Old trouble

Holy crap!

Old trouble reactivated again...

a series of symptoms enlace me again after three days of recovered.

Breathlessness, cold feet and fingers as well as rapid heartbeat.

Nonetheless,

I really don't know what's the real cause or what happened to me,

as I knew, there are 980 causes for rapid heartbeat.

These three suffering really made me physically collapsed from stress.

The most I afraid is the difficulty of inhale air into my lung,

I'm not really afraid of getting cold toes or hands though as that weren't strongly affecting me.

I'm afraid of seek doctor due to the fearful medical instruments,

I rather continue its pain than checking in a hospital,

I prefer to let fate decide my lifespan rather than seeking treatment.

I prefer to have kaima's life, enjoyed thoroughly,

when the time's up, I bid-bye the world with full of contentment,

I don't want to suffer in any treatment to lengthen my life.

I just want to do whatever I want to do now, eat whatever I want to eat now and travel wherever I wish to go and work whatever I'm able to do it.

That's my mission of life.

Yet,

I really exhausted in bothering the old troubles,

just let the fate decide its reactivation. 

If i'm able to breath, I just breath it,

if I feel hard to breath it, just try my best to breath it,

if I've stop breathing it, just go to the designed place afterward.

Life could be easy and it could be hard, it's vice-versa.

I don't wish I will be hating her one lifetime until the time I pass away,

but I perceived that I couldn't do it,

I knew I will hate her due to the fix variable.

Now, we are enemy again,

she chose to be my enemy once again,

she chose to harmed me and betrayed me.

Whereas,

 I don't have any option to become her friend if she wanted to becomes my enemy.

I eager I'm quick to leave this world,

I wish the palpitation could stop eventually when I am trying hard to breath,

I really don't want to live any more, life is hard;

it's both physically and emotionally tortured.

If, the mission of my life is to hate someone throughout my life,

I rather quickly say bye to the world.

I'm so tired, suffered and unhappy.