Little startled
After one year of consuming the drugs of Quetiapine 25mg which prescribed by doctor,
I always do wondered that why I do not recover and the repetitive flashbacks still get along with me?
At times,
I pondered when I had a cup of coffee alone,
I think the question of
'Is the drug function for both forgetting trauma and sleeping or it just mainly function for sleep?'
I always worried that my drug is only function for sleep but not include in recover trauma.
Till now,
I am still consuming it;
a lot people told me to be patience, they claimed that I recovered a lot but haven't fully recover,
but from my own observation,
I felt like I just able to sleep but not able to recover at all,
if one day without pill,
I will get sleepless throughout the entire night till 6 or 7am,
and as long as if I take pill,
I can sleep at any time after 15 minutes swallowed pill.
In just a moment ago,
I browsed through the internet about 'Quetiapine 25mg',
I got a little startled and shocked when I seen the conclusion.
I am a little worried and suspected that this pill is only function for sleep but not recover trauma.
It wrote like that (Copied and paste from Google)
Conclusions
- Quetiapine is not approved nor recommended for primary insomnia.
- Quetiapine is commonly prescribed off-label as a sleep aid, but only one RCT examined its use in patients with insomnia. It found no benefit.
- No published RCT evidence exists comparing quetiapine with other drugs for insomnia.
- Management of primary insomnia should focus on education and encouragement of appropriate sleep habits. Drugs should be limited to short duration, intermittent use, or daily use only in exceptional cases.
Yet,
after I seen this,
my mind is a piece of confused and fear,
I really do not know what to do,
I really do not want I am in vain eating this pill for one year,
it's really suffering and wasting of time.
Conclusively,
I am thinking to give up in this recovering journey.
My perspective is since cannot forget then just don't forget,
at least with pill, I am able to sleep at night; better than nothing.
Since I have been used to live in the shadow of trauma,
just let me continue surviving within this darkness.
I feel more comfortable to have the flashbacks of trauma compared to without it.
Please let me be alone and left me without peace,
I don't need anyone to secure my fears,
I don't need anyone tell me that I do not need to be afraid,
I know that I don't have the rights to say neither I want to forget nor I can forget.
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