excessive insecure

Just a moment ago,

I asked Jerry in a very depressive voice

'Do you think my IETLS will get roughly how many marks according to my ability? I dont know how many marks will I get because I dont know the standard, my MUET got band 4.'

He asked

'What is MUET?'

I said

'Malaysian University English Test.'

He said

'Oh, I dont know. I just knew IELTS only.'

I said

'Last time how many marks you get?'

He said

'I got 5.5'

I said

'You think I will roughly get how many marks? I scared I cant get into master.'

He said

'You ah... I think around 7.0'

I said

'Got so good? I keep thinking I will get around 6.0, because most of my friends get around 6.0, like you get 5.5 and Serena get 6.5. So I scared I will get around the average like 6.0'

He said

'Because I got a friend who get 7.0 in china, and his ability is almost like you, so I think you will get around 7.0'

I said

'But my grammar very weak.'

He said

'Grammar not a big deal, the most important is you have a strong vocab and understand the context of the questions. You know? Last two days, I asked you help me my editing and publishing assignment, defining what the stories were actually writing about, after you summarized the story, I took your work and showed the lecturer, the lecturer thought it was my work, and he asked me: Since when your English become so good? Hahahaha!'

I laughed and said

'Hahahaha! Really? Who is that lecturer?'

He said

'My editing and publishing lecturer, he thought is my work, he asked me since when your english become so good?'

I said

'So straight forward?'

He said

'Yes, they Caucasian are like that ones... very straight forward. He said the work I did very good, and praised I got a very high understanding ability because he said I got large vocabulary skill to grasp the meaning of the content. Then I was smiling, but I never tell him that is your work.'

I said

'So you really think I can get 7.0 for my IELTS?'

He said

'Of course can, according to your ability. Because I got a lot of friends also got take IELTS, so I can roughly guess the standard. Plus your speaking skill maybe can get 7.5, so your overall mark maybe is 7.0'

I said

'But my listening skill not good. I easily distracted.'

He said

'Listening no need to worry, they got repeat twice ones...'

I said

'Oh then same with MUET lo... last time I took MUET also got repeat twice 1... My listening skill scored full marks in MUET....'

He said

'You scored full marks for your listening skill in MUET, why you still think your listening skill not good?'

I said

'I can understand what people talking about, but when sometimes people start talking already, I still daydreaming, so I scared I cant hear and loss my marks.'

he said

'Listening dont worry, they got repeat ones... as long as you understand the content, then you can get full marks. But for us China student, haiz.... we heard clearly, but no one sentence understand. That is the problem! Hahaha!'

When Jerry said that,

I can't stop laughing. LOL!

I said

'Really got people like that ones?'

He said

'Not got people like that, is everyone of us like that in China... we were very attentive to the speaker, but cant understand. But you are different, you are inattentive, but when the speaker repeat for second time, you still can heard and understand.'

I said

'Yes yes, that is why I can scored full marks for my listening test in MUET. But I just scared I day dream only, because for example when I heard the answer already, then I wrote down already, I am waiting the next questions and start to day dream, then when the speaker start reading out the next question already, I still day dreaming, I scared this thing will happen.'

He said

'This one you really no need to worry, because when comes to exam, you will definitely behave more attentive ones, that is human's nature response to exam. Haha!'

I said

'Got repeat is good lah, I scared no repeat only.'

He said

'Sure got repeat ones... So many candidates sitting for the exam, how if people never heard for the first time? So as a rule, they have repeat, dont worry about this.'

I said

'But you really think I can get 7.0? I scared I get 6.0.... because the entry requirement for University of New South Wales is 6.5, I scared I cant enter.'

He said

'Told you d, dont worry, your standard can get 7.0, the worst case is 6.5, and your speaking and writing skill is good, I think you get 7.5 also possible.'

I laughed and said

'That is impossible. Haha! The full mark is 9.0.... impossible people get 7.5, unless people from oxford university....'

He said

'Ya, my friend highest is 7.0 only... but that consider very high already... my meaning is your speaking and writing skill can improve your mark. The range is 1-9, so can get 7.0 consider very professional already, you know my friend from China, some get 4.0, some get 3.0, even 2 point something one also got.'

I said

'Then why are they now?'

