It's fake

Bear in mind,

it's fake it's fake it's fake!

She is actually beat around the bush all the way!

She pretended good to me apparently but tore my heart behind me.

She's liar, she's hypocrite, she's such a faker,

she's obsessed with lies, she's so meant to hurt me.

Well,

after a couple times of disappointment,

I really can't trust her any more,

enemy means enemy, I realized that.

From the way she treated me,

she's still my enemy, she's unchanged, she's still harmful,

she's still aggressive, she's still violent, she's still love to cause harm in all dimensions.

I really can't figure out whether it's our relationship problem or her lifelong personality factor,

seems like leopard can't change its spots,

when she has a nature of curly hair with boyish character and a persistent harmful thoughts, it's uneasy to change to another character, 

trust me! Coz i'm the one who hard to change myself too,

I just can't put down something easily,

I am still holding the unchanged grudges,

I still feel that she hates me,

I still perceiving the animosity,

I'm still quite depressed in my deep down,

I am still somehow afraid of her unreasonably,

I am still couldn't be able to conquer that ultimate fear,

I still can't get rid the inner shadow...

I really need some 'about her' conversations to keep my day up.

I guess the penultimate reason that I couldn't put down the grudges is because I didn't feel the sincerity, I just feel that hurts and backstabbing keep coming towards me.

Lord, I really need you to shower me with a significant degree of trust and fearlessness.