Two days ago,

just had a hot fought with daddy and now we having cold war.
Thing came this way,

on the two nights ago,

I hang out with friends for night tea,

daddy phoned me and asked me where I am?

I answered him

'I am outside with friends.'

He even yelled loudly in phone

'Later dont go Pn Lye there ah!!!'

I straight yelled back

'I where got go Pn Lye there? Now I am in old town with friends!'

He talked in a loud way

'I say later dont go pn lye there ah!'

I straight yelled super loud and said

'I say never go means I never go lah!'

*Then straight hang up the call

After a few minutes after I hang up the call,

I still felt extremely furious and angry due to his loud voice,

I even get crazy and sent message and scolded him go die!

This is the first time I been so angry because I most hatred someone being rude and loud to me.

Daddy asked me

'Why I sampai scolded him go die?'

I answered him

'Because I been too furious! I most hate people being loud to me! I never go you say I go! Angry!'

Subsequently,

my heart is full of resentment due to the loudness from daddy.

Normally,

I just pressed 3 times bell.

I even think of press 6 times bell to anger daddy for the sake of make him angry more than I angry previously.

LOL! Because I knew if I pressed bell then Pn Lye sure will tell daddy,

so I just use bell to anger daddy!

I know if I press 6 times bell, then Pn lye will tell daddy

'Normally she just press 3 times ting tong ting tong ting tong only... dont know why yesterday she pressed 6 times, ting tong ting tong ting tong ting tong ting tong ting tong and ran away!'

*Then daddy will know the consequences of he anger me in the first place.

Yesterday,

I really attempted to press 6 times bell to anger Pn Lye as well as daddy.

For Pn Lye - let her know the more she rush out, the more I press her bell when I come

For daddy - let him know the more he being rude to me or restrict me to go, the more I go + disturb !

Today,

I accidentally get to read the online american news about my rebellion behaviour.

When I am digesting this news,

I straight get to relate between this news and my behaviour in few days ago.

(Copied and paste the article below)

Parents: Yelling and swearing at teens can backfire

Harsh verbal discipline increases the risk teens will misbehave and exhibit symptoms of depression.

What can parents do to rear a teen who is well-behaved, happy and respectful?

A tactic that doesn't work is broadly called harsh verbal discipline, whether that's shouting at teens, yelling, screaming, swearing, insulting or calling them names, says a study out today. In fact, those parenting actions increase the risk that the adolescent will misbehave and suffer symptoms of depression.

Shouting and yelling are ineffective and can be harmful, says study's author Ming-Te Wang, assistant professor in the department of psychology and the school of education at the University of Pittsburgh. "This may explain why so many parents say that no matter how loud they shout, their teenagers don't listen."

Wang and colleagues studied 967 two-parent families and their teens in Pennsylvania. Most of the families were middle class, generally white or African American. The parents and their children completed surveys over a two-year period on issues such as parent-child relationships and mental health.

Thirteen-year-olds who received a lot of harsh verbal discipline from their parents were more likely to have symptoms of depression at age 14, according to the findings published in the journal Child Development. They were also more likely to exhibit problem behaviors such as anger, aggression, vandalism and misconduct, Wang says.

Psychologists who work with teens and their families say parents should carefully consider the implications of these findings.

When you expose children to prolonged stress — and it does not have to be severe stress — you increase the risk of all kinds of physical and mental health problems, says Alan Kazdin, professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale University and author of The Everyday Parenting Toolkit.

You do not want harshness in the home, Kazdin says. "We do not want toxins. That shows up in mental and physical health. We want acceptance, nurturing, love, cuddling."

Ongoing harsh verbal discipline and criticism can fuel difficulties and rebellion in kids, says Neil Bernstein, an adolescent psychologist in Washington, D.C., and author ofHow to Keep Your Teenager Out of Trouble and What to Do if You Can't.

"Extremes of parenting don't work. The put-down parent is no more effective than the laissez-faire parent who is totally chill and sets no limits on their children's behavior."