He laughed and said

'They are still in China, cannot come. Haha! Because not enough of point, especially journalism like you, at least 6.0 for bachelor degree, even me 5.5 also cannot enter, only can study Bachelor of English only. Haha!'

When Jerry said that,

I really can't stop laughing. LOL!

He is giving me such a funny example,

he said himself band 5.5 only,

cannot study journalism so just enter Bachelor of English.

I asked

'So what is the entry requirement for Bachelor of English?'

He said

'5.5, I just merely enough point to get into Bachelor of English. If my point lesser than that, I think even Bachelor of English also cant enter. Maybe go for Bachelor of Education in early childhood only, that one 5.0 can enter already.' 

I laughed and said

'Why you are looking down yourself lower and lower? hahahaa! So funny!'

He said

'No, my meaning is your English already considered very good when compared to other people, if your English not good, I think you journalism also cannot enter in the first place. They wont give you offer letter if you dont hit the entry requirement. So my meaning is no need worry about your English, even for entry requirement of Master.' 

I said

'I dont know why I still very worry about my English even a lot people said my English very good.'

He said

'Ya, from the first day I talked to you in orientation, I already knew your English very good, better than those normal Malaysians. And who told you your English is good?'

I said

'My father and my mother told me, my mum's sister told my mother... and my father's sister told me, and my cousins told me, and last time my foundation English lecturer told me. But for my own opinion, I dont think my English is good, because since young until now, I never go and purposely learn English, I never read a lot.'

He asked

'If you never read a lot, then how you know so many rare words?'

I said

'I dont know, haha! Many people also asked me this questions, my ex boyfriend also asked me how come I seldom read, but know so many words? But the truth is I knew those rare words from newspaper, when  read it the first time maybe I cannot remembered, but when I saw the second time then I remembered already.'

He said

'Yes, that is also considered read a lot already, newspaper got so many words, dont know how many millions words per sheet. In china, people dont read English newspaper, talk to people also dont talk in English.'

After a mark suggestion of band score '7.0' from Jerry,

I still very worry for the poor achievement and thus I go Google searched

'How many marks would I get for IELTS'

LOL!

I typed that and it pop out the average marks based on self-evaluation for IELTS test,

seems like Jerry really didn't bluff me,

I think my standard is around band score 7.0,

because based on the 'all the way' English tests since secondary school till my University foundation year,

I usually scored around 32 per 40 questions.

So now I really can put down the stone in my heart,

I think Jerry really didn't bluff me,

Google also came out I will get around 7.0 for my IELTS,

and I know I wouldn't get below 30 out of 40 questions.

So now I really can trust myself that I will get at least 7.0 for my IELTS.

Okay!

Now I really have faith to get entry into the University of New South Wales already :)

Hope this blog post everyday remind me not to worry about this!

Seems like I just like what Kaima always said me,

the one who 'always worry the unnecessary things',

LOL!

Kaima always said I worry about something which unlikely to happen,

such as get unemployed in the future.

Kaima said

'Ehhhh.... Australia graduate leh.... where scared no jobs? Some more if you think of those local university graduate leh, even worst. Who wants to hire them if you have the 3 years overseas degree? Some more you going for Master leh, impossible no job for you. So dont worry about a thing which impossible to happen.'

And Serene also said the almost same thing like Kaima,

Serena laughed and said

'Eh, I really dont know what are you afraid? Why you so scared no job? Now your family very poor meh? The most if you really really unemployed, then eat at home and dont go out eat lah, so simple only, you scared no rice to eat meh? I really dont know what thing affecting you now.'

And now,

Jerry even said

'Eh Clarissa I really dont know where your worries come from? Your English so strong, 100% you wont be underachievement like failing a English test, why you go and worry this insignificant thing? Do you feel that your English will failed? So what are you afraid now? I really dont understand.'

And Sherryn said

'As I said, no need worry so much, just wait and see since that day still havent arrive, why you go and worry something havent happen and also something unlikely to happen?'

Now,

I really doubting the severity of my insecurity.

One, two, three, four! Four persons saying the same thing but in different situation,

am I worry too much?

Just like the best example Jerry asked me

'Do you think there is a possibility you will fail in your English test? I really dont understand where your source of worry came from?'