The nerve's blog: February 2016

Tomorrow,

it's the first day of make sail my postgraduate second semester,

it should be kinda excited and joyful to learn new things,

but my current external stress made me shrunk from my daily lives.

Two days ago,

I lost my three-years old favourite purse from pick pocket at Queen Victoria Market,

although they are horrible and pathetic that they just took your valuable things without awareness,

but I gotcha accept the big dead fact that I'm living in a big city,

I wasn't the Adelaide girl any more, but a Melbournian now.

Even Chris, a friend whom came from Adelaide, he came Melbourne visits me yesterday.

He even realized my changes, he laughed and said

'HAHA! Look at the way you walked and the way you distinguished road, you're the local Melbournian now whom able to bring me everywhere without figuring out how to go"

However, regarding the lost of financial resources,

I was really upset; when I found out that my purse was lost,

I was extremely overwhelmed, I went to the Queen Victoria market and find the purse in the cold although I knew all shops already definitely shut,

after recollections,

I confirmed that my purse was stolen by pick pocket because I remembered I put my purse into my bag after fork out a $45 for lobsters payment.

And after that payment,

Jeanette and me walked back to her apartment for enjoy our seafood lunch at her place,

so I really confirmed that I didn't take my purse out after the lobster payment,

then I head to the uni library to print out those learning materials for uni reopen,

at that time, I realized my purse is lost when I wanted to take out my purse to withdraw the student card for printing.

Now, not only went through financial recession stage, but also a stage of depression,

I didn't know that crime could literally lead such a massive damaging to the community.

Somehow I rejected all helps from kind friends due to thinking that I didn't want to trouble anyone else.

Now, is a best and right moment to see through who is my best friend;

who are the one whom care you the most when you gone through hardship,

and also who is the one who ignored you when they know you have a problem.

The result and answer are interpreted in my heart,

I am quite hesitated whether "helps comes from wealth",

or "poor just couldn't help".

I'm so silly to carried out a friendship test,

I test sherryn whether she is a true friend or not,

surprisingly the answer disappoint me, she didn't want to help at all and even gave me a number that non-existed.

But conversely,

I thought those rich are cold-hearted and more likely to be unhelpful,

this is what I read in the book,

but in reality,

they are kinder than anyone else,

they gave you multiple warm call when you had difficulties,

they spontaneously willing to lend you money even you didn't ask for.

Another friend, who is so kind,

he told me

"Dont worry, every time when I go back to Melbourne, my mom will definitely restore money for me, and I will bring once a year cash back to home, because my parents dont telegraphic transfer money for me."

And another one, he was my ex,

he insisted to send $1000 cash for me although I denied,

to succeed in doing so, he keep telling me that he already confirmed with my house mate to pass the money to me,

although he's a piece of kind intention, but I'm so pissed off for his stubborn.

I even scolded him in the phone

"Your $1000 dollars dont help at all, you think all my friends here dont have one thousands dollar? I can get it anywhere, why should you bother my friend? Dont you know he came up and down from KL, and need to pick up money from you? And also, since today onward, dont treat me so good, because your kind acts hurts my self-esteem. the moment you treat me kinder, then I will think of you treat me better than my parents, when I lost of pandora charms you bought a new set for me, when I dont have money, you deadly want to send me money, and my parents dont even bother at all. Do you know you are damaging my self-esteem and make me feel myself that I'm unloved? Are you feel that my childhood trauma still insufficient?"

After such harsh words,

he was intimidated by my frank thought,

when I cool down, he gave me a call during my shower,

I told him

"To be frankly, that is what I think, I dont like you to treat me good, because you remind me that you care me more than my parents, and not only me, my mom would get jealous because you treat me better than her."

Well,

before I roll down my salty tears, I better "zip up" all these repressive feeling and have a quick deep smile with my little teeth.

But sometimes, I just couldn't control this aspect of maternal emotions.

It make me recalled the damn bad childhood memories.

This time when driver and daddy sent me to airport,

during the departure, coincidence mummy saw me at the house gate,

being inadvertently and uncontrollably,

I leave her with tears instead of cold-heartedly,

I rolled down my tears desperately,

because the childhood memories suddenly drum up in my mind,

I think that somehow she treated me unfairly as a kid, she always bias to other kid's favourite,

and always boycott me in the family and colluded with other siblings to bullied me,

and now I already grown up, I'm reaching the age of leaving home for education purposes.

I cried when I think that life to spent with a mother is so short,

what to say our relationship wasn't end up in a fruitful and happy one?

Besides than that,

I recalled that my enemy ever told me

"Because you are different, that is why I treated you differently".