That said, there are times where parents are justifiably angry and yell in exasperation, he says. For instance, if a teen has put himself in a dangerous situation, such as driving drunk or recklessly, a parent may scream, "You could have been killed."

"If parents are being honest, almost everybody has done that every once in awhile," he says. But this study is looking at ongoing harsh discipline —— putdowns, cursing, yelling. "That isn't constructive," Bernstein says.

Neither is hitting teens. "Physical intervention, especially with teenagers, is notoriously ineffective, and it's much more likely to precipitate additional problems than it is to lessen whatever problem is going on," he says. "Kids are very big on being respected. If we want to respect our kids, we don't want to set the example that we are losing our temper and hitting them."

So what does work when rearing teens?

A better idea would be to use constructive consequences, something that educates rather than humiliates, Bernstein says. For example, if your teen violates a curfew, you might ground her for a few weeks explaining that when she convinces you it won't happen again, you'll return to your old agreement. "I'm well aware that taking away tech toys is a favorite punishment these days, but it should be done on a short-term basis to increase the motivation. For example, they get them back sooner for good behavior."

When it comes to rearing teens, "the big three are good communication, love and limits," Bernstein says. "If you consistently practice these three, chances are you'll raise a happy, healthy child."

The goal is to teach children to do the behaviors that you want, Kazdin says. Harsh yelling or punishment just stops the behavior at the moment, but does not develop the behaviors that you want, he says.

What parents need to do is catch their teens doing things right and praise those behaviors. If you do that, it will increase your respectful exchanges with them and decrease the disrespectful ones, Kazdin says.

For instance, if they do a good job setting the table or getting along with their siblings, praise them. If they are sharing information with you politely, then say, "That was great the way you spoke to me. I really appreciate it," and then give them a high-five or thumbs up, he says.

"We want to teach kids, not hurt them," he says. "If we are teaching our children, they are less likely to repeat the behavior. If we hurt or diss our children, we'll increase the likelihood of bad behavior."

After I read this,

I even think its so true :(
Whenever daddy and mommy shout at me or scold me,

I will definitely do something to overcome them,

particularly I will go Pn Lye there more often to make Pn Lye phone them. LOL!

I will think one stone kill two birds!

Firstly,

I am revenge Pn Lye about what she did to me in past,

secondly,

I thinking to let daddy think if he makes me angry then I would make him angrier!

After dissatisfied daddy yelled at me in the phone,

yesterday, I even attempted to press 6 times bell,

before I went there,

I told myself

'This time must be brave, dont afraid of her dogs, even if her dogs bark then just let them bark since they cant rush out as the gate is locked. Even if they bark in front of me also must press 6 times!'

But the fact was when the real situation came I only manage to pressed 4 times! LOL!

I don't know why >.<

When I pressed the second time the dog started to bark and rushing over the gate,

when the dog reached the gate, I just pressed the 4th time only already ran away!

I dont know why!

I already told myself in earlier that if the dog bark in front of me still must press until 6 times only I left,

but when the dog reached the gate,

I just pressed 4 times already ran away :(

After that,

I ran to bear cafe and wait Hung Kiat to come from his shop.

I ordered a cup of milk while waiting him,

when he reached,

we chat about what I did just now.

I told Hung Kiat

'Just now I pressed 6 times bell.'

Hung Kiat even frowned and asked me

'Why you got count how many times you pressed ones? And why must be 6 times?'

I said

'Because I very angry my father yesterday being loud to me, so I pressed double to make Pn Lye phone him! So the double of 3 means 6 times.'

Hung Kiat even laughed and said

'Hahaha! Zha dao! Still got like that ones.... even go and count how many times you want to press...'

I said

'Eh... but ask u one thing... if her dogs bark and I quickly ran away, she will think I scared of her dogs or not? Dont dare press until 6th times, when the dog rush over, pressed until 4th times then ran away edi...'

He said

'Wont la... how she knows you want to press how many times? Maybe she think you only want to press 4 times leh? Or maybe she think you want to pressed 3 times as usual but accidentally pressed one extra time... so only you pressed 4 times'

I laughed and said

'Hahaha! Also true! She dont know I want to press how many times.... because I dont want let her think I scared of her dogs only I ran away, if not next time if she think I scared of her dog, then she took dog overcome me...'

