mood swing

Today,

it has been a mood fluctuation day,

I slept well last night, but just never feel good today, my forehead is a bit warm than usual,

feeling that I fall sick today.

More than that,

I have been practice for examination for the whole day,

my eyes non stop focusing on the computer (questions), calculator (getting the answer) and paper (writing the answer).

Later,

I felt slightly headache and my eyes are so exhausted,

subsequently my whole body is so warm (thinking that I already fall sick).

When I trying to think about the damn good things about her to eliminates the negative thought in mind,

but unfortunately,

I think about the good things for awhile, and the rest, are the moment she tortured me.

I don't know how come I will have the repetitive and compelling thoughts,

where recalled the flashback she caned me on add math day, intimidating me for whatsoever reasons, attempted to kill me with knife, dragged me harshly on street to injured me, beaten me with rods, woods and spatula as well as strangled me with the yellow dog string behind her house (attempted to kill but failed).

Then, after all these compelling thoughts,

I even rolled down my salty tears and think that I'm born to be tortured and bullied,

in this world,

only parents are the kindest creature,

then wouldn't dare to injured their child or do something harmfully,

but just providing the best material and situation to the child,

and I realized that this is the unconditional love from parents.

And when I tried to see my enemy's true personality,

I noticed that although she appeared cruel and malicious to outsider,

but she's same as my parents, over-protecting and sheltering her children,

although she came from a lower-end family background,

but still unspeakably sacrifice everything for her children (just to let her children live better),

but not providing anything to herself.

I see a cruel but selfless perspective of her,

it's really amazing and fantastic that how great are all the parents in the world.

Sometimes,

I even think of if she really kind or good,

why not she teach her children to be good and kind, instead of spoiling their character by teaching them to be malicious.

I ever asked Kaima this question before,

I asked that
"Why she wants to teach her children badly? Dont you think that every parents surely want their children to behave well and to be a highly moralized person?"
She answered me

"Sometimes, they cant determine their environment due to the chaotic relationship in the family, imagine that if your parents fighting all the way, your emotional development will also get affected. So, is not she teach her children to be bad, is her children own self turn bad due to the poor environment factor, that is why you can see her children, all also very bad tempered."
I answered

'But I thought emotions are more like genetic, is determined in the genes, like my father is less emotionally volatile person, and my mum is highly emotional person, Im their average, and all my siblings also have average emotions, easily get defended, but not until the stage of aggressive.'

She said

'Yes, but your parents never quarreled, because quarreling is the primary factor of affecting children emotions"

I said

'But even quarreled, why dont she ask her children to behaved well? Still can ask them to be not to offended easily or not to be aggressive"
She even laughed, joked and said

"HAHAHA! She own self already cant control her emotions, still how to control her children emotions some more? So everyone in the family just sama-sama bad tempered together hahahaha!

Well,

its time to sleep now,

bye bye bloggie.

Tomorrow got to continue practice valuation exam some more!

After these two final examinations,

I'll be enjoying my great winter holiday already.

Good luck and good night to myself :)