Thereby, this 'theory' had mixed in my personal life,

whenever this saying came into my mind,

I would think of how my own mother treated in past,

and I responded my enemy in the letter
"Yeah, born differently, that is why got different treatment right? So which is mean to say that I born differently, I got to suffer all the injustice right? Yeah I know, and I knew it long time ago since I was a kid."

And, this saying had eventually intruded and implied all aspect of my life,

I weep and replied that when I think of how my mum treated me when I was a child.

Although it sounds sarcastic to my enemy,

but it also digging the deepest wound in my heart.

Nonetheless, it's a true saying,

"I am born differently, that is why got different treatment",

and vice versa,

the different treatment shaped me into a different child in the family.

Children whom being nurtured normally, of course they grown up to be a normal child,

and likewise the child whom being nurtured differently, definitely they grown up to be a different child.

Anyway,

uni is reopen tomorrow, luckily I came back one week earlier to did my spring-cleaned.

Although I rented a very small room but it took me the whole afternoon to spring-cleaned it,

the process includes unpack luggage, sort out items, discharging old and damage items; vacuumed the floor and to arrange them back to origin,

and also washed all the bed linens, clothes, and to dried it by the window.

I'm doing the same damn house chores as my enemy,

just that she's more OCD than me and needlessly to face exam like me.

Class timetable has tabulated and my hustle-bustle life has formulated,

now classes even involved in Saturday and Sunday!

How crazy is postgraduate.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday are lecture,

then Saturday and Sunday are intensive classes where we attend research classes.

And of course,

if a postgraduate student don't do research, he or she wouldn't call a postgraduate student.

No comments

From this moment onward,

it's less than 24 hours to approach the 'gateway of harmony' for both of us.

She might feels my leaving may ease her burden whereas at the same time it ease my psychological pain too.

One more day,

it's a step closer to our freedom!

And, hooray!

We are stepping towards our eureka moment soon :)

She must be cried joyfully when she stop seeing me for 24 hours...

~~March,~~ symbolized a great blossom month,

it always turn a pessimist into an optimist, especially people whom are so bipolar like me.

It also signified a new beginning for all students whom studying at international institutions,

more than that, it is a hectic month for all university kids.

Chinese new year mood just leave me in a moment ago and uni reopen is around the corner,

both sweet dreams and nightmare came at the same time!

Guess what I have dreamed?

'I dreamed of my enemy obscures my university uniforms to avoid me going to class, and thereby harm me for failing the course (if more than twice didnt go to class).'

Our ridiculous yet vivid interactions are as below:

Me: Hey! Where's my uniform? You better take out! We can't skip class for more than twice, if not will fail the course!

She: I never take! Where you put? What for I go and hide your uniform?

Me: Don't bluffed! You also hide up your own dustbin and bluffed me that your dustbin lost because I played it. Now I don't trust you anymore!

She: I really never take! I can swear to the God, what colour is your uniform?

Me: Is a white-light blue blouse with a skirt in similar colour as the blouse.

She: I never and ever seen your uniform before, how I know where you put? I never ever been to Australia, where you study I also dont know, how come I know your uniform?

Me: Dont bluffed! I really know is you, and you hide it up! If not how come will lost?

She: I where got hide? Ah you dont believe you come my wardrobe find lah! Nahhhh... where got?

I flipped through all her clothes in the wardrobe,

can't really see where's my uniform,

and eventually I told her

"If I failed the course, then you got to pay my tuition fees for all subjects! It is $14,000 AUD for a semester, which is RM 42,000"

She laughed meaninglessly and said

'Ha! I also dont have four thousand two hundreds dollar to change my gate, you think I got forty two thousands to pay your tuition fees?'

I said

'I dont care! Who ask you to hide up my uniform first!'

She said

'What for I take your uniform? I some more help you go throughout the whole street Tong Sampah and find your uniform, see whether people got throw inside or not, you some more said I hide! Aiya I dont want talk to you so much la, now I become good also bad, bad also bad, how? What to do?'

Somehow,

I don't really know why I dreamed that weird dream,

perhaps is a natural stress of signifying uni reopen or a stress that came from my enemy?
I am not sure.... when I check Google for the dreams interpretations,

it interprets those contents as below.

Uniform
To dream that you or someone is in uniform signifies your need to belong or be part of a group. Alternatively, the dream may suggest that you are conforming too much to the beliefs of others. Learn to think for yourself and be your own person.

In particular, to see a nurse's uniform in your dream indicates cleanliness, compassion, and properness. To see a school uniform means how you are identifying with your school and your classmates. It may bring attention to some issue you have at school. To see people in strange uniforms signify disruption and chaos.

