Maybe just hallucinate

Recently,

I felt really stressful with no apparent reasons.

Not feeling cold for the temperature but got trembled on fingers and lips when began to have the flashback of add math incident.

Perhaps,

I am focusing too much of her things whilst doing house chores?

I guess I should come out more as what mummy said.

I never tell mummy that I am still thinking of pl;

 I pretend like I've entirely forget her in front of anyone else.

Apparently,

I act like normal, but inside I am still abnormal.

When I did act well in front of mummy like I did forget her,

but few days ago, surprisingly,

I'd exposed my inner truth to mummy that I still never forget her.

A very suddenly,

I got neurotic outburst; I phoned mummy in the late midnight.

That time,

mummy picked up my call with awaken voice.

The first question,

I asked her

'Mi.... Pn Lye really got want to shift house or not?'

She said

'Zo mo leh?'

I said

'I saw she wrote in facebook said she wants to shift house...'

Mummy said

'She wrote means got la...'

I said

'But I asked hung kiat, hung kiat keep saying never. Then I told him, where got people own self wrote own self want to shift house if never want to shift?'

Mummy said

'Ya la... got la... wrote means got shift lah....'

I said

'How you know she wants to shift?'

Mummy said

'That time she got said mah....'

I said

'No... that time is I said.. not she said.... You forgot already ah? I asked papa ask her to move house mah that time...'

Mummy said

'She said....'

I said

'I said....'

She said

'She also got said before...'

I said

'How you know?'

She said

'She got told papa before....'

I got very excited and said

'Yes!!!! She really want to shift!!! Then since now onwards, is good to we both, she wont beat me any more and I wont go her there any more.'

Mummy said

'Dui ya... because you every time got do good things, so when you got any problems, God will help you ones... You see now you got problems, God helped you d....'

I said

'Ma... but do you think I very stupid? That time my friend's mum first time saw me, we went out for a whole day, then when we were sitting bus back to home, her mum told me I too innocent already, people want to take advantages of me too easy already.'

She said

'Why she said you like that?'

I said

'Because that day morning, initially I want to go saloon curl my hair ones... then coincidence saw them at bus stop, I asked them where they want to go? Then they said they want go Glenelg, then I see they all first time go, I just bring them lo... because Glenelg very far mah... have to take bus from Magill to City is 30 minutes, then from City to Glenelg is 45 minutes. Then that time I said since they never go before, I just bring them go and never go saloon... then her mum keep telling me : Auntie eat until so old already havent see you this kind of person before? Your person too kind will let people take advantage, today you met Auntie is good person you are lucky, how if you met a bad person? You also follow that bad person to the beach? Then her mum keep saying I very stupid, because that time I wearing dress, she said I wear so short and sha sha follow them go beach chui leng fong... because that day is around 5 degree only, but initially I plan to go saloon only, scared inside the saloon very hot so I never wear till too thick... then that auntie keep saying I very stupid because dont want go do hair but bring them go beach chui leng fui with wearing dress ... and she said auntie want to belanja you eat also you dont want... haiz... too stupid already... she said me like that... Ma... do you think I really stupid and weird? Even people see me first time also said me : Never see this kind of person before... And Hung Kiat said me when Pn Lye beat me also I wont protect myself... dont know what to do... he said he since born until now, so far got 10 maids work at his house... he said among 10 maids only got 1 maid wont protect own self only... so he said me not many people behaved like me ones... he said me dont know protect own self... then when he said me dont know protect myself I recalled till that Auntie... that Auntie also got told me dont know protect myself... I asked her why she said me like that? She said because my person dont know reject people... everything havent think, mouth already said ok... then she said me dont know protect myself... then when all these add up... I feel like I very stupid... you see... even I never tell the auntie about things between pn lye and me, she own self already said me dont know protect myself... and she some more told me: In this world, bad people more than good people... people like you survive in this world is too dangerous already... because you dont know differentiate what is right and wrong, you just help blindly... and you cant read people's mind... you dont know what people is thinking... so people can easily take you as a benefit; they can easily harm you or do anything to you... because even they harm you already you also dont know they got harm you mah... you know what Auntie's meaning?? So when she said me like that, I think balik what Hung Kiat told me before... hung kiat said because I dont know what pn lye is thinking, so pn lye can do anything to me easily without my knowing... Then Hung Kiat said me: I think Pn Lye sure got do many things to you before, but maybe you dont know or forgot already plus she keep quiet so nobody will knows.... Ma... do you think I too stupid already or not? You see... everyone said me the same things but in different time? I felt like they are implying me the same things.....'