He asked

'Just now you pressed how many times then the dog rush over?'

I said

'I pressed the first time then one dog started to bark already, when I pressed 2nd time, all dogs barked and rushed over, when I pressed the 3rd time, all the dogs reached the gate already, I quickly move backward few step and pressed last time then quickly ran away already...'

Hk even laughed and said

'Hahaha! I can imagined from what you said... the 4th time is like very scared like that... pressed from far far right?'

I said

'Something like that lah... means pressed the last time only quickly ran away... but never press until 6 times....'

He said

'But even the dog barked, got one gate apart, they wont rush out ones mah... why you so scared?'

I said

'Dont know! I also think so as what you said.. before I went there, I think : Later if the dog barked also must press 6 times since they cant rush out ones... got gate apart... but when real situation came, I scared already.... because I dont dare let dog near me... I dont know why....'

Hk still laughed and said

'Hahaha! I can imagined the situation... like nge nge want to press like that... but still very scared, so pressed the last time only you run away... funny!'

I said

'Anah! I want let pn lye think I not afraid of her ones... so she no need think of want to beat me like add math day!'

Hk said

'I think your person the best way to deal with you is must talk to you softly that type...you are that type of person who chi luan fan.... if people rude to you, then you think of double overcome that person...'

I said

'People who think of double overcome another person means chi luan fan ones?'

He said

'Anah! The more your father beat you, the more you go! Like that time, after your father beat you, you said: Heng! Kan wo gei ta hao kan!....'

I laughed and said

'Hahaha! I got said like that?'

He said

'Got lah! I remembered.... you very angry after your father beat you, you think of overcome him and think of go pn lye there more to make him angrier....'

I said

'Then if Pn Lye beat me leh?'

He said

'Also the same lah! Beat more go more to gei ta hao kan!'

I said

'But after pn lye beat me, I got say gei ta hao kan?'

He said

'No... but from the way you behaved can see out the more you revenge after she beat you....'

I said

'For example?'

He said

'For example normally just put 3 stones, after she beat you, then after few days got one row.... hahaha! Gei ta hao kan!'

I laughed and said

'Hahaha! You never say this, I also never think of this....'

He said

'I just suddenly recalled what the police said and relate the thing you said after your father loud to you...'

I said

'Police? Which police? Police said me what? When? Why I never hear it?'

He said

'That night when your father brought you lodge police.... said in front of you also you dont know...'

I said

'I really never hear.... what I am doing when the police talked about me?'

He said

'That time very late already, talked until 4am.... you keep on non stop kicking and said you very tired, say want to go back sleep already... then the police and your father both dont care you, continue talk their things.... then your mum also dont care you kicked, funny! Your mum just behaved like normal like that, continue listen to the conversation and left you aside....'

I said

'The police never ask me dont kick?'

He said

'No... maybe you kick too long already... so he used to already, then just continue talk their things...'

I said

'Then my father never ask me keep quiet or dont kick?'

He said

'Got lah... he just said keep quiet 2-3 times only, then you continued kicked, he dont care you already... continued talk his things...'

I said

'Then what the police said me? '

He said

'The police said you orang muda is like that ones... the more people harsh to you, the more you rebel....'

I said

'Do you think I very weird or not? Why I like that ones? Normally people get scolded already then keep quiet already, but for me is fiercer....'

He said

'I think you is because your hyperactive character... everything like to opposed... In hospital got sign wrote do not enter then you entered, in zoo wrote do not climb then you climb up and took picture! Haha! Funny!'

I said

'Hyperactive character means more opposed?'

He said

'Can say like that lah, because in common sense, people will think hyperactive is more opposed and more aggressive that type ones... like once your father anger you, first sentence of your message already wrote go die lah....'

I said

'Like that very aggressive?'

He said

'Anah! Normally go die lah... this sentence is very very angry only people write ones... so you first sentence already write like that means can see out is very very hot temper already....'

