Yet,

I been grown up and trapped in the mist of love confusion,

I been caught in the middle of two man, one is current boyfriend, another one is current pursuer.

My current feeling has  the composition of inescapable, indescribable and undesirable. 

You know?

Truthfully,

I have the phobia of owning people's favor :(

Two man's parents treat me extremely good and made me overwhelmed.

I had two inner feelings right now, one is appreciate while another is guilty.

Now,

two sides parents are apple-polish me because wanted me to become their so called 'future daughter-in-law'.

The first man's father offered me RM500 for Chinese New Year Ang Pao money and Singapore Universal Studio trip and because of me bought a new luxury car.

The second man's mother offered me many clothes; and one of it cost RM600+ just for a dress.

Now,

I been trapped in the guilt.

I am unwillingly accept the expensive dresses, but I can't never accept.

Because the man told me

'My mum because of you only bought it down, I showed my mum your FACEBOOK pictures, my mum specially ordered your size, my family has no daughter. If you dont want, is very wasted to throw away, my mum cant wear your size and your age clothing.'

I said

'Asked your mum dont like that la... I will feel very guilty I dont know why. Because too expensive already. Why your mum wants to buy so many things for me?'

He said

'Because my mum said your person too good already and she said you treat me very good so buy something for you.'

I said

'Actually, you tell your mum dont buy some many dresses for me, because my clothes bought till no place to hang already. If your mum insist to buy for me something, ask her buy biscuits enough. '

He even laughed and said

'HAHAHAHA! Biscuits? People treat her son so good, but end up buying biscuits? Too diu lian edi.... hahaha!'

I said

'Eh eh eh! Why your mum bought so expensive things for me? Your mum know me meh? She saw me before meh? For her, I am just a stranger, so ask her dont treat me so good.'

He said

'Ngggg.... my mum saw you in FACEBOOK, my mum and my mum's younger sister said your face look very innocent and kind.'

I said

'Which picture you showed your mum.'

He said

'This one.... hahahaha! Because I like you straight hair, so I show her this picture.'

But,

I afraid once I receive such expensive offer.

Is like the feeling

'I cant never accept you, if I never accept you, I will feel guilty.'

Just like Hung Kiat,

he bought few thousands dollar camera and many dresses for me,

if I still never accept him,

I will be very very guilty.

But imagine one day,

how if the second man buy more and more things; offer the more valuable things than the first man?

It means I cant never accept the second man? 

Because he offers even more things than the first man,

but I end up telling him 'We are friend'?

Somehow,

I held some sort of sorriness within me.

He bought so many things for me but I end up telling him 'We are most suitable be friend'.

And certainly,

this sort of guiltiness had lead me to insomnia,

slept at three midnight even already took pill :(

Indeed,

I always prayed hard to God to treat me better in church.

But now,

can I changed my mind and ask God stop treat me so good?

Because the good treatment is a sort of guilt within myself.

I am in the mist of appreciation and guilt now.

I appreciate but I feel guilt and get sleepless at night.

Two man loved me so much, and both of them have a similar characteristics.

I asked both of them why they loved me?

They had the same answers.

They said

'Because you treat me too good.'

I asked them what about second,

they answered the same thing

'Because you are pretty.'

Similarly,

they have the same characteristics,

they could because of me do anything.

Both of them have the entirely same preference,

they like my straight long hair.

The only different thing is they came from different countries but with the same ethnicity.

The first man,

he loves me madly till he could do anything; whatever I wanted and requests.

When I request a separation with him,

he could became very agitated, cried and squad on the floor and asked me not to leave him.

When I see this,

my heart would melt and said 

'Ok lah ok lah... dont like this lah....'

He could because of me, followed me anywhere; every countries that I went.

He would because of me do some silly things despite its harmful to him,

as long as to fulfil my requests,

 he will still do it and fetched me there.

When I am down only him could settled me down and consoled me although he don't have good communication skills or any public relation knowledge.

Whatever I need, I just opened my mouth, he will does it.

I am just like his life, everyday, 

he will reminds me to eat medicine and drink water.

Perhaps,

he asked me to drink water because he afraid I died of dehydration? 

he asked me to eat medicine because he afraid I suddenly mentally goes wrong and mention separate with him?

In both,

his pure intention is afraid of losing me in his life.

Even my parents wont do that, 

the most they will just ask me to boil water, but they wont ask me drink water. 

Even in the morning,

he is the one who wake me up to class no matter how early its Malaysia time.

If my class is 9 am, he could wake me up at my time 8am.

His time 6.30 a.m,

he just put alarm to wake up himself and ring me to wake me up.

But for my parents,

the most they will ask me

'Today you got go to class or not?'

That is why I said this man loves me than anyone else,

no one could replaced his love to me; even my parent.

That's too touching and I almost burst into tears.

His unconditional love is even deeper than a parent :(

I am not mean that my parents not love me,

but my pure meaning is my boyfriend could even sacrifice and do more than my parents.

The second man,

he loves me too much till he really mad of the impression I look him.

He isn't really fat, but he thinks I think he is fat.

