Fears

Anything which is 'mentionable' might be the nightly concurrent fears,

despite it sometimes could be a joke, but the hidden joke may be the cause of trauma.

The definition of trauma is literally a joke in the morning but a fear at night;

a horrible incident in the dream but an unimaginable fact during the day.

I received a punishment from God, and living in a lifelong dark shadow. 

I remember the precise aching moment,

where the unexpected incident came in an unexpected time, 

a non-imaginary subject was hitting me like a hitting maniac.

She's not really a mental maniac, but the level of hatred in her deep down made her rationality behaved like a maniac.

At that moment,

I was entirely in the maximum state of forlornness, powerless and hurtfulness. 

I attempted to stopped her, but my inability failed me to do that.

It was only high school after all,

definitely one of the most unforgettable periods in a girl's life.

How anyone can come through that time well adjusted on any level is an absolute miracle.

A twenty-five years old girl innocently shook her head and told me that she doesn't knows what is the definition of hate because she didn't experience before.

That's even hurts me more;

it giving me a strong sense of world is so so so unfair instead of so-so unfair.

Her face, depicts an incorrigible yet laughable expression to me during the interrogating. 

PTSD is whole body physically infected rather than just on top of your mind,

it affect your sleeps, your eats and even drag your bathing time on bed in thinking nonsense.

The grey shadow is extraordinary painful, 

he massive repercussions will eventually drives you suicide.

It was an incident rather than an accident,

it wasn't that kind of hurt which get well after a week of hospitalizing;

it's a lifelong pain that you couldn't even lie well on your bed every night and even couldn't think well when your mind are always in the rational state.

The gifts are heal, apologies are stabilizers and promises are the emotional security.

In order to stop receiving the inner pain, I could never eat in a whole day to distract the inner pain and to feel the hungriness, included today.

My stomach and intestine are unbearable but I feel so much better when my heart stop aching.

 I really feel like part of me is missing...

I don't know where to pick me back into a well rounded person.

Unspeakable torment led me to somewhere else where I can't find a real me any more...