I promised myself, on the first day of this oncoming Winter,

I gonna be really really diligent for my last undergraduate life; not to bother the extra relationship troubles (whether they are my ex or current pursuers) or either the very complicated future orientation.

Just wanna be a 22 years old who are super free-and-easy, no momentary worries but with abundance of happy memories.

Have been going through the up-and-downs and living in a hectic life recently,

attended classes in the early morning (sometimes cant get up at all due to overly exhausted), insufficient of cashes to pay the living debts (just got SMS reminder today to pay $2000 for my rental before I received the termination letter), heaps of assignments which seems like impossible to complete within the given date (not because I didnt do it, it's because the crazy wordings amount and disgusting reading) and busy for settling my postgraduate stuffs (writing appeal letter, paying application fees, submission of result, finding future accommodation, dealing with education agent, estimating living costs and even survey about the career licensing stuff).

I think I really need a short break, I mean not in term of mini-getaway, but just resting on my bed. LOL!

The occurrence of night terrors signified that I needed more rest in order to proceed the longer journey,

has been dreamed of two ladies in these few days - one is my enemy and another one is my own mum (usually wont dream of her).

Sub-conscious telling me that I have to really deal with the facts rather than hiding in my deep down forever,

I think it gonna must be something to do with my trust to her, I even dreamed that when I talked in the phone and suddenly she passed by me (I thought she wanna attack me just because she hold something), which resulted in a undoubted defense. LOL!

Then she said

"Haiz! Dont trust me again! People wanna sweep floor, you everyday...."

(Although the dream content sounds so ridiculous but I even woke up in a terrified manner and my eyes starred at the ceiling horribly)

And,

I always have odd dreams that I dreamed of my house in the dream was my old house in the real life, and her house in my dream was a particular house at my old house's region - the third house from the corner lot down the hill, and this dream had occurred repetitively with the almost similar contents.

One of my bestie hold my shoulder, walked behind me and lead me to her house just for disturbing fun.
I rode bicycle to her place and promised my younger brother that I'm going her house but come back quickly in order to fetch him to somewhere else, but before I reach her place, I was terrified and woke up like a nightmare instead of an 'excursion'.
she is living next to my dream house, I became a flies and flied into her house and disturbed her house things, and then flew out quickly, but she knew that I came and disturbed due to someone told her, so she got angry, she took cane and rushed towards me on road and screaming loudly in the crowd (one of the teacher's son got married and throwing wedding party at the neighborhood), and then Judy asked me what happened, why I ran so fast, she calmed me down, I said "Pn Lye... Pn Lye... Pn Lye wanna beat me!", and then I decided not to afraid of her, I ran toward her and grabbed her cane and threw miles away! LOL!

Regarding I dreamed of mother's dream,

it's super duper weird and awkward,

I even dreamed of one of my relatives was my mother in the dream (my father's second sister),

although she has no money but able to show me unconditional love, LOL!

I dreamed that our house don't have extra cars for me to drive (due to the poor financial circumstance),

and I flatly wanna go Pn Lye house,

I going through extreme despair and tantrum for unable to go Pn Lye's house,

then she even felt so bad for herself for doesn't has the ability to provides a car in the family (she keep quiet),

then I take things too hard and attempted to commit suicide, thinking that I don't wanna survive in this world any more.

I took a lift and went up to the peak of building and attempted suicide,

but before I die, I wanna try different kinds of foods at the building,

and when I opened up my purse, I suddenly realized that although our family are poor, but somehow I still have a lot of cash, just don't have a car.

During ordering,

I pointing at a lot of foods and said

"I want this one, this one, this one... and that one...."

At that moment,

I really feel that actually our family still consider capable but just not rich as real-life.

And at the time, I'm paying money,

my mother in the dream even phoned me and said

'Huay Ching, I already bought a new car, you can go teacher's house already....'

(she even used the saving in her bank and bought a car for me, LOL)

That makes me feel so touching and cried in the dream till I woke up.

The second dream that I dreamed of my mom is I was a kid and I cried in the dream,

the dream back to the olden days like how my mum treated me,

she even ignored me when I was crying, didn't cool me down from crying, but instead walk away.

I can't remembered what she did to me in dream (but I can tell it's about money matter),

and I was a baby in the dream (about 2-3 years old), I even sat the walker and bang the wall by myself.

And the weirdest thing is she also cried in the dream due to unable to control her emotions.

LOL! I don't know why I dreamed that and it's a weird dream though.

Somehow,

I always dreamed that I'm having financial dispute with my mom in dream,

don't know why, even I didn't think about her during the days.

