Sick of confusion

Last night, almost 4am....

still drawing, typing and calculating for valuation assignment.

In the midst of stress,

suddenly recalled the unwanted memories in my mind which happened across my late teenage years,

my seventeenth, eighteenth, nineteenth and twentieth finally gone....

But it gone with diverse hurts and leave me with forever memories,
the abuse had over, yet it leave me with the brutal scenes in certain midnight.
I think I did a good recuperation here, but my brain wasn't good at all,
I appeared strong in public but so fragile inside.
Sometimes, in the midnight, when I think about the 'wrong' thing,
I have a sense of strangle myself immediately when the traumatic scenes crossed my mind....
I hate her, I really hate her, I can't deny that I am acting her friend.
I can't lie my heart that I really disliked her,
but I feel that buying her materialistic thing does certainly makes my heart better and balance the situation.
I admitted I'm sick - sick of confusion;
confused that what caused me loathe her like hell.