Losing thing

If you dream that you have lost something, examine your heart and life the very next day, while the dream is still fresh in your mind. Have you lost touch with yourself lately? Are you too busy? Are parts of your life sort of spinning out of control?

Today, the last two day before flying back to my second home,

I spent my whole night with my bigger family, which is with daddy, sister, younger brother, two aunts (father's elder sisters) and grandma,

the first journey,

we went to Nadayu 28 for inspecting and purchasing a serviced apartment at Sunway for younger brother,

the serviced apartment is super convenient and luxurious, it's just next door to Sunway University, Sunway International School and even Sunway Pyramid Shopping Mall.

After an hour of deal agreement,

we went to Banting for seafood by the river,

the early evening scenario is so beautiful and fantastic,

the river is somehow so much purer and thorougher than Malacca river,

we sat there and had seafood dinner while enjoying the breezy wind.

At the end of the journey,

we went to the lighting event at Jenjarom to walked around,

not really interesting for me although Daddy keep asking me to take more pictures,

I shook my head, and he laughed at my denial to take such pictures,

because he knows I like attractive girlish things; such as shopping, high tea and dressing up,

but definitely not this type of ~~"older generation"~~ lightning parade.

But anyway,

I still enjoyed the beauty of the event,

because it can be rarely seen in my life.

Daddy even said

'Ching! Quickly take pictures, you are going back to Australia, cant see all these anymore!'

I said

'There got horse carriage parade! Even nicer!'

Daddy told aunties

'Tomorrow she is going back to Australia to be her Aussie already"

Second Aunt laughed loudly at me and said

'HAHAH!! Your father said you gonna be Australian tomorrow already...'

The most unpredictable thing was my enemy and me even went to the same place without seeing each other, which is Jenjarom,

See! How small is the world but how big is an earth!

People could went to the same place without seeing each other.

No comments

On the contrary,

I hold a different summer period from others due to the standing in South pole,

for me, my summers lies on December, January and February.

"School closed for this quarter of period once a year and will reopen on Monday, 29th February 2016, did you notice this year our school reopens during a leap-year day?."

It was a huge relief during these two and a half months summer hols,

I've gone through most of the joyous celebrations in my twenty three, such as Christmas, Chinese New Year, Japan winter vacation and the most vitally the precious time that I spent with those whom close to me.

Today, it's the second day from mid February,

and also it's one day closer to school reopens,

the deep down feeling is so reluctant yet extremely excited at the same time,

however I am now all ready to accept the new challenge in 2016 and the hustle-bustle life that coming soon.

After the Day 9 Chinese New year,

I thought I need to stop eating junk foods due to the excess weight gain during this period,

but the attractive Malaccan foods drove me mad and pushing me to eat more!

Especially foods like Satey Celup, Durian, jackfruit, Tomyam seafood vermicelli and so on,

I just can't resist them in my daily life in Malaysia!

My everyday morning is so beautiful at this moment - laying on the oversize bed and waiting for my body clock to wake me up,

whenever I woke up in the late morning,

I would looked out of the window at the monkey reaching for foods,

hearing the lively marching sound which came from nautical miles,

and then stretch up slowly, walked down to the lovely kitchen,

fed those fishes in the pond, made my own cuppa decent coffee, and occasionally make cocktail prawn salad for me.

Too bad,

sometimes I sipped the coffee without a newspaper,

but still having my adorable 5 months old nephew whom cheered me up every morning.

"Pity! I would say myself too young to be a mom but too old to be an aunt :) "

Whenever I glanced at him with a kind smile,

he would excitedly kicked in the air and babbled innocently,

yes, this is what I want to looking for,

the most natural and blissful moment when our family have a new family member.

He reminds me that I'm a little older every year, and it's time to get a partner if I manage to find it.

Besides than that,

my two lovely god-sons already grown up to be cute toddlers rather than newborn babies.

Whereas, in the twinkling of an eye, it's already a year since my bachelor graduation!

See, how fast and how magical a time is!

Couldn't believe that everyone of us have grown up so fast; the older generation have grown old,

and the very old have passed away.

Yes, this is life, the unpredictable life and the amazing earth that keeps human generating, alive and leave.

Vividly recalled a conversation between me and the office boy whom worked in daddy's company for 24 years,

he asked me

"Sekarang Huay Ching belajar apa di Australia?"

I answered

"Belajar Master of Property di Australia"

He get astonished and said

'Huay Ching sudah master?? You umur berapa?'

I proclaimed

"Dua puluh tiga"
He said

"Woah, Dua Puluh Tiga Sudah Masuk Master? Pandainya... tapi Huay Ching Ada 23? Jangan tipu, cakap benar!"