Perhaps, daily lives memories have invaded my sub-conscious,

sometimes I really disagree her irrationality towards the view of finance,

sometimes, during the process of falling asleep in the midnight,

those disputes will unconsciously flow into my mind even I didn't try to think about her,

I will automatically recalled the scenes daddy buying a watch for me,

without looking at the quality of a stuff, she will look at the price tag and spontaneously find the cheapest one for me,

and also think about the time she chose the cheapest air fare ticket regardless of its quality (Air asia economy and dont care my suffering although I've told her the very terrible experience and explained to her I'm an insomnia person, I told her that not say I didnt try before and straight say cannot, it's I tried it already and told her the experience).

Sometimes, I will feel sad for these sort of things; thinking that I'm an unimportant one in my eyes of my parents and even develop a stereotyped feeling within myself that "People is harming me".

But fortunately, one of the time daddy had inspired me about something,

thing happened at KL, the time when we were choosing our own dinner gowns at Bangsar,

I saw an irresistible gown which I really love it, but non of other gowns in the boutique,

eldest sis and mom keep on asked me not to buy and claimed that it wasn't nice (but I personally know it's based on price factor),

when they were testing their own gowns in the fitting room,

daddy told me

"This one nice, just pick this.'

Then I looked teary, I said

'I feel that every time people wanna harm me, they dont want me to get that particular thing so just tell me not nice, especially Er Jie, she always like that ones, the things that are nice, she always said not nice, and the things that are not nice, she said are nice.'

Daddy told me

"If you dont want people to harm you then you just make your own decision, if you insist to choose the things you like then they can't harm you already... Because everyone got own taste."

Then I said

"But just now, they clearly said it's nice, then said very expensive, then said not nice at the end."

LOL! Daddy laughed Ha one sound and said

'Ahhhh, then if you really listen to them and really put back, you not own self harm own self? So, if you dont want people to harm you, you just make your own decision, understand?'

After that inspiring conversation,

I began to learned independence and know the brilliant knack to protect myself,

having the motto that

"If I make my own decision, no ones can harm me"

even in Australia,

I usually bought the things that I like without the opinions of others,

this make me more creative, less indecisive, independent and even more care-free :)

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The widening gulf between the rich and everyone else is a growing source of tension in America.

A new survey from the Pew Research Center finds the income gap is now seen as a bigger source of conflict in the U.S. than race, age or national origin. That's why some believe the issue could matter in the presidential campaign, and others worry it could warp the national debate.

Two out of three Americans now perceive strong social conflicts over the income gap — up sharply from two years ago. Paul Taylor of the Pew Research Center has an idea what's behind the increase.

"The Occupy Wall Street movement kind of crystallized the issue: 1 versus 99. [It's] arguably the most successful slogan since 'Hell no, we won't go,' going back to the Vietnam era," he says. "[It] certainly triggered a lot of coverage about economic inequality."

Over the last three decades, the wealthiest 1 percent of Americans more than doubled their share of national income, while the bottom 80 percent saw their share shrink. Taylor says majorities of Democrats, independents and even Republicans now see the income gap as a cause of friction.

Pew Center Report

'Rising Share Of Americans See Conflict Between Rich And Poor'

"There's no question that there is rising inequality in this country, and I think those perceptions are part of the national agenda in a way that they weren't," he says. "And certainly they are in times like this, where we've had this very, very difficult economy and a lot of people are struggling."

The 'Politics Of Envy'

The rise of the issue has not been welcomed by Mitt Romney, the front-running Republican presidential candidate. Romney, who made millions as a private equity investor, has accused President Obama and others of engaging in what he calls "the bitter politics of envy."

"I think it's fine to talk about those things in quiet rooms and discussions about tax policy and the like, but the president has made this part of his campaign rally," Romney says. "We hear him talking about millionaires and billionaires and executives and Wall Street. It's a very envy-oriented, attack-oriented approach. And I think it will fail."

Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney addresses a primary night victory rally in New Hampshire on Tuesday. Romney has accused President Obama of engaging in the "politics of envy" by focusing on income inequality.

Emmanuel Dunand/AFP/Getty Images

Romney was challenged by Today Show host Matt Lauer, who asked if envy is the only reason someone might question the increasingly skewed distribution of wealth. Lauer asked if it was instead about fairness.

"I think it's about envy. I think it's about class warfare," Romney responded. "I think when you have a president encouraging the idea of dividing America based on the idea of 99 percent versus 1 percent, and those people who've been most successful will be in the 1 percent, you've opened up a whole new wave of approach in this country which is entirely inconsistent with the concept of 'one nation under God.'"