During this holidays, within two months,

he even went back to china and play tennis to slim down 6 KG and excitedly boast once he reached Adelaide's airport.

Today,

we met coincidence in the city,

the first sight when he saw me,

he is even excited than me when we see each other across the road.

He waves and smiled to me across the road.

The first question when we saw each other,

he asked me

'Do you observe any new thing on me?'

I looked him up and down and said

'New shoes?'

He said

'No... my stomach... I already slim down 6 KG.'

I was =.=! LOL!

To be frankly,

I already told him we are friend.

But he end up continuously loving me and super like me.

Yet,

he start buying many expensive things to me and paying every bills wherever we go.

He always wanted to have a solo meal with me,

but I afraid he will pays my bill and thereby owe him a favour,

so I will always call up many friends come along when he date me out.

I don't really know this is true or false.

Because I don't really wants to fall in love with him.

And this Friday,

he date me to the Casino Seafood Buffet for $45 each person.

He wants to has a romantic and solo dinner with me,

but seems like I am devastating his intention, I even go and invited two more friends to come along.

I really hope we are just normal friend, but the little little things that he bought for me and the good he did to me and sum up everything,

I felt like I really had a little bit of touching towards him,

I not mean love touching, but heart-wrenchingly touching as a human.

Because I am human, I have feeling too.

This two man, 

now they are equally treating me so good.

Both of them did the same thing,

cooked for me when I am hungry in the midnight.

One cooked maggee, another one cooked roti canai.

A simple but super delicious supper.

Yet,

I am thinking should I stop treating other people so good?

The second man,

he requested me

'My English not good, can you help me to read the question of the assignment? Too many pages to read, I cant understand...'

I said

'Ok.'

He asked me

'Tonight come my house for dinner, I cook for you and then you can teach me at home.'

But then,

when I lazy to explain the question and answers.

I would think I straight type in the answer would be faster since anyway also have to be done.

And when I type finished the essay,

I said

'Nah.... typed finished already.... 2500 words...'

he keep saying 

'You too good already, I just ask you to teach me only, you straight help me to do finish.'

And when I helping him to do,

he even afraid I am hungry and cooked Roti Canai for me.

In fact,

I think I am not good at all and I just treat him normal as a friend.

But he would think that I treat him very good?

To be frankly,

I think I need to learn some normal responses from the rest of people?

I don't really know how other people react when comes to this situation,

when being request for a help of an assignment,

people will reject teaching, or just telling him what to do or straight finish his work or just talk through the phone how to do? Is neither or either?

I am in the mist of confusion right now.

I hope God don't treat me so good any more, I am regretted for my previous prayed in the church.

because I felt really guilty in the deep core of my heart.

I fall in love with the first man because he make me heart-wrenchingly touching and treat me too good,

but how about the second man?

Would I fall in love with him with the same reason as the first man? 

Indeed,

today is a tiring day of shopping, eating and reading.

At 12 p.m noon, had a quick dating with Syi Rui.

We went Starhouse Chinese restaurant had a very long 'wake up lunch'.

After an extremely plump meal,

we went Chatime had some hot drinks; sat down and chit-chat about everything.

Subsequently,

had a continuous date with Chin Yean at 2 p.m :D

We went State library at North Terrace to had some frictions reading.

About 5 o'clock,

we loitering all the way along Rundle mall,

my foots were really painful though from walking since the morning till afternoon.

 But to treat with courtesy; just keep quiet again.

Continued to shop and shop with her :)

About 7 o'clock,

we went Sushi Train and waiting about half hour to get a seat,

after some really delicious sushi plates,

we went out the sushi restaurant at about 8 o'clock.

Next destination,

we went Kawaii, sort of 'Daisy' store in Pavillion.

Bought a home miscellaneous; home slipper. 

8.30 p.m,

went Coles supermarket bought some home biscuits and milk.

The most ridiculously,

guess what milk I bought?

The infant milk, HAHA!

Because we had walked through the whole supermarket,

besides than full cream milk, there is no adult or children milk in powder form; there is only infant milk.

Chin Yean said

'This one also can ones la... nothing ones....'

I said

'Or buy pregnancy milk? There... here got...'

She said

'Hahahahaha! Sampat lahhhh... I think you buy baby ones better than pregnancy ones... later drink out got any problems very susah ones... but baby ones just favour only... so I think you better buy baby ones... last time which brand you drink?'

I said

'Last time I drink children ones... is Enfakids... six plus ones... honey favor, but after that my father said too sweet, he asked my mum dont buy for me d....'

She said

'Ohhhh Enfakids... last time in Malaysia I also drink enfakids... hahaha that one very sweet ones... I also like to drink at home...'

I said

'I dont like adult ones leh... adult ones very smelly, plus not sweet ones...'

She said

'Haha... here dont have adult also dont have children ones... only got baby milk... you buy the cheapest ones la... this one la... $13 dollar only,..'

when I took up the milk,

I laughed and said

'HAHAHAHAHA! From since born!!!!'