(Auntie said I wear like this and follow them to beach is sha sha)

Mummy said

'Dont care that pn lye... the things she did, nobody knows... but God looking upon the sky... God will really punish her in one day so we dont need go and care ones...'

I said

'Ma... you sure Pn lye really want to shift house?'

mummy said

'Confirm la... she already wrote in facebook sure is real ones...'

I said

'Ma... can you help me phone pn lye, ask her to shift house or not?'

Funnny!

Mummy said in Chinese

'Wo Cai Bu Yao Da Gei Ta.... she beat you until like that I very angry edi....'

I said

'But... you phone her once la... ask her shift only...at least got advice her better than never...'

Mummy said

'No need la... I dont want phone her... I very angry she beat you until like that... where got teacher beat student like that ones? Tai Mei You Liang xing liao....'

I said

'Yes... hung kiat also said the same thing as you... Hung Kiat said pl can beat until like that means too no empathy already... because hung kiat said when he reached, he saw my face all tears... cried until very kao lat... he said me whole face red... then hung kiat said he guessed when I cried edi, pn lye still continued beat that type...'

Mummy said

'Yi Ding la.... saw the wounds already knew.... beat until like that where not painful?'

I said

'Got... got painful... she dont care and continue beat... I very painful edi she still dont care me... because I very painful d mah my hand wants to catch her cane... but she said: You dare to hold you dare to hold? Then I never wants to hold already , she also never beat me already, but after awhile, she continue beat me already...'

Mummy said

'Hmmm! Tai Mei You Gong De Xing liao....'

I said

'Hahaha! Gong De Xing? You think I am animal ah?'

Well,

I really want to forget her now.

Just now, 

just hung out with Fabiola for a delicious Dim Sum lunch :D

She told me the same thing as what I am exactly thinking about.

She told me

'Clar, you have to forget this pn lye ones... because if now you dont forget, when you get into 30 plus, 40 plus or 50 plus very susah ones...'

I said

'Anah... I knew la... now I am forgetting her la... I got tried a lot of methods edi... I got took medicine also... from what I can do I already do...'

She said

'Actually not only you one person suffer from this kind of situation, a lot of similar cases like you ones... all those people when they are young they never forget, all jadi gila when they reach old.... I never bluff you ones... really...'

I said

'Anoh anoh... At first I thought I am the only one who behaving this way... who knows Hung kiat told me he got one friend is saloon boss... then he said his best friend experienced the similar thing like me... but he said that friend got gila since born ones...  his situation same like me; doing the almost same thing, but the source of problem is different. He said initially the boss and that orang gila is very good friend, good like both of us like that... then after form 5, everybody go own path and never contact d mah... some go uni study, some straight go work.... all never contact any more since after SPM... then that boss also never contact that orang gila edi... the boss straight help people cut hair after form 5, then after 3-4 years... around 20 years old like that.. that orang gila started round and honked both his shop and house... now they both 50 years old already.... still rounding and honking... 30 years leh.... because that orang gila very angry the boss... dont know how to say la... is the meaning like betrayed him like that...'

She said

'Oh... abandon la....'

I said

'Ah... something like that la... that orang gila said something like after form 5, best friend also dont care him edi... then he very angry the boss like that and cant forget the past... keep saying he cant forgive the boss like that... but I think his case is too small... small matter only... mine is different... mine is got involved in assaulting ones...'

She said

'Aiya... everyone think different way mah.... maybe for you is small matter, but for other people is very important... some people take things too hard...'

I said

'haha but for me, I wont really take things too hard in friendship ones... because I will think I not only got him one friend... less one friend wont die also...'

She said

'Ya la... but some people think different way... some people think friendship is very important... I think that person is traumatize la....'

I said

'Anoh... hung kiat also said the boss said that orang gila is traumatize... but like that also can traumatize? Haha!'

She said

'Aiya... everything also can be traumatize... as long as take things too hard.... that is why I always tell you to forget Pn Lye... if not you see... very susah ones... that person edi tian edi...  from 20 years old until 50 years old leh... you think not susah ah?'