I said

"Betul, I sekarang Master."

Another staff told him

'Ehhhh you pun tak muda lagi, betul lah, Datin Seri cakap dia sudah master"

Then he pondered awhile for how long he has been working and said

'Oh ya, ada kut, semasa abang sabri masuk kerja, Datin seri masih hamil, dua mingu macam tu, Huay Ching Lahir lah, huay ching lahir November hari apa?"
I said

'22 November 1992"

He said

'Ah betul lah, I datang pada mingu kedua November, 8 November Macam tu"

Seriously,

it's hard to believe that time is so magical,

two decades have been gone that way,

even my enemy, had started to grow old,

I've witnessed a lot of physical change from her from her 40 something to 50 something in recent years.

In these days,

she began to hunchbacked, walked slowly, became less aggressive, her voice changed from sharp to deep voice, her iris turned grey and complained that she fall sick a lot.

I don't know whether she suffers from any disease or merely transforming into another phrase of life?

But then two days ago,

I realized that her physical power actually still stronger than me,

when she get angry of me,

she wanted to put Jerry into my car,

I used both hands forcefully pulled in the car door to resist her from pulling outwardly,

my body already lean backwardly (45 degree) to produce maximum force,

surprisingly, by using one hand, she could successfully opened up the door with a small gap while carrying Jerry with another hand.

See, how fabulous she is that her physical power can beats 24 years old !

Ain't kidding, I was shocked when I used up all my physical force but yet her physical power still stronger than mine!

Back to my life content, during this summer holidays,

my nightlife in Malaysia is really different from Aussie,

in Australia, I did a lot studying and went many pubs at night,

yet in Malaysia, I visit tons of cafes at night and did a lot socializing events in most evenings.

I would say "Open house", "Wedding dinners" and "Home party" drive me mad but keeps my life overly busy in a healthy way,

most of the time, I reluctant to attend wedding dinners due to can't really sit still for such a long and bored event,

but then when look at the optimistic side,

wedding dinner defines two partners willingness to stay together, their mutual consensus and agreement to love each other.

It also stand for two of them being bride and bridegroom once a lifetime after propose to each other.

Well,

let me illustrates more about my annual Chinese New Year celebration before I go and take shower.

Day 1 - unavoidably and being compulsory, it's Datuk Gwee's Anual birthday celebration, and we spent our CNY Day 1 night at his open house every year.

Day 2 - I'm wearing this favourite baby blue dress and waiting visitors to come our visit for CNY visitation.

My dear God-family came my house and played with me,

two god brothers socialized with daddy and the most happily, they managed to get up men's favourite - S400, for testing and look around.

And the most funnily yet ironically,

Dager said

'Woahhhh, your house got 10 cars, so you can simply choose any one that you wished for driving out."

And I answered

"Of course cant choose, the only available one for me is JAZZ!!!"

Hahaha!!! Everyone laughed so loud.

Due to the over luxury of every cars out there, I claimed that I only can drive Jazz.

Daddy also smiled and laughed soundlessly,

I told them in front of daddy

"One of the time, I told my father I dont want drive Jazz, he even said screw you! Go drive Jazz! Then walked away like usual...."

LMAO! Everyone could imagined his serious pattern and can't stop laughing!

They asked me

'How come he say screw you??"

I said

'Because I told him Pa I dont want drive jazz, people see I drive jazz, then always dont let me parked ones... I dont want drive jazz now, then he said Screw you! Go drive jazz....'

*Everyone of them can't stop laughing for daddy's seriousness.

Day 3 - Open house, still open house, attend my brother in law's sister's open house with wearing a burgundy floor length skirt.

Day 4 - I went to Freeport Factory Outlet with eldest sis, the shop lots there are so cool and items are all so cheap, I feel so glad and lucky that I got two pairs of favourite Tiamo shoes for RM40, two dresses for RM100; one blouse for RM19.90 and another matching blue skirt for RM19.90 too!

Lastly, all these good and pretty days have gone wonderfully,

I'm gonna say bye to Malaysia, Enemy's house, foolish Jerry and the least likable Junior for at least one year.

Bye enemy,

hope she lives happily and healthily when I wasn't around, and the most importantly,

I wish I could still see her jerky smile as usual to proves her extreme healthy :)

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if a postgraduate student don't do research, he or she wouldn't call a postgraduate student.

"School closed for this quarter of period once a year and will reopen on Monday, 29th February 2016, did you notice this year our school reopens during a leap-year day?."

"Pity! I would say myself too young to be a mom but too old to be an aunt :) "

I wish I could still see her jerky smile as usual to proves her extreme healthy :)

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