End of the April

From day to day,

May is approaching soon in a week time,

everyday the daily mission just ended by that way, and another challenge come on the next morning.

my life is craving for over-achievement and striking towards my future.

I remembered the ordinary days how I used to motivate people around me,

and showing the right example to them that how I live my life.

But,

I didn't tell them about the little negative things that I think in my head.

That's my past.

I remembered one of the most meaningful quote in FACEBOOK

And, I agreed this saying,

everyday I act out like a consultant to advice my friends when they need a solution or motivation,

but actually I can't deal it with my past,

for what I can deal, is the things that involved in now and then.

Occasionally,

I have a massive drink, not because I'm 'thirsty',

but can't get rid of the shadow that I had in the past.

I tried to forget this person, but I don't.

And I remember my dearest god mother told me that
"Since you cant forget and just dont forget, just be good with her, that is consider good enough."

And I think it's true and meaningful,

I don't have to forget her, I don't have to delete or renew the memories in my head,

but just create something pleasurable,

vividly recalled the days we joked and laughed for the poor things that happened in between us,

teasing around and acting each other.

We end up with a laughter when my salty tears are overflowed, 

sometimes when I get bored in the class,

I tore the a piece of paper from the notebook,

and wrote down the funny things which had actually happened in between us.

And I remembered she told me once in a paper

"Every cloud has a silver lining"

And yeah! I agreed that but just can't admit it,

can't admit in the sense that to let it happen although I agreed this perfect analogy.

I can't embrace the hopeful side of our relationship,

because I always think that she is intentionally harming me,

and sometimes I think that she did stopped harming me,

but later and again,

my brain will find some latest evidence to prove that she would.

Sometimes,

I'm quite hopeless in the light that  I don't have the ability to move on,

I guessed it's because I've immersed in this shadow for too long,

and don't find the curability earlier.

But now,

I think we are fine, nightmares still happened occasionally,

but at least not everyday now,

I've feel so much contented that I already recovered a lot.

Good bye bloggie, I feel so much better after pouring out the most struggle thing in my heart.