Graduated

Officially graduated four days ago,

the inner feeling is so contradicted; feel that my status being promoted yet it signified a radical transformation in my life.

No longer a young nor old child, but legally a graduated "beauty with the brains".

I leave the small and old city to a larger region,

the exploration makes me wiser and wiser.

Eventually,

 I earned the so called prestigious "Australia's Bachelor degree" in the world,

During these three years Bachelor degree,

I didn't afraid of anything, regardless of it's Australia education standard or Malaysia standard.

I tried my best, study hard and play hard,

surprisingly I get to hit a credit achievement for Bachelor of Arts,

BA - Google Wikipedia referred it as the most common degree in the world.

Frankly speaking,

 my impression towards this course is no ones will knows how hard was it until they experienced themselves,

the difficulty is you will have endless chapters to read,

supreme challenging vocabulary, 

you must have an extremely awesome English and superb memory skill to earned this degree.

Six years ago,

I had a lifelong trauma, I tried to haul this trauma from my heart,

but seems like it's impossible to do it,

no matter how hard I tried, the repetitive memories still haunt me in the midnight.

I went through the stages with daily tears and psychological torment.

It getting serious day by day since the day it happened,

at the first place, I tried to ignore, but then, I knew that it has eventually turned out to be an inevitable part of element in my life.

I can't deny that I still have minor shadow at this moment,

but i'm lucky that I had some space to get better.

Perhaps, I should thank the positive treatment from her,

I really didn't expect that she would change her attitude, I thought we will be forever like that.

People scare me that trauma is always forever,

and some even told me that I need at least a decade to get better.

But, the lucky thing is I only used up half decade to recover and stood up my life.

Indeed,

we all go through life bristling at our external limitations, 

but the most difficult chains to break are inside us.

In life,

I tend to make small decisions with my head but a very big decision in my heart,

because I strongly believed this is the first step towards success.

Without decisions, we can't even change our life,

I have an extremely strong virtue and principle that people usually get inspired for what I spoken,

You can't say I'm cocky but just that I'm the way I am.

Since the trauma of seventeenth, 

I lived in fear and insecurities till the moment I came to this silent country,

I build a new independence and establish a new thinking,

althought I'm still with the same name, but people said I changed in all perspectives.

I start to stop afraid of fear because i knew it sharpen me,

fear lemme become a stronger person, newer woman, and a wiser individual. 

I remembered kaima always told me that I can't run away from fear;

because that's the way I conquered my trauma and walk towards recovery.

I bear in mind that if I run away from fear, I'm also running away from the chance of getting better.

Now,

I'm having a life of after graduated,

the experience is things getting tougher,

postgraduate is indescribable hard, that's why 'master' stand for titles for higher intelligent individuals.

I took an hour to figure the concepts by myself, and finally I succeeded.

Obviously, the 'title' pays the price.

Within every few weeks,

we have class tests for every each subjects,

you only have short period to conquered the subjects,

practice the calculation, memorize the facts and apply it by using your nature intelligence.

Previously,

I thought master is something which we could gain by paying a big deal of wealth,

but now, I knew I was mistaken about this concept,

it is something which we need both wealth and intelligence to purchase the title.

Currently,

although I'm busy and stressful,

but I lead a quite productive and happy life,

perhaps the trauma lesser, so my mind is freer, 

I even decided to write a postcard and send her a letter,

this is something unexpected for both of us in past.

I never predict that we have today,

no matter what is it, at least I make myself happier and let her happier too.

Some nights,

I read what she wrote for me before I turned off my bed light.

Every shower,

I repetitively reheard the audio conversation we spoke to each other.

It seriously calm me a lot and lemme less afraid a lot.

Somehow,

she indirectly let me know that we all make interesting mistakes but learned from mistaken, and the most importantly be a kinder person.

We don't have to be really religious, but at least don't do something cruel and immoral.