I said

'I just write only mah... not say will really die... for me, go die is just an adjective of angriness... not really ask that person go die...'

When I said like that,

Hk even laughed and said

'Hahaha! Why dont you reply your father that way? Tell him that you write only, not really will die... funny!'

I said

'Back to the point, but old people not always say must scold only become obedient?'

He said

'Not necessarily, depends on people ones... some people is must use rude or force ones.. some people like you, must chi ruan fan ones... haha!'

I said

'Why you said I chi luan fan ones? For example....'

He said

'I can observed from your family interaction lo... like when we having dinner together, you everything dont want to eat, keep on play phone... your mum ask you to eat, you keep on dont want eat, then when your father pretend eat one spoon and said very delicious, ask you testing one spoon, you eat already... like that means people who chi luan fan... use bluff ones...'

I laughed and said

'Hahaha! A lot people also said I easily bluffed by others....'

He said

'Anah! The most funny is your mum si nao jing... keep on ask you eat white rice... you dont want to eat, keep saying you very full, then your father smarter, he straight put 5 cockles into that bowl of rice... then you straight hua one sound, straight finished that bowl of rice! Kena tipu edi ! Hahaha! When you eat finished, your father asked you: You not say you dont want eat rice?... then everyone laughed....'

I said

'What they laughed? What thing funny?'

He said

'Means you not really full, just dont want to eat the things you dont want... because when your father put 5 cockles inside the white rice and stirred... not until 1 minute, you finished the rice! Funny! Second point they laughed also laughed your father very clever and your mom stupid lah....'

I said

'Why?'

He said

'Because your father boast to your mom, he said: You see! I put like that she not until 1 minute already eaten whole bowl... you keep on ask her eat lah eat lah... ask her eat white rice... ask her eat lao ban tian, one spoon also she never eat....'

I said

'Like that what funny?'

He said

'Like your dad tease your mom dont know use brain like that lah... haha funny!'

I said

'Who laughed?'

He said

'Everyone lah... laughed die me... but the truth is your father very smart lah....'

I said

'But dont you think like that is bluffing?'

He said

'Got a bit lah... because you dont want to eat mah... if harsh to you and ask you to eat, I think you will eat, but after you eat dont know want to do what thing behind already hahaha! So just use bluffing method to you... bluff you a bit, then you eat already... funny! And when you dont want to eat, you always search excuse to your father like say yourself stomachache or full until want vomit...'

I laughed and said

'Hahaha! I got said I wei zhang fong? Funny!'

He said

'Got lah! Funny! You dont want to eat, your hand touch your stomach and said : Wo bao dao yao tu.... the most funny is your father said : Tu ni de tou! You never eat at all, got what thing let you tu??!! hahahaha! When I heard he said like that, I keep laughing in heart and dont dare laugh out....'

I said

'Anah! At korea also he said like that, because korea food not nice, at there all eat their korea cuisine, so I got few days never eat, but still very full... then my father keep on ask me eat, I said I full until want vomit... he said: Vomit your head! You never eat things, got what thing can let you vomit??'

He said

'Why you dont want to eat?'

I said

'Because everything is spicy.... korea foods is like that ones.. they eat very spicy ones... then my father keep saying my life at Australia sure like that ones... he said : I dont know how you survive at Australia??!!! You like that everyday dont want to eat can die! Everyday only high tea high tea.... everyday eat those things guo ri zi...'

He said

'But very weird leh.. everyday drink chatime and eat desserts to survive... wont hungry meh?'

I said

'Wont lah... dont know why after I drink one cup of chatime then full already, I can one day never eat things ones... the most funny is when we were at Korea, when my father saw Huay Ling they all eat keropok, he said: Ah Ling! Give Ah Ching eat a bit... Ah Ching specialized eat these kind of things to survive ones... without these things she nothing to eat already....'

When I said like that,

Hung Kiat even cant stop laughing and said

'hahahaha! When your father said like this, nobody laugh?'