I said

'Haha... but that person since born also gila edi... so he own self gila after the trauma also he dont know... '

She said

'Ya la... some people just unlucky... the most sad is their parents... you think his parents wants to born him that way meh? His parents want to raised him up and care of him for so many years very susah ones know?.... because he already gila mah how to take care own self.. so his parents very pity ones...' 

I said

'I just feel I am unlucky in the case between pl and me.... I dont know why only I am the one who facing this kind of incident.... but not others...'

She said

'Aiya.... actually many people also got similar cases like you ones... but not the exactly same... you dont know only... but the most important is, thing happened already then just let it go, because if you dont let go, when it too long, you will become crazy ones... Just like that day, Felicia birthday... all of us CIJ ones sit together and chit-chat... then they got chat till a similar case like you... is my friend's friend.... also being abused ones...'

I said

'Boy or girl?'

She said

'Girl... that girl now 31 years old edi... she since young being physically abused.... she keep quiet and never tell her parents until 13 years old, because she got the trauma, so she very afraid of men and became lesbian...  then the girl's parents just realized their child being abused when she was 13, at that time, already 13 years old... too late edi... that girl already abnormal edi... that is why I said everything happen, must tell out immediately.... if not you see... just like this girl... her parents dont know she being abused at all... from 6-7 years old like that until 13 years old... too late edi.... until that time the parents very angry the girl, said why she never tell her parents in earlier? But angry also useless... because already passed so long...'

I said

'Then their parents never bring the girl to doctor?'

She said

'Got la... I havent say finish... then at 13 years old, the doctor prescribed her traumatic drugs... like yours like that ones... but I dont know whats the name of her drugs... then now she 31 years old edi, she still cant forget the past, too stressed edi... she take things too hard and committed suicide in 2 to 3 months ago...'

I said

'Why she committed suicide?'

She said

'Like you lo... eh you think pn lye want to harm me or not? Eh you think pn lye will beat me again or not? Eh you think add math incident will happen again or not? Eh you think pn lye want to kill me or not? Think this think that... then at the end, take things too hard and committed suicide lo.... Plus I heard they all said she took drugs almost 20 years edi... then a part of her suicide reason is from side effect of the drugs... make her got hallucination like that... keep thinking herself being abused again or being harm like that ones... then she committed suicide...'

I said

'Then she died d or not?'

She said

'Died d....'

I said

'Then her parents not very sad?'

She said

'Sad la... now her parents very angry the person who abused her.... keep blaming the abuser... now the parents blamed the abuser said he harmed their daughter to death and now want to charged him in court... but got what use? Died already died.... So you dont go and committed suicide know? If not your parents sure will blame die pn lye if you die....'

I said

'Mmmmm.... actually I got think of committed suicide before... but now never anymore.... last time I keep thinking after I die, everything no need to think anymore, nothing bother me anymore... because I already not in this earth...'

She said

'Why you think like that? Do you know everyone is admired your life? Not many people are so rich as your family, and dont forget, your family is not only rich, is super super rich, if you want anything, you can just get it without thinking twice. So many poor people are seeking life like yours, but you want go die... haiz....'

I said

'Eiiii.... why you said the exactly same thing as Datin? Last time datin keep telling me that Pn Lye wants to kill me...(havent say finish)'

She said

'Told you d lo... Pn Lye impossible will kill you ones...'

I said

'wait... you let me say finish first.... because that time when Datin told me Pn Lye want to kill me, I still havent ask you... so I really thought Pn Lye wants to kill me... so I told Datin, I said haiz... suan liao la... kill kill la... after I die, nothing bother me anymore... after I die, all these finish already... then Datin said: Eh! Zo Mo Ni Jiang Sha? Your life like that, everyone also want! People want your life also cannot, you want go die....'

She said

'Ya la... wah seh your that house... I think at least up to 10 millions.... ask your father keep me as God daughter la....'

I said

'I think you rather married my brother....^_^'

She said

'Your brother single ah?'

I said

'Elder brother is double now... younger brother currently got target d... but still single....'

She laughed and said

'HAHAHAHA! That is why I said your family daughter in law only limited to two persons.... you still dont want your life....'

I said

'Hahaha but after I get married already, I already not in my family.'