She laughed and said

'HAHAHAHAHA! Zo Mo? Never mind ones mah... drink only... better than you drink pregnancy ones.... sampat!'

I said

'YA lo... Cannot drink pregnancy ones meh? last time I told my mum I want to drink pregnancy ones my mum said cannot hahaha... she said sampat! She said you buy children ones better than pregnancy ones...'

She said

'Ya la... because pregnancy ones the ingredient different... is special ones... but baby milk just minerals and vitamin like normal drinks only... if you like the favor you just drink only... nothing ones...'

I said

'Or buy this constipation ones?'

She said

'HAHAHAHA! Dont want lah ! Later drink edi you lao sai I dont know....'

I said

'Will lao sai ones meh?'

She said

'Dont know... that is why I said dont simply drink... you awhile want pregnancy ones awhile want constipation ones? Not scared lao sai ah? haha!'

I said

'But baby ones too small edi... you see this one 6 months plus hahaha... very weird leh... children ones still ok...'

She said

'Nothing ones lah... ages only... as long as you like the favor just drink la... In Malaysia I also like that ones... you drink at home nobody know ones la....'

I said

'Also true... last time I at home also drink children ones also nobody knows... only my family know, outside people dont know ones...'

She said

'Anah... drink only mah... no need care ages ones la... I at home also like that ones... now I staying with my brother so nobody knows...'

I said

'Ok! Then I stay alone also.... nobody know also.... but you think want to buy which ones? I want sweet type ones... I like very sweet that type ones...'

She said

'Very sweet I think is Nestle brand lo.... Nestle always very sweet ones...'

I said

'Ok... just take this... $17 only.... better than last time my enfakids RM89.90 !!!!'

She said

'Anah! Enfakids very expensive ones....'

I said

'HAHAHA! Enfakids actually is Fabiola recommend me ones... she always like to recommend me to drink expensive things or buy expensive things... then I start drinking enfakids when I was form 4 like that till form 5, then form 5 the school teacher go and complaint my father said I drink sweet milk at home, then my dad asked my mum dont let me drink that milk edi sian.... but very nice to drink leh... sweet sweet ones....'

She said

'Anah I knew that ones... hahaha! Enfakids.... sweet sweet ones...'

I said

'I just think normal sweet only actually, but a lot people said Enfakids very sweet, my father drank once, he said: Yao Shi Ah ah ching? that one too sweet edi... that milk langsong cannot drink ones.... because its too sweet edi... then Tee Syi Rui's father also got drink once... she said her father also said too sweet edi that milk...'

She said

'Consider quite sweet edi la... because other milk also not sweet as this mah... so for those people who first time drank that milk, they will think very very sweet.'

I said

'Ok la... decided... buy this ones... Nestle.... 1-3 years old hahaha!'

Once I came back to home,

the first thing, I boiled hot water and tried the sweetness of the milk,

I made a big bottle for the purpose of relaxing in front of computer :D

Oh gosh! 

When I started to drink,

 it's tasteless at all even I already put 10 tablespoon of milk powder :(

I quickly poured a big amount of sugar into it and stirred....

Awwww....

luckily it still not that bad after pouring that amount of sugar :)

Yet, sitting in front of computer,

Flipping people's facebook page and listening my blog songs at the same time.

It's too terribly,

I thought made myself tired for the whole day is the best way to forget the past day by day.

I really want to forget the past.

I tried so hard and accept the suggestion of 

'Make yourself tired; so you will straight sleep after you tired, so you wont think about past any more.'

Now,

I believed that Facebook is the biggest source of problem,

I still almost see her pictures everywhere unwantedly.

I am unwanted to recalled about her, but half of my friends are all GBS-ian.

Then when there comes to any events; unwillingly I still flipped through and saw it.

Certainly,

I still followed the steps from Google,

it suggest me to take it as natural, if I see any her pictures, just flip away as usual.

Yeah! I did it just now.

But I just care so much, I will take a glance and procrastinate for a few minutes to flip away the picture.

Perhaps,

my deep down still holding grudges towards her?

when I seeing her face; her pictures, I will stop down and naturally bend down my eyebrow,

and asking her in my heart; in front of computer.

'Why I still cant forgive and forget you?'

And started thinking

'Couple of years had gone, she still unchanged, the way she dressed made me recalled the things she done to me, especially this blue baju kebaya that wearing for few years d still unwilling to buy a new one? I'd bored looking this suit... not black, then blue, not blue then yellow? But the bag.... oh I like it so much, her taste had improved previously, I loved this kind of colour as well as this kinda shape but I just disliked her super black and old handbag.'

LOL !

When I seeing this girl's picture - Jia Hui,

I felt like I am somehow similar look like her?

Darl, did I ?

But I think she is not really pretty, HAHA!

She is one of the K-pop dancer who attending the same dancing class with Huay Ling.

I totally have the different personality as Huay Ling,

if you want me to dance this kind of K-pop dancing,

I rather die :X

Absolutely,

I am sexy but I can't shake at all,

imagine I roll myself into a ball? ^_^

I only enjoy sentimental dance like ballet :)