I said

'Got lah! My sis, my mum and my brother all laughed.... because he said besides than snacks, I really nothing to eat already... but is true lah... he very serious when he said like this, then everyone laughed... Then after huay ling gave me the keropok, I finished the whole pack... then my father told my mum: You see! She eat till so fast, she very hungry already... she really never eat things...'

He said

'Funny! I know your pattern! Sure whole pack keropok pour into the mouth lo....'

I laughed and said

'Anah! Haha! Because I dont want dirty my hand mah... but my father thought I pour like this means very hungry....'

He said

'Then you at korea not one week never eat things?'

I said

'Got lah... morning we normally ate hotel buffet.... eat cornflakes and drank milk like that lo... just afternoon and night never eat... but I really full already, my father keep on ask me to eat, because dont know why when I drank coffee already I would became very full, cant swallow things at all, but my father keep saying coffee not full ones... dont know why I drink one cup of thing then can full one day ones... like I morning drink chatime, I can one whole day full and no need eat things ones... dont know why.... at korea, everything spicy, even their korea maggee cup also spicy, my father funny! He go and washed the maggee noodle with hot water and pour away the spicy water and let me eat... because I keep on say everything spicy and refused to eat everything, then he said dont want to eat and search excuse, then he said he washed the noodle and I eat let him see.'

Hung Kiat laughed and said

'Haha! Your father so smart... then you got eat?'

I said

'Got... eat half glass only I said still spicy then he washed some more and asked me to eat...'

Hung Kiat said

'Zha dao! Your father like scared you hungry till die like that....'

I said

'Anah! I told him I full already, he still thought I hungry ones dont know why... I told him I morning drank coffee full already, he said coffee not full and said the things I dont like to eat just said full...'

Hung Kiat said

'Some people is like that ones... because maybe the drinks you drank are high energy ones... very high kj.... like chatime, they put a lot of sugar, so you will feel very full because your body energy is already full....'

I said

'But I drink whatever things also can full until one day, besides than mineral water....'

He said

'Haha! Of course lah! Mineral water not full ones... because dont have sugar inside...'

I laughed and said

'The most funny is Datin brought me to high tea, I ate two kuih dodo, I said I full already, datin shocked! Hahaha!'

He said

'Of course lah so expensive hahaha! But not nice meh?'

I said

'Not nice... their three tiers not really sweet desserts, their desserts are cake... unlike the high tea desserts I ate at Australia is all sweet ones... dont have what kuih-muih ones....'

He said

'Very obvious you dont like what kuih-muih ones hahahaha!'

I said

'My father and mother keep on said I eat nothing at Australia, only chatime and desserts, became very thin like sick people came back from Australia like that hahaha!'

He said

'Anah! My father also said so, my father asked me : Clarissa sick is it? Then I said no... then he said: Har! No sick? Why she suddenly became so thin like sick cat like that... hahahaha!'

I said

'your father said me sick cat? Hahahaa!'

He said

'Anah!'

I said

'I not from last time until now also like that ones? After I came back from Australia, can say 10 persons see me also 10 persons said I became very thin.... I go ballet class, my friend's mum also said very obvious became thin already.... she asked me Australia dont have foods to eat is it? Hahaha!'

He said

'I think is because you never eat proper meal like noodles or rice all those....'

I said

'Anoh anoh! My father also said the same thing as you... he said nobody eat desserts guo ri zi ones... he said must eat things like chicken rice or a bowl of rice and a dish of thing.... he said like what we eat at home in Malaysia... he said the thing I eat only eat for fun ones, not proper food...'

Back to point, anyhow,

from what Hk told me yesterday,

I do think the article described me quite true!

LOL!

It wrote

Harsh yelling or punishment just stops the behavior at the moment, but does not develop the behaviors that you want, he says.

Hung Kiat said

'I think after Pn Lye beat you, the most just 3-4 days never come, stop awhile and dont dare come only... after you forgot already, then continue come already....'

I said

'Haha! Last time I straight told lye chuin li, your mom just beat me only or she just said now go back only, she never asked me dont come also... Funny!'

Hung Kiat laughed and said

'Then what lcl said?'

I said

'She said even not face to face, but I got told you before in msn not to come...'

