handle stress for the future usage.
I do not know when I will leave this world, but before my life ended in this earth,
at least I have a God mother to talked to me every night,
joked around; sharing any informative news and laughed out our bellies,
at least I have a god sister, two god brothers and two god sisters-in-law whom often juggled with me and teasing around.
And the most  unforgettably,
at least I have someone who loved me some time in the past,
I didn't denied that he was to personate a lover and also a father's role in my heart, whom didn't fail to protected me and cared me when I needed.
He's the one who whole-heartedly gave me emotional support when I went through the ups and downs.
I acknowledged that I didn't even receive before such a perfect love in life until he had given me,
until now,
I keep persuade myself he is only a replacement of father's role rather than a real deep love.



Indeed,
he loved me heatedly in past and even now,
he selflessly protected me when I'm in trouble,
but yet,
I started to become aware of I'm actually taking these people as a role of imaginative family members.
Doubtlessly,
 I loved  them so much in my deep down,
particularly the one that I just lost in a couple of months ago.
Well,
losing him is not a big deal actually,
I still have a complete picture of a family with Kaima and so many god brothers and god sisters.
I felt contented now and I do not need more than that any more,
my current happiness is far more beyond than enough,
thanks God for bestowed me an external mother whom gave me priceless love,
whereas the man who does not attributed to me, I willing to let go him.
It's time to wake up from my own reverie...






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Going United States soon,
I hope this two weeks vacation could slacken my heavy heart,
and wish mommy don't disappoint me at the last minute,
she always allows in the first place but giving a lot of excuses not to go at the last minute.
Go or not to go, I'm fine actually,
because my current overpowering stress have been overshadowed my decision.
At times,
I am really depressive, feel like not going anywhere,
feel like having a cup of coffee; sitting alone and ponder my own past about what I had experienced,
I know this is not the right thing for me to do,
but I just feel like I have a strong feeling to attract me to do be depressive.
Sometimes,
being alone and depress a little bit make me feel better.




Now,
I'm undergoing a huge stress that I have a heap of assignments to complete and submit,
I have university exams to sit before I fly back Malaysia,
I have oncoming IELTS exam to examine my capability towards English.
The most importantly,
I have heavy doubts in my heart to question that particular person,
I'm thinking how to raise the questions to 'stabilize' both sides.
At this moment,
I just feel like my shoulder is too heavy to bear these stress,
I experienced insomnia in the late midnight despite medicine has been taken.
I slept at 5am and woke up at 3pm on the next day.
Just need to inhale some fresh airs to release my current stress.





I do not have much time to survive in this world any more,
feel like I'm suffering from liver disease and this disease is worsening me.
I remembered this is what the psychic told me that I would suffer and now I'm starting to experience the symptoms. 
She said my cause of liver disease in the future is due to long-term lack of sleep, insomnia, long-term medication intake and insufficient of water in my body.
I feel like this disease cutting my life day by day and shorter and shorter,
but I feel like I can survive one more day after each day, it's my pleasure to live,
I'm actually inspired by my Public Relations lecturer,
vividly recalled when a bunch of girls teased him in class and asked him
'Sir, why are you using such a long straw for drinking your hot coffee? Hahahaha!'
The lecturer answered
'Im actually suffered from brain cancer, and I undergo operation on my mouth, so I can't taste the flavour of foods and drinks on my lips after the operation, so I have to used straw to suck the coffee and reach my inner mouth to sense the flavour of the coffee. So that is a reason behind of it.'
The girl was like so sorry for asking,
she said
'Awwww... sorry about asking... because I just curious why you need a long straw when drinking a hot coffee?'
The lecturer said
'That's alright, the doctor said I only left not more than 1 year to survive. So I just survive and enjoy the things I like to eat and drink before I leave this world. So when I get to opened up my eyes in every morning, I feel like I am so lucky that I'm still surviving.'


After this statement,
I feel so true and was inspired by what Mr. David said.
He told us we wouldn't know when we pass away, it could be next day or could be next year,
so what we have to do in this world is treasure our life,
enjoy to the fullest when we are still surviving,
I fully agreed from what he said,
I can sense that I have a shorter life span than the rest people,
because I am actually weaker than the rest homo sapien,
I need daily medicine to keep my life moving on,
if not I will be fallen.
I wouldn't tell daddy and mommy for my current condition right now,
because I don't want let them have any psychological preparation to worry me day by day until I leave this world.
Especially mummy,
when I told her something, she must be nag and scold or speak some negative words,
thus I rather pass away suddenly to make everyone around me sad once and all but not all the time.