She said

'Hei ! How can you say like that? You this generation and this lifetime, you born in this family, you are your father's daughter means your father's daughter... cant change ones... just like my mum... she keep saying in the future she wants to treat her daughter in law very good... then I told my mum... people is not your daughter means not your daughter... imagine one day got anything happen on that daughter in law... u think that daughter in law will contact her mum first or contact you first? Sure contact own mum ones... natural ones.... people say Mu Ni Lian Xing... thats the reason everyone sure find own mum first.... Just like you, next time your marriage got anything happen, will you tell your mum first or go and tell hung kiat's mum?'

I said

'My mum la... Hung Kiat mother like that I darent talk to her haha....'

She said

'NO ah... is normal ones... even if Hung Kiat mother is a normal person, you also wont talk to her mum in the first place ones.... so dont forget, family is family, once you born into this family, you are the daughter of your father until this generation end.'

I said

'I knew la... now I never think of die already la....'

She said

'Who knows you?? You very scary ones... because you very impulsive, once you get agitated, everything also hard to imagine....'

I said

'haha! Why I look like a person who will committed suicide? To be frankly, Hung Kiat and Emily both also said they got dreamed of I died of Suicide before....'

She laughed and said

'Yer.... why their dream cursed people? Hahaha!'

I said

'Eh... you think the drug I eat got side effect ones or not? You said that girl died of hallucination because the drugs?'

She said

'Anah... I think most probably got ones la....'

I said

'But doctors said dont have... Hung kiat said Datin said dont have also....'

She said

'Haiya... people want to convinced you to eat sure said like that la....'

I said

'Eh true! My dad asked the pharmacist, the pharmacist also said dont have... and I asked the pharmacist in Australia when I bought the medicine in pharmacy... the Australia pharmacist also dont have... the pharmacist said this is not really drug... he said supplement like that... he said a lot people also got take this medicine... he said this medicine got a lot benefits... some are reduce stress only... some are to calm down their brain... some are cure trauma... some are release depression... he said got a lot of uses... so a lot people taking this medicine....'

She said

'Oh... I think when you go back, you send me the name of your medicine... I go Google check. But I think dont take better la... my friend's friend died of hallucination ones... they said because she long term taking the medicine then cause hallucination.... you took how many years d?'

I said

'Mine ah?  around 1 year...'

She said

'Cheh... just one year then never mind la... I think you continue eat till recover d only you stop eating... because my that friend is she took for 20 years and up that type ones... you cannot suddenly stop ones you know? Will Fa Zuo ones you know?'

I said

'EH? How you know? That time I really suddenly stop eating ones... straight never eat few days... then Hung Kiat said Datin said me Fa Zuo....'

 

She said

'Anah! Siao ah you? You ah... always luan lai ones... I teach you... You must really cannot edi only you eat... you cant nge nge dont let own self eat ones... will fa zuo ones you know?'

I said

'I dont know mah.... I see myself already recover like that... seldom think of pn lye for long time already, then I just think myself totally recovered d... then just never eat....'

She said

'How datin will know you fa zuo ones?'

I said

'Dont know... she own self knew ones... Datin very clever ones leh... last time in school, once I never eat medicine she knew ones... I also dont know how she knows... she said : Wa Kua Yee Ye Ba Jiu Wa Do Zhai Yi Bo take medicine liao....'

Syi Rui even laughed and said

'HAHAHAHA!!! She think she is God meh? Kua Yi Ye Ba Jiu.... Lu kio Datin Lai Kua Wa Ye Ba Jiu Tua Bu Tua Liab???'

I said

'Hahahaha! Sampat lah! But you think she really can see out ones meh? Look at eyes can know ones meh?'

She said

'You never ask her: Datin, you kan xiang ones ah?? Hahaha!'

I said

'NO la... seriously la... You think she look at my eyes really can know meh? Got this type of saying ones meh?'

She said

'Dont know... depends accurate or not lo....'

I said

'Very accurate... that is why I also curious... I never tell her whether I got take medicine or not... like sometimes if I never take medicine, she own self can guessed out ones... she straight asked me: Huay Ching, today you never eat medicine right? She straight asked like that oh....'

She said

'Hua! Li Hai oh!'

