Tomorrow,

it will be a brand new year of 2014.

Tomorrow,

it has a deep significance to me.

Tomorrow,

it tell me that I am actually entering into the fifth year of post-trauma.

Indeed,

my worst enemy is my memory...

My heart is so heart-wrenching till now,

the feeling of hurt and pain resemble I am losing my own child,

it's indescribable painful to someone who actually experience this trauma.

In Chinese calendar, it has been 5 years;

in English calender, it just 4 years and 1 month.

However, regardless of the date,

these flashbacks have been planted in my mind since long time ago till now,

the most I think of is the image of the person instead of the incident.

Due to the few years intake of medication for the sake of suppress traumatic flashbacks,

I have been seriously getting better and better,

a lot people who concerned of me had aware of my improvement and recovery.

But another aftermath happened right now,

due to the long term medication, my liver has been start spoiling now :(

In most serious circumstance,

my liver will get harden and ultimately arouse vein blockage which lead to heart disease.

But the truth is I can't stop my pill at all,

as if once I stop the pill,

I might be fainted on the following day due to overtiring from sleep deprivation. 

Overall,

these are the aftermath of add math incident,

previously,

I thought the trauma of add math incident would be merely caused psychological disturbance to me,

but now the physical condition is so serious now till I am stunned and speechless.

I can't move forward nor move backward,

I can't do any best choices for myself,

I can't stop my pill nor restrict my liver get worsened,

I really hatred this person in my life and I will hate her forever,

she is the one who caused so much life long inconvenient to me,

if not her action of the day,

I won't be having so much troublesome and health problems today.

Anyway,

hi world of 2014,

hope I will be fine and healthy in the year of 2014 or if possibly throughout my life :)

Few days ago,

just hang out with Michelle - my bestie in childcare centre when I was 10 years old.

Both of us stayed very near to each other,

she stayed at Taman Sentosa and I asked at Bukit Istana,

so she could just fetched me out any time to anywhere!

The first place,

we went Simply Fish restaurant sat down and ordered  a big Australian Steak on the menu,

the portion is exactly enough for both of us to shared.

Now,

she is studying accounting at USA and her elder brother is studying accounting at Australia Brisbane.

Both of us talked about the culture difference between USA and Australia.

We talked about safety, living cost and course duration.

Honestly,

I am a little bit regret choose to study in Australia :(

She told me USA has more attraction such as disney land and Australia is more relaxed,

plus she said living costs at USA is much cheaper.

My inner wild make my heart itchy!

Because I even think of the California disney land that I went when I was 16.

The unlimited roller coaster attractions and the irresistible fascinating park made my heart melt.

She asked me how much is my weekly rental?

I said weekly aussie dollar $250, one month cost $1000.

She said same there! She is staying US dollar $1000 too!

When I asked her about the currency,

she said 3.3 ! Same as Australia!

She asked me go over USA study master degree when I graduate!

Yeap! I am planning. 

After a rich research from Google,

I think I will be going USA for my master degree.

She even laughed at my lifestyle in Australia,

she said

'I am sure you are pretty bored at Australia because from your pictures in Facebook, I can see out you always go beach and high tea. Because Australia is basically a beach country. My brother study at Brisbane, he also always went beach! Hahaha!'

I asked

'What about UK?'

She said

'UK also not bad, but USA got more attraction. UK is more urbanization but nothing much on attraction, the advantage of study in UK is their tuition fees cheaper.'

I said

'But from the world map, UK very small ones right?'

She said

'Anah! Smaller than Australia and USA. That is why I said UK nothing much on attraction. They only focus in the city like they got a lot of cafes like that only.'

I said

'Australia also got a lot of cafes but Adelaide, my place not many only. But the rest state a lot, like I visited Melbourne and Sydney, the whole street is all beautiful cafes. Tasmania is same like Adelaide, but cooler only.'

She said

'For UK is a lot of things to eat, because they got a lot of restaurant and cafes.'

I said

'Anoh! I got friend study at UK, she always post the foods and drinks she had at cafes.'

She said

'You come USA lah, more attraction, a lot roller coaster and shopping, high tea and beach all got.'

I said

'Of course lah! You know USA is 10 times bigger than Australia?'

She laughed and said

'Hahaha! I dont know the size, I only know USA is bigger than Australia only. The tuition fees in USA is cheaper than Australia, but the living costs are the same. You go Google survey the university lah, come here study master with me lah.'

I said

'Ok ok, I go back survey.'

After surveyed,

I really think of study Master degree at USA !

Look ! USA is cheaper and she said got a lot of attractions some more!

