Unforgettable clout

Very often,

this unforgettable strike crossed my mind inevitably,

the flashback reminds me of the powerful hit on my right backbone,

the formidable scar tells the real soreness,

when looking back this photograph,

it made me evoked a double contradicting scenarios where she strikes the final rod on my back with persistence and the weird-guilt face later.

When all is said and done, is she a good one or a baddie?

Why she treats me worst like hell in the past,

tried her best to trapped in any bad situation,

when I asked her not to do a particular action; she insisted to opposed my intention.

This made me recalled the time I cried outside her house in the stuffy car,

she said

'now I am going out, today you stayed here!'

I cried and said

'I dont want....'

Not surprisingly,

she cruelly ignored my shedding tears; turned away and walked into her house.

From this impression,

she used to be a cruel person in my heart who often intentionally lemme cry and suffer,

especially the add math, it made me feel more that she hates me.

When I asked her the reason why she hates me,

she said 

"I didn't"

Then I straight asked her

'You know what is hate or not? Why you said you didn't hate me?'

Sometimes,

I would still doubt her real intention,

she really friended with me or she has other motive?

Why when we mention of add math, her facial expression not quite true,

it supposed to be a tragedy,

but on contrary her facial expression was grinning.

I thought friend supposed to show a certain degree of empathy,

but she still act like a villain.

I'm really disappointed for that particular facial expression, even till now,

when I recalled that scene,

my heart embrace the ultimate sadness.

Last night,

when all these sorrowful bits and pieces crossed my mind,

I even cried silently in the uni computer pool until 3 am,

very unfortunately,

when the campus security guard round the classroom for the midnight safety reason,

he opened up the computer pool door and check is there anyone inside,

he even saw I shed tears and smiled with him with watery eyes.

He asked me

'Are you okay?'

I nodded my head and said

"Yea I'm fine",

then continued streaming down my tears.

I stayed in the uni till 3 something,

then walked back home with tears too.

The strong wind made me cried more, I dont know why, perhaps feel more sorrowful?

Now, I start to feel ashamed to go to the uni till late, 

because the security guard had seen my joke,

he saw I cried alone, he saw the most horrible scene that I had, he saw my tears,

he used to think that I am a hardworking person who often burn midnight oil in the computer pool for assignment,

 he saw the scene that he's not supposed to seen,

he knew the real me now,

the real Clarissa who used the uni computer pool till late as a haven....

Sherryn, really a smart person or perhaps a great best friend,

once she guessed already guessed it right I hadn't take my medicine,

when I saw she wrote that, I feel so touching.....

because I felt that I really found someone who is able to understand me till that level,

she has been fully grasped all my personal lifestyle - my body clock, daily itinerary, my life-long interest and so on!