I said

'Anoh! That time I just asked Hung Kiat go and asked Datin about Pn lye's phone number only... like that also she can know I never take medicine... geng oh?'

She said

'Hua! How she knows ah? She tell hung kiat ah?'

I said

'Anah! Hung Kiat said he told Datin : My phone accidentally spoiled, got virus... cant switch on at all... and also dont know why coincidence she suddenly want Pn lye phone number from me, then at that time I cant give her... then she keep very angry me said I nong bu jian pn lye's phone number... then hung kiat said he just said like this only, datin straight asked him: Why she will suddenly want Pn Lye's phone number ones? She never eat medicine is it?.... At that time when she guessed I never eat medicine, I really never eat....'

She said

'Hua! Datin very smart hor!'

I said

'Anah! I think Datin's person guessed thing very accurate....'

She said

'Hahaha! Jia Li Hai....'

I said

'You ah... awhile say people smart, awhile say people jia li hai...'

She said

'I think you better dont take that medicine la... I think got side effect ones... what's your medicine name?'

I said

'Quetiapine 25 mg. The doctor said is the lowest dosage already so cant reduce anymore.'

She said

'Oh baby dosage la... then I think wont got hallucination side effect la...'

I said

'But I dont really know whether got hallucination or not? Got one day... just recently only... I dont know whether is I think only or I dreamed or is real ones.... That Pn lye harmed me you know? I told Hung kiat the story and I felt like is real ones... but Hung Kiat keep telling me is impossible ones...'

She said

'So Mo?'

I said

'That day, Pn Lye harmed me... she go and phoned my father and told my father that I simply ran in the class and disturbed lecturer, then my father believed her and beat me... plus that time is before the day of school reopened.'

She said

'Impossible bah... your father is in Malaysia, how your father beat you?'

I said

'But I felt like very real leh.... is like I witnessed someone talked to me, witnessed my father beat me and felt like Pn Lye really harm me at the back.'

She said

'Anoh... I also think impossible... your father in Malaysia how he beat you?'

I said

'But I really heard he said: Pn Lye told me you disturbed in class ah? Lecturer teaching in front you running around ah?'

She laughed and said

'hahahaha! Maybe you thinking that Lye Yoke Pin case too much... so think until own self created another similar harming story in brain.... You might thought is real, but its not.'

I said

'I felt like is real... dont you think Pn Lye will really like that?'

She said

'Hmmm... I knew she will really like that lah... but now your father already dont trust her mah.... so I think your father will figure out the truth first when she told your father anything...'

I said

'I asked hung kiat also... He also said Pn Lye will really like that... but he said my stories is too over... he said Pn Lye really will harm but wont until so exaggerating...'

She said

'Anah.... I also think so... because its impossible your father fly from malaysia to Australia then beat you and fly back Malaysia meh?'

I said

'Then got another stories... is really real... I saw Lye Chuin Li in Australia....'

She said

'This one lagi impossible...'

I said

'Why?'

She said

'She where got money come Australia wor? Please la....'

I said

'why everyone saying the same thing? I asked hung kiat, Hung Kiat also said impossible because she dont have the money to come Australia, I asked Datin, Datin also said impossible because Datin said she dont have the money to buy flight ticket to Australia, but in all words... everyone are saying the almost same thing... Then I asked hung kiat... I said flight ticket RM 3000 only how come dont have? Then he said because need to eat and stay all those... very expensive so she wont come ones...'

She said

'HAHAHA! Because her financial ability is really so common sense to everyone....'

 I said

'Why? You see ah... whole Bukit Beruang... majority people also stay that kind of Teres... why say no money?'

She said

'That is why I said poor people is more than rich people... not many people are rich, but many people are poor...'

I said

'How come you know she is poor? She got said before meh?'

She said

'Jorrrrr.... told u d lo... poor people and rich people, one eye scan over already can knew... if she is rich why still stay teres, already stay banglo lo... if she is rich... why use proton saga? Already buy BM lo....'

I said

'Or she low profile?'

She said

'Low your head la... got who dont want big house big car? If she got money, but she dont want big house or big car... ask her buy for me lo... see she will buy for me or not? So Clar, no such thing low profile, everyone also want big house big car ones... only depends on can afford or not only.... you see she one family so many people squeeze in that small house, you think she wants meh? If she got money, she already buy bigger house to make her family stay more comfortable already....'