Nothing Wrong With Being Rich

Even as the Pew survey found more conflict over the income gap, it did not find evidence that Americans are growing more resentful of the rich. A separate Gallup poll found Americans far more concerned with growing the economic pie rather than changing the way it's divided.

Conservatives have long argued that growth trumps inequality, and a rising tide lifts all boats, even if some are yachts and others dinghies. But Obama's top economist, Alan Krueger, gave a speech this week arguing that severe inequality can actually threaten growth, as well as hobble the "opportunity society" that Romney says he wants to promote.

"There's a cost to the economy and society if children from low-income families do not have anything close to the opportunities to develop and use their talents as the more fortunate kin from better-off families, who can attend better schools and draw on a network of family connections," he said.

Krueger argues the economy as a whole would be in better shape if income and buying power were not so concentrated among the very rich. Obama made the same case in December in Osawatomie, Kan.

"When middle-class families can no longer afford to buy the goods and services that businesses are selling, when people are slipping out of the middle class, it drags down the entire economy — from top to bottom," he said.

Krueger notes that since World War II, income growth has tended to be strongest when it's most widespread — when rich, poor and middle-class Americans are growing together, instead of growing apart.

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Just bumped up this brilliant article during my spare time,

"The Economic Reason for Having Just One Child",

it's assume that we need at least $234,900 within 18 years to raise a child,

it means we need $13,050 per annually for each child and at least $1,087.60 per month for that particular child.

Let's look at 'monism' below that why we should have a solo child....

Another most important reason, 'one child' concept hurt you lesser than multi-children....

One recent night, my daughter Dahlia and I popped out for pizza, and while we were chatting over our slices, CBS Evening News came on the television suspended over the counter. We sat transfixed by a segment on a massive number of homeless families that have settled in a makeshift community in theCalifornia desert. Dahlia chewed thoughtfully as she watched a father tell the reporter about how he had worn a tie to work until six months ago, when he lost everything and had no choice but to move there with his three kids. Then she shifted her eyes to me and asked, “Mama, that won’t be us because there’s only one of me instead of three?”

She’s on to something. According to the USDA, a child born in 2011 will cost an average of $234,900 to raise to age 18. If your household income is over $100,000, you can raise that number to about $390,000. Yes, there are some savings after the first child — you don’t have to buy another high chair! — but it’s not as though you get a huge volume discount on subsequent offspring. There are also opportunity costs of a mother’s loss of income from parental leave, scaling back hours or dropping out of the workforce entirely. No wonder, according to the USDA, two-parent households with two children devote over one-third of their income to their kids. Add it all up and there’s a strong economic case for stopping at one child.

And yet the world will tell you — from grandmothers to sitcoms to strangers in the supermarket — that money shouldn’t be a factor in deciding to have more children. If you express concern about how much children cost, then you’ve clearly got your priorities wrong. You’ll make it work, they tell you. Don’t be selfish. (I wrote about this and other stereotypes of parents with singletons in a cover story for TIME.)

There’s a popular theory of economics that contends that there’s really no difference between deciding to raise a child and making any other investment. Kids, like anything else, the thinking goes, are a form of capital that yield a future flow of valuable services. Which, if you have land to farm, makes perfect sense; less so, I’d say, in the modern world. If that’s how people make the choice to become parents and to have additional children, I’ve yet to meet any. However you might identify the impulse to bring a child into your family, to love and tend a new and growing life, it’s probably not a cost-benefit analysis.

But why do we need to present a rationale for the decision to devote our resources — whether they are financial or that ultimately luxury, time — to something other than children? What’s wrong with devoting your energy to one wonderful kid while sparing some to travel, maintain friendships, read a novel and be a more engaged citizen, not to mention not stretching yourself until you snap just to get your damn work done each week? Considering the greater flexibility that stopping at one kid allows, it’s no surprise that in a University of Pennsylvania study of 35,000 mothers, those raising only children were the happiest, with each additional child reducing a mother’s well-being.

(MORE: The New Science of Siblings)

Last week, our stove started to fail, and the three of us went to an appliance store to find a replacement. The salesman told me about people who come in week after week, armed with issues of Consumer Reports and cost comparisons. It occurred to me then, as it has many times before, that people agonize and weigh their options about such domestic choices much more than they do about the decision to have a second or third child.

If it’s what their hearts are telling them to do, I understand. But if it’s that culture aggressively recommends having more than one child, that’s another issue. If the stigma of raising an only child were to dissipate — and if parents didn’t feel shamed for wanting to use their precious resources elsewhere — perhaps people would make different choices. Perhaps they’d learn, like I have, that we don’t need to stretch ourselves more than we have to.