 

Australia, USA and UK are the three most expensive countries for foreign students, said a study by HSBC. The study was done on data available on higher education in 13 countries around the world. The study also found the cost of education was lower in Germany, with low tuition costs and cost of living.

 

According to the study, Australia is the most expensive country for overseas students with the  combined annual average cost of university fees and living expenses at over $38,000 per year for international students.

 

The second most expensive country is USA, with the combined annual average cost of university fees and living expenses at over $35,000 for international students. However, overseas students in Ivy League universities could pay over two thirds (67%) on top of this amount, with average total costs reaching US$58,760 a year. 

 

The UK was third most expensive overall with annual fees of $19,291 and living costs of $10,177. 

 

International student costs in UAE, Singapore and Hong Kong are all above $20,000 per year, as a result of higher costs of living in these three premier emerging market destinations. 

 

International students studying in Germany pay an average $635 for study costs and a further $5,650 in living costs, bringing the annual total to $6,285, a sixth of the cost of studying Australia, the study said.

 

Malik Sarwar, HSBC spokesperson said, ''Those who wish to educate their children overseas need to consider more factors than simply tuition fees, such as living costs, exchange rates and inflation in their estimates of total costs. On average, living expenses can comprise at least a third of total costs and parents need to budget for travels back home during school holidays. As such, there is a need for parents to ensure their children’s education forms an important part of their financial planning.”

Average annual cost of studying abroad for international students
Country	Annual Fees	Annual Cost of Living	Annual Total
Australia	$25,375	$13,140	$38,516
United States	$25,226	$10,479	$35,705
United Aram Emirates	$21,371	$6,004	$27,375
United Kingdom	$19,291	$11,034	$30,325
Canada	$18,474	$7,537	$26,011
Singapore	$14,885	$9,363	$24,248
Hong Kong	$13,182	$9,261	$22,443
Japan	$6,522	$12,642	$19,164
Russia	$3,131	$6,310	$9,441
China	$3,983	$4,783	$8,766
Taiwan	$3,270	$4,987	$8,257
Spain	$1,002	$6,004	$7,006
Germany	$635	$5,650	$6,285
in US$/per year

 

Finally!!! Back in my own bed!! Had do much fun holidaying! — feeling tired.

Oh no!

Lye Chuin Li went UK for holidays instead of studying,

she just came back in 5 hours ago!

She felt tired now,

holy cow! I thought she went there for studying as Datin told me she went 9 months!

So fast,

she just went there one day,

now flown back already :(

Sad! Tears dropped !

Actually,

I do not afraid of her at all,

but don't know why people always thought I afraid of her.

The most funny is Hung Kiat!

He said I am too obvious already and ask me not to so obvious! LMAO!

He said

'Funny! When saw Lye Chuin Li at home, then 3 days never come, when know Lye Chuin Li went UK already, once you came straight came 7 rounds! LOL!'

I can't stop laughing when he said like that,

because I am actually don't notice my own behavior until someone beside me mentioned about it.

He said I am too obvious already,

then I told him that I am not afraid of lye chuin li at all.

He said

'You not afraid also people will think you afraid because too obvious already. Pn Lye will think you afraid.'

I said

'She dont know I came.'

He said

'She dont know meh?'

I said

'Dont know lah!'

He said

'Ohhh then she dont know lo... if she knew you came sure she will think you scared of lye chuin li because too obvious already haha! You must pretend a bit, when knew lye chuin li went UK already, behaved like normal, do normal frequency rounding. Like 2-3 rounds enough, if suddenly too many times people will think you scared.'

Absolutely,

now when I relate back my behavior and from what Hung Kiat said,

I agreed from what Hung Kiat said,

I am a little bit of obvious even I am not afraid of her! LOL!

Finally!

Lye Chuin Li went UK!

Yoo hooo!!!!

Thing came this way,

yesterday I saw lye chuin li's facebook picture wrote

'Love this so much'

But when I looked at what Lye Chuin Li wear,

a thin outer jacket,

I guessed

'Or they went Sunway Pyramid for skiing only?'

But on the contrary,

I think of

'Not correct, if go skiing only her friend need to wear so pretty?'

'Why Lye Chuin Li make up? She must be in western country only she make up, just like me, I make up as usual in Australia just because their culture practise make up.'

'If she is in Malaysia, she make up for what?'

Lastly,

I spotted the semi-visible scarf on her friend's neck.

At that time,

I am 80% confirm that they are in UK,

because I knew when Australia is summer, UK is winter.

Both of these countries are in opposite season.