I said

'Haiya! Zhong Zi I saw lcl jiu dui liao la... when I going Glenelg that day... the tram spoiled... then the driver asked us to come down.... then I saw her at opposite tram stop... she keep looking at me.... plus I got picture some more! So this time is real ! Not hallucination! I saw her face like that look like she wants to beat me...'

She said

'Where? Show me the picture..'

I took my phone out and show her

I said

'Duh.... here....'

She said

'Hahaha! To be frankly, I already slightly forget lcl face.... I remembered she is very short hair ones... '

I said

'Face leh? You look at the face....'

She said

'Face got look like her la...'

i said

'Got la... you see she keep looking at me very fierce....'

She said

'Your eyes short-sighted till astigmatism ah? She where got look at you? hahaha!'

I said

'This not look at me ah?'

She said

'This where got look at you? This looking up to the sky.... Her side face is facing you doesnt mean she is looking at you...'

I said

'She never looked at me meh?'

She said

'Thats not her!!!! I said already, impossible she will comes.... because she got bo lui.... I think you better take back your medicine la... very scary errr you....'

I said

'Ya lo... I asked Datin... Datin also said she in Kuala Lumpur, Datin said she helped me asked Pn Lye in the morning already, Pn Lye said Lye Chuin Li is in Kuala Lumpur.'

She said

'Bluffed ones la....'

I said

'Bluff? Then where is lye chuin li? Not Kuala lumpur not australia?'

She said

'HAHAHAHA! I mean datin bluffed ones... Datin sure own self also knew is impossible ones... so she pretend told you like she already helped you asked pn lye.... that is why I said datin is smart people... must be careful....'

I said

'You think too much la... where got people pretend to help people ones? She got asked means she got asked... if not how she knows lye chuin li in kuala lumpur?'

She said

'Clar Ah Clar.... until when edi you still so innocent and cannot awake from your fairyland? People say what you believe what... Why cannot pretend help? Because she wants to let you think her very good, sure says Ahhhh... I already help you ask pn lye... but she need to ask pn lye meh? Very common sense... lye chuin li study in KL sure in KL la.....'

I said

'Haiya! I told you d la... nobody will pretend help people....'

She said

'Because she wants to let you think, oh... datin very good errrr.... datin helped ask... so only she will bluffed you...'

I said

'How you know she never asked?'

She said

'Of course la... ask for what? Lye Chuin Li at where very important to Datin meh?'

I said

'Is not important to Datin, but is I asked Datin ones... so Datin asked PN Lye....'

She said

'Huh! I already told you... sure datin own self said ones... she never bluffed you Lcl is in KL, but she bluffed you she got asked pn lye... You still cant catch up what I mean. Anyway since you dont know what I mean, it is not important to know also... the fact is impossible lye chuin li will go Australia. Maybe she is twin still believable than she goes Australia.'

I said

'What are you talking about? If she is twin, her twin also under her family member. Takde duit datang juga!'

She said

'HAHAHAHA! You ahhhhhh..... very naughty.....'

Shift to another important point,

I asked Hung Kiat,

I said

'Eh! Do you think Pl got saw my mum and family outside?'

He asked

'Why suddenly ask like that?'

I said

'Because I asked my mum, I said: Ma.... do you think next time if Pn Lye see me again she will beat me again as revenge? Then my mum said: No la... dont dare la... I think when she see you also very shy to look at you d lo... when she see us outside also she turns her head away... very shy edi.... then I asked my mum: Har! You still saw pl outside? Then my mum said: Last time got, now dont have d... so do u feel like my mum sure got saw pl outside ones so only she will says like that?'

Hk said

'Haha maybe lo.... if not how she knows pl's reaction will turn head away?'

I said

'Anah... thats why... but she told me no at the end.... funny....'

he said

'Haha I think she dont want let you think too much, so she said last time got, now never....'

I said

'She said: Wo Men oh? Wo Men means maybe with my father or brother or sister?'

He said

'haha maybe la... you also know your mum tak pandai pusing punya....'

I said

'You think they saw each other at where?'

He said

'Dont know.... depends where your family usually go lo....'