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When I start to search my future accommodation in Melbourne for my Master's degree,

most house-mates stated that

'only matured adults can apply this - 25 years old and above'

This made me pondered that is 22 years old too young?

But why I feel that i'm not young at all as a twenty-two years old,

perhaps, I guessed the reason is because someone's who have not grown up usually think themselves as old enough.
This made me doubting that am I still consider immature in the eye of society?

This year,

my chronological age is twenty-two years old.

A few months ago, I experienced a radical transformation of myself,

not physically, but mentally.

I perceived childishness easily and started observing people's behaviour according to their age in social media,

such as the 'status' content that they posted, or the way the commented, I seriously started to observed human's brain in this sense.

And I realized that why people who are 17 years old,

they are completely immature,

people who are 22 years old like me,

most of them are immature too, such as posting raging status about how stupid they are or how their friends treated them or something which is not ironical funny but they thought it's funny.

People who are 23 years old,

they don't have orientation in life, such as don't know what they are doing; why they chose what they studied and what they should do after graduate.

People who are 25 years old,

they scolded their boss in facebook status, it just like a kid who throwing tantrum at home because they never get the things they want,

I just feel that people who showing rage in facebook are really childish,

but I dont know why I perceived that action as childish, no ones defines what is childish to me, but I just feel the action is completely immature,

and this made me have a certain degree of self-reflection for my past,

I keep on thinking that I have a lot of childish actions, such as blocking my ex-boyfriend and high school peers in facebook.

Out of sudden,

I just feel that blocking someone in facebook is just like an immature kid get angry over their peers,

the childishness is indescribable but damn embarrassed about myself,

I sense that blocking a particular person has no reason, no benefits and just show abundant of childishness.

Thus,

I unblocked everyone in the blocking list.

Because I think that as a matured person,

why should I block someone just because I get angry?

It's really super childish...

I really don't understand the reasons why I easily perceived childishness,

I also think of mommy is childish at 50 years old,

such as when people don't agree what she wanted to eat,

and she insisted what she wanted to eat instead of compromise everyone.

Then my mind had a flashback that she said
'Aiya you all dont want to eat, I own self go and eat"

then she moved towards the steamboat store.

And also, think of the time when projected the blame to others,

then I will find this super childish.

I just couldn't understand are those considered childish or I am the only one who perceived those as childish?

I also think that blaming others or get angry considered childish....

And even assuming that searching a fight with someone considered childish...

Then suddenly think of Pn Lye's son very childish and start counting his age...

I guessed he's almost 30 (but don't know his actual age, I reckon he is almost 30 based on last time kaima told me, he's now 28 or 29).

I just suddenly feel that the way he behaved is quite childish,

such as finger pointing and the way he shouted.

Thus,

I checked google

'what is the average age human's brain fully mature',

it stated that human brains start develop towards maturity at the age of 15,

and will be fully matured at the age of at least 25 years old to 30 the latest.

Thereby,

human only able to make adult-decision at 30 years old,

such as the maturity to have family planning, financial planning, relationship wisdom and all the adult life accountability.

It is scientifically proven that someone who is 18 take riskier behaviour than a 25 years old,

it is due to the underdevelopment of the prefrontal cortex.

Empirically,

the average human's brains begin the maturity at the age of 13 and complete at 25-30 biologically,

its initial development begins near back of cortex and tend to end at the frontal areas which call prefrontal cortex (prefrontal cortex is a brain part which control our impulse and decision-making process).

By all means,

it is to say that if you have impulse control problem at 18 years old,

you'll feel better to control yourself after the age of at least 25 years old.

"Although you may consider yourself an adult at age 18, keep in mind that your brain still has a ways to develop. Your cognition, ability to assess risk, and think logically will continue to improve as you age. This is considerably different than neuroscience views of the past in which we thought the brain was done developing in the teenage years"

Besides than that,

I search the complex definition of 'childish' in google,

in what sense does someone considers childish?

If not I can't really know what had actually happened to myself that why I keep on perceive childishness easily.

Indeed,

the accurate definition of immaturity is actually what I thought,

like what I listed above

Blocking someone in facebook
get angry, showing rage, remain in silence when get angry
retaliate
blame someone's fault due to stinginess
throwing temper due to the failure of instant gratification
or being aggressive
negative thought
inconsistent decisions
attract attentions
mix large peer circle instead of have a few real friends (this is common in teenage years due to the needs of peer acceptance)

But still,

this issue really troubling me...

I'm thinking others and myself are childish too,

thus, I checked Google "how childish I am",

it consists of 20 questions with the inclusion of age and gender.

It came out that I'm 86% mature,

it means that I'm not childish, but I still feel that in some way I have a child-like angel in my heart.