Perhaps,
now I been grown up,
the way I perceived things are more matured and factual now,
one of my friend's friend (I do not know him),
he's suffering from HIV and will pass away any time in a short period,
he's barely 22 years old,
now he's like awaiting his date of death,
he didn't tells his mum and none of his family members know that.
Now,
he had stop working and fully enjoy his life,
he tried to experience as much as possible things that he haven't tries.
Yet,
this concept applies to my case,
now I don't look far away any more,
I'll concentrate on my current life like concentrate in my degree studies and also further studies such as Master.
But I do not think about work first, I put this thing aside,
because I worry that I can't walk till so far,
I have a limited sense of survival.
At this point,
I tried to revolve this world as much as possible,
if I could go to United States I just go, if I can't go then just brush off.
That's it.




I feel like to forgive everyone whom hurt me in my childhood,
particularly my parents whom treated me harshly and unfairly in my tender age.


Much more importantly,
the most I want to forgive is Pn Lye,
because I know I don't have much time to left any more,
besides than that I eager to know the rounded answers before I leave this world.
Somehow,
I feel like I take the relationship with Pn Lye more seriously when compared to my parents,
because I feel that actually I weren't involve much in my family bonds,
since young,
daddy been working all the way and didn't talk much to me at home,
even until now, still the same.
While mommy, 
I disliked talk to her because she always being too negative,
whenever you tell her anything, she must be having something to criticize. 
So, we seldom talk as well.
While my other siblings,
they have their own peer circles and partners,
and I guessed they do certainly behave like me as well; the non-involving kids.


Or perhaps,
I would like to say our home is too big,
we seldom see each other and therefore seldom talk to each other.
And even,
I can conclude that I never and ever dream of my family members so far,
because I'm actually non involving in my family so how could I dream of them?
They don't even have pieces of memories for me to dream of them. LOL!
Instead I only dream of Pn Lye or her family members,
because they created too much memories for me despite it's something negativity.
At times,
I could even dreamed of some contents which are particularly real and even made me can't distinguish which is real and which is unreal. 
As conclusion,
I realized that I'm actually involving too much in outside matters rather than my own family matter.
But I'm so lucky that I don't have conflicts in my family,
I meant I prefer to be non involving rather than conflicts involving.
To be frankly,
sometimes when my parents didn't ring me and I could totally survive in my world and didn't think of them at all until they ring me.
Just like last time I keep crying in the phone and told daddy
'I very scared that Pn Lye want to beat me and harm me again.'
Daddy could even said
'Why you would still think of her? When you never mention this person name, I totally never think of her until you remind me now. I langsung forgot already.'


(But that's true! Daddy and Pn Lye not close also, if I didn't mention, sure he didn't think about her lah! Common sense.)

Me too, I understand what daddy meant now and also able to grasped this common sense,
sometimes when daddy never call me,
I really didn't think of his face or his image until he rang me,
frankly speaking,
I am saying that I only think of him when reminder about him crossed my mind.
I can also said that we have been long time didn't talk to each other,
approximately since the time when he and Huay ling visited me in Australia,
about 1 year ago? LOL!
Even when I was at home and we having dinner together,
I wouldn't think about him even we spent time together,
I guessed it's because of we didn't talk so I wouldn't think about him?



Let's assuming Pn Lye as a case example,
let say if she didn't talk to me I think we wouldn't have story today even if we seeing each other everyday in school.
If she didn't told me
'Go back to class' or 'Come down' or 'Come out' or 'You want me to call police' or 'You want me to take the cane' or 'You want me to call ambulance',
I think I wouldn't have impression towards her in my daily memories.
Thus I guessed this is the power of memories or power of conversation,
if someone don't create memories for you, you wouldn't even recall his/her face.













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About me

Nothing struggled at 25; live a pretty simple but self-indulgent lifestyle, do not expect less but eager an extravagantly peaceful life.

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