I said

'Mmmmm.... I think the place my family go usually pl wont go... like we always have dinner at Wa Zen or Sen Ju Tei.... all those very expensive ones she wont go ones la... so I think most probably Jusco. Because sometimes when my mum very lazy to go far away eat, then they just go sushi king....'

He said

'haha maybe lo... your family only you know...'

I said

'But why I never see Pn Lye outside before since I born until now ones?'

He said

'Aiya, when you were young, you also dont know her, maybe got also she is just a passer only.... seldom will go and notice ones...'

I said

'Also true... just like when I was young, my dad always got brought me passed by her house that route... I also dont know that house is hers.... because that time still dont know her this person....'

He said

'Anah... so I think your family most probably saw her at Sushi King lo... I mean maybe at Jusco...'

I said

'I also think so, because my family wont go Tesco ones... my family is like 1 week will go once or twice sushi king... sometimes plus go jusco supermarket leh? 3 times a week also got... and I knew pl always go Jusco ones....'

He said

'How u know?'

I said

'Because last time form 4, I worked in Jusco mah... then saw Thomas wee, then he asked me: You got saw pn lye or not? Then I said no... then he said she always come Jusco buy things ones... The second is I saw teh on chew 3 times in jusco when I was working as promoter, teh on chew also asked me the same thing... she asked me: Eh! You work here got saw your Kai Ma or not? Then I said no..... She will asked means pl always come only she will asked mah....'

Hung Kiat laughed and said

'HAHAHAHA!!! Why she call pn lye your kai ma?'

I said

'Dont know... I think all school teacher knew pn lye with me is Si Dui Tou... both always Bu Ngam ones... so they always disturbed me and call pn lye Kai Ma until I used to already... even the malay canteen auntie also always call pn lye kai ma... she said: Ah..... nanti mak angkat datang I tak tau ahhhh.....'

Hung Kiat said

'Hahahaha! Zha Dao! How they know both of you not Ngam ones?'

I said

'Dont know... I never say....'

He laughed and said

'Hahahaha! Dont tell me pl boast herself at the back, ITU ANAK DATUK ADALAH  ANAK ANGKAT SAYA? hehehe laugh die me.....'

I said

'No la... impossible la... I think people just want to make fun only so they call that way... Ong Siew Mei also always like that, she said: Ahhhhh better go back ah... your kai ma come edi I dont know ah....'

He laughed and said

'Hahahaha! I think is one spread one ones... if not how they know you not Ngam with pl?'

I said

'I think sure is pl tell other people I dont like her lo... if not how people know... because impossible I go and tell other people: Eh i dont like pl, Eh i dont like pl....'

He said

'Anah... also true...'

I said

'You think really so coincidence my family saw pl?'

HE said

'Or your mum guessed ones?'

I said

'No la... my mum dunno guessing ones....'

He said

'Hahaha! Also true... I think your mum guesses also illogic ones....'

I said

'Anoh! And you see she said pl turn away the head when saw them? If she never see pl that reaction, she will knows she will turn her head away meh?'

He said

'Anoh! Also true.... you see when pl saw you at her house... got a few times, she very shy also quickly turn her head away and pretend never see you....'

I said

'Haiz... very weird... she is just same like my driver... last time my driver also like that... when my dad fired him d.... when he came back office took things... then when he saw me, he also darent look at me... he turned his face away from me, then took his things and went away.... but after few years... when we met outside again at Wazen Japanese restaurant (After the day Pl beat me before I go australia), instead, I am the one who so shy to look at him, but he look at me delightedly. He assumed I will wave my hand to him, but I did not.'

Maybe,

he thought I did forget about those and forgive him.

But in fact, I did not.

I was shocked when saw him at that moment,

immediately I lost control and cried out on scene.

I really can't withstand that kind of sadness and burst into tears after I turned my head away from him.

I cried out on scene because I keep thinking

'Yesterday, Pn Lye beat me until like that, today I saw him. Why my life would messed up by all these people? Why I am so terrible? Why I am so unlucky? Why they dont give me a bright tomorrow? Why they wanted to ruin my future? Why they brought traumas to me and brought me into this stage? Both are abusing; one physically and another sexually.'

At that panic moment,

the state of my mind is a piece of confusion and interchangeable pictures of abusing.

Indeed, I experienced the continuous alternate pictures in mind.

On-bench, in-car, on-bench, in-car, on-bench, in car.....