Tomorrow 2014
Tomorrow,
it will be a brand new year of 2014.
Tomorrow,
it has a deep significance to me.
Tomorrow,
it tell me that I am actually entering into the fifth year of post-trauma.
Indeed,
my worst enemy is my memory...
My heart is so heart-wrenching till now,
the feeling of hurt and pain resemble I am losing my own child,
it's indescribable painful to someone who actually experience this trauma.
In Chinese calendar, it has been 5 years;
in English calender, it just 4 years and 1 month.
However, regardless of the date,
these flashbacks have been planted in my mind since long time ago till now,
the most I think of is the image of the person instead of the incident.
Due to the few years intake of medication for the sake of suppress traumatic flashbacks,
I have been seriously getting better and better,
a lot people who concerned of me had aware of my improvement and recovery.
But another aftermath happened right now,
due to the long term medication, my liver has been start spoiling now :(
In most serious circumstance,
my liver will get harden and ultimately arouse vein blockage which lead to heart disease.
But the truth is I can't stop my pill at all,
as if once I stop the pill,
I might be fainted on the following day due to overtiring from sleep deprivation.
Overall,
these are the aftermath of add math incident,
previously,
I thought the trauma of add math incident would be merely caused psychological disturbance to me,
but now the physical condition is so serious now till I am stunned and speechless.
I can't move forward nor move backward,
I can't do any best choices for myself,
I can't stop my pill nor restrict my liver get worsened,
I really hatred this person in my life and I will hate her forever,
she is the one who caused so much life long inconvenient to me,
if not her action of the day,
I won't be having so much troublesome and health problems today.
Anyway,
hi world of 2014,
hope I will be fine and healthy in the year of 2014 or if possibly throughout my life :)
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