Hehe! This is why the reason I choose to study in Australia because every chinese new year can come back! LOL!

But UK only got summer break during July instead of January!

I come back during July for what? Nothing also :D

The most important is ANG PAO ! Haha!

After this confirmation,

I do a double confirmation with Datin when we were in car,

I asked Datin

'Datin, Lye Chuin Li go UK already ah?'

Datin said

'Ah... went already, go 9 months only.'

after that,

I don't know what I giggled,

I never laugh or smile actually,

I just slightly opened my mouth as usual and continued look in front,

a very suddenly around 5 seconds,

vivian even asked

'Why you asked and why you laughed ah? Harrrrr....... plan what to do ah??'

I laughed and said

'I never laugh, my mouth is like that ones... and I just asked only, asked for concern, like I go Australia study, everyone also will ask ones mah... normal only....'

Datin said

'You scared lychee right?'

I said

'No... I never scared of her, I just asked only....'

Vivian asked

'Then if, if lah... if compared with Pn Lye, lye chuin li is fiercer or Pn Lye?'

I said

'Lye Chuin Li.'

When I said like that,

I don't know why all of them laughed so loud, included that kaima aunty!

I said

'Why? You asked me who is fiercer mah, then I said lye chuin li lah....'

She said

'Then you said you not scared?'

I said

'Ya la! I not scared lah... but you said compared mah... if compared then I just give you an answer only.'

Datin said

'But Pn Lye told me you scared of lye chuin li.... Hahahaha!'

I said

'No! I never scared of her! And I never tell her I scared of her daughter also! She own self said ones, I never say at all.'

Vivian said

'Why you so urgent want to declare? You really scared ah?'

I said

'No lah, I never scared of her ones...'

Vivian said

'Then why she fiercer than Pn Lye? She scolded you very loud is it?'

I said

'No, because she scold in a very low voice, sounds very fierce and also look very scary... her mom is loud loud ones, not fierce ones! Haha! She loud loud to me I dont care her ones...'

Vivian laughed and said

'Haha! You dao li you dao li ! Because low voice got more majesty... like more fierce like that...'

I said

'Anah! She always like that ones.... when she saw me, she suddenly looked at me and asked : Why you come?... she asked in a very low voice... like very fierce like that... tell you, last time I dreamed of pn lye's husband, I dreamed of I disturb lye chuin li then her husband come and find me, he very fierce looked at me and asked in a very low voice. he said: Eh girl you disturbed her eh?.... then I frightened till dont dare to talk....'

Vivian said

'Yes yes yes! I understand that kind of situation haha! Really low voice is scary than loud voice...'

I said

'Anah! Last time I also, I first day worked, go teach abacus... then when I get into the class, I never talked, quiet quiet like that, whole class scared of me, no one dare to talk in my class, even move also dont dare to move. Then as the time goes, people know I not fierce ones, they became more daring like dare to run in class, something like that... then I asked them dont like that, I shouted to stop them... I shouted Oi very loud!!!  No one care me ones... because loud dont produce fierceness, then another time when I keep quiet look at them with folded arm, funny the boy looked at me and quickly sit down....'

Vivian said

'Ya la! sometimes is like that ones... sometimes really low voice produce fierceness ones....'

I said

'Anah! You see that Pn Lye, last time in school, she shouted me Eh very loud I dont care her ones, because I knew she pretended fierce ones... Hahaha! Last time when I still dont know her, she wants to beat me, she asked me put my hand at thomas wee table, her voice soft soft like that like very fierce like that... she said in a very low voice that if I dont want put my hand at there then she caned me 8 times... then I also gong gong go and listen her, see her like very fierce like that talked in such a low voice, then after that when her voice getting louder already I knew she not fierce ones, when she called me I straight walked away pretend like never heard like that hahaha! Or when she shouted eh come down! (very loud)... I still can smiled and point at her hahahaha!'

When I said like that, everyone in car keep laughing!

Indeed,

this is the fact of psychology and also theory of sound,

we had learned this in the course of 'Screen matters',

it taught us the understanding and fact about science of speech in film,

it mentioned that low or deep voice produce intense feeling in a Hollywood movie while loud and strong voice produce the feeling of anger.

Yesterday, just attended ballet class,

has been one year and two months stopped going ballet.

When I resumed my ballet class in Malaysia,

Celeste asked me about Pn Lye! LOL!

She asked

'Eh you know Pn Hau or not?'

I said

'Knew lah! I dont like her ones....'

she said

'I also dont like her ones... hen tao yan ta de....'

I said

'Why?'