He said

'Then what u said?'

I said

'Hahaha! Then I said, that one is you said, but your mom never say before....'

He laughed and said

'Zha dao! Hahaha! Then what she said?'

I said

'Then she never say anything and switch topic already... but really mah... from last time until now, her mom where got say nicely: Ah... next time dont come ah... or next time dont come know?'

He said

'Anah! So only you got excuse to say her that way haha!'

I said

'What excuse? She clearly never ask me dont come hor!'

He said

'But how if one day she say nicely and ask you dont come?'

I even laughed and said

'Haha! I knew her personality very much, I know it wont happen so I dont even worry at all.'

He said

'Also true... just like last time, you said you no need go and think of the apologies of add math incident, you said because you know she wont, so that you no need to worry the confrontation... but one day, she really said she would, how you going to do?'

I said

'Aiya... I knew she said only, she dont dare ones lah... how she going to open mouth and talk about that and face me and look at me and apologies?'

He said

'Also true... haha! In this aspect, you are quite smart...'

I said

'Initially, I shocked when you told me she said she will, I very nervous and dont know how to confront the apologies, but after that, when I cool down and think, I think she dont dare ones... then never think that any more...'

He asked me

'Why you keep on escape and dont want accept the fact?'

I said

'I not dont want accept the fact, and I never escape, I just think no matter what is done to me, I still wont forget the past ones... so I knew its useless, so no need let her suffer, you also know Pn Lye's person... mian zhi is her biggest property... since I cannot forget the past, I also dont want wei nan ta... plus I think her apologies got motive ones... I think if she really apologies already, in one day, sure she will says: You see! I apologies already she still come... you got think until this or not?'

He shook his head and said

'No....'

I said

'Ah... no... then simply asked people apologies for what? You dont know like this will harm me at the end? How if her apologies is a sort of threaten to me in future?'

He said

'I just think until after she apologies, then you can put down and never go her there any more...'

I said

'You want me tell you how many times??!! I wont forget, wont forget, wont forget ones!!!! Because it already happened.'

He said

'Because you dont know the feeling after she apologies to you, is a different feeling, your heart is opened and your thinking will change. Because now you still in knot.'

I said

'Knot your head, you want me knock your head and clear your mind or not?'

He said

'Everybody also told me the same thing that apologies is the only way to make you put down...'

I said

'your everybody is who?'

He said

'Everybody lah... Lean Jee, your parents, my father, Emily, my sister, Datin and I myself also think like that...'

I said

'because those people dont know me, I am the only one who knows myself.... I say no need means no need, I say I wont forget means I wont forget.'

He said

'Because you havent experience before, so you dont know the feeling after you put down the past.'

I said

'So now you relate between the relationship between apologies and put down the past.... you tell me lah! I want to hear how reasonable is that!'

He said

'Ok... means after she tell you blah blah blah sorry, last time because I suddenly get impulsive only beat u until like that, but I not really hate you... depends what she said lah... then when she talk about you about her thoughts, like last time pn lam like that, you can totally never think of her any more...'

I said

'The fact is pn lam and pn lye is different... Pn Lam got beat me until like that before meh? Pn Lam just beat me a few times until June, she just taught me 6 months like that then never teach already... but Pn Lye is 6 years leh... how you going to compared between this two persons?'

He said

'I think time is not a thing which affect relationship... the most important is how a person's persuasion ability... for example, if Pn lam last time never persuade you, I think until now sure you still hate her ones... so my meaning is anyhow sure must solve ones... if pn lam never solve, you think you will forget her or not?'

I said

'Anyway, you dont assume everyone is the same, Pn lye is pn lye, pn lam is pn lam, pn lam never apologies also... she never say sorry, she just said I no need scared of her, she wont beat me any more... that's it... and she talked to me awhile only...'

He said

'You see... a few minutes of talking can solve one forever problem, maybe pn lye also talk to you about 5 minutes then you can forget about her past forever, why dont you try to accept?'

I straight said

'Impossible!'

when I said like that,

Hung Kiat can't stop laughing! LOL!