She said

'She very shen jing ones... simply scold people ones... I tell you, I transferred from IJC ones... I dont have name tag mah... then she straight scolded me like ki siao like that, she said : Dont think you are transferred student then can no need have name tag, you dont have name tag you dont know come and find me ah? Still want make me come and find you ah?'

I said

'I tell you she really got mental problem ones! You dont scared of her, if you scared of her, she will overcome you ones! I tell you she act fierce ones!'

Celeste said

'Ya lo ya lo! I also heard people said like that... my friend told me Pn Hau not fierce ones... she act loud loud only....'

I said

'Anah! Who told you she not fierce ones? Form what?'

She said

'Raymond lah... form 1 as me....'

I said

'You dont scared her know? Why you dont want straight talk back her? You straight talk back: I just came in school how I know you? I am new student I dont know you, then you should come and find me not I come and find you!'

Celeste said

'Anah! I also think like that... gen ben jiu shi mah...'

I said

'You mean you got say out to her or you just think only?'

Celeste said

'Got lah! After she talk finish, I straight talk back her: You also said I am new student edi lo... you also knew I am transferred from other school ones...  how I know you ah?'

 I laughed and said

'Hahaha! Correct correct! Then what she said?'

She said

'She just asked what is my name only...'

I said

'Her person is like that ones... she cannot people talked back her ones... when people talk back her pattern is like that ones... I tell you, last time she caned my leg until one line one line know?'

Celeste was shocked,

Celeste suddenly opened her eyes very big when I said like that,

then she said

'I dont know she will caned people ones... from what i know she just scold people only....'

I said

'Anah! You must be careful of her know? Since got such thing happened means she still will do that... she find target ones.. you never see she asked you what is your name ah?'

Celeste said

'I not scared of her ones... She dare to touch me, I ask my father go and find her ah... my father will charge her if she beat me...'
I laughed and said

'Haha! I knew! I told my mum about your father, I said also developer.... surname Teo... my mum said she knew... she said your father dark dark and short short, very serious ones.... My mum know your father....'

She said

'Anah! My father very serious ones... if got teacher do anything to me, he will get furious and make things bigger ones... your father what name? I want to ask my father whether know your father or not?'
I said
'My father is Datuk Ngoh King Hua... your father sure know lah... melaka developer a few only... and last time you not say your father ask you go in international school?'

She said

'But I dont want... because all my friends go in GBS....'

I said

'Then why you said next year want to transfer to IJC? Register edi ah?'

She said

'No la... my father just say want to transfer to IJC only, but I dont want...'

I said

'Why your father dont want let you study GBS? Awhile ask you go in international school, awhile ask you go in IJC....'

She said

'Because he dont like GBS hahaha... my father super dont like GBS ones...'

I said

'Why? Weird weird ones...'

She said

'Because my father dont like I study unisex school, he scared I patto.... hahaha! But I really will ones...'

I said

'Har now you got boyfriend ah?'

She said

'Dont have lah... but I mean I will patto ones if I found...'

I said

'Hahahaha wi wu wit !!!'

She said

'When think of that pn hau also angry! Now I very tao yan ta....'

I said

'Be aware of her, I heard my friend Chloe said she dont like rich people ones... she very zhen dui rich people ones.... my friend Emily also rich ones, Emily said she very zhen dui her ones... and she also very zhen dui me ones... now she zhen dui you some more! I think from what my friend said is quite accurate... she dont like rich people ones... because my friend told me got another girl called Michelle Meow... quite rich also, she also zhen dui that girl ones... overall is she see which one rich then dont like which one ones...'

Celeste said

'I think she really xin li bu ping hen....'

I said

'Anoh anoh! My mum also said she xin li bu ping hen... her jealousy super strong ones....'

At that time,

mommy phoned me and told me that she reached down stairs already.

Then I said

'Eh... my mum reached edi... bye... next Tuesday tell you more.... you got come tuesday class or not?'

She said

'Got...'

I said

'Eh your hair super nice leh! You dye what color?'

She said

'Dark brown...'

I said

'Eh you see that wearing yellow leotard ones... her hair dye light brown color with wearing yellow leotard... nice hor!'

She said

'Anah! I want to dye her color! But dont know why come out like this... where that person study?'

I said

'MMU.....'

She said

'Oh... quite nice... I want her color....'

I said

'But your school can dye hair meh?'

She said

'Dont care lah, now holidays, when school reopened wait that pn hau catch edi only I dye back....'

I said

'Ok lah dont talk to you so much edi, my mum wait downstairs edi... Bye!'