Holidays

During this ongoing hols, 

most of my friends had flown back to Hong Kong and China due to the one month holiday.

Left me alone who surviving here :D

Certainly,

there are still have two Malaysians here who never go back during this hols,

they are Chloe and Kevin.

But anyway, there are not staying with me.

Besides than bedtime blogging,

Hence, I will be staying alone for this one month holiday!

Since my Instagram activated,

I am seriously active playing Instagram than FACEBOOK.

LOL !

After Instagram has established only I aware Emily had started SS !

 Yet, she had always 'Zi Pai' in Instagram! 

Funny!

While me,

seems like I began to report every single detail of pieces of my life into Instagram !

Few days ago, just hang out with Chloe to had ladies talk at Sweety dessert bar:)

she asked me

'So the noisiest Cornelia went back Hong Kong edi?'

I said

'Ya, all of them also went back d.'

She said

'Har! Then you not staying alone at home for one month?'

I said

'Yes. Why?'

She said

'You wont scared meh?'

I said

'Scared what?'

She said

'Dont know, some people will scared ones... one person overnight.'

I said

'Dont know, I wont scared ones... I already used to alone.'

She said

'Wahhh... geng leh you... I also will scared leh... One person overnight oh?? You never switch on the light when you sleeping?'

I said

'No... all lights off.'

She said

'Then before you sleep, you switch on all lights?'

I said

'No la... I wont scared ones... I mostly stay in my room only, so my bedroom light on only. The rest all off.'

She said

'Walao! Geng leh you... living room light also never on? You one girl overnight wont scared meh?'

I said

'No.... because I already used to, dont say my apartment here I staying alone, when I was still in Malaysia, sometimes when my parents went out at night, my younger brother tuition, my elder brother and Huay Li go out at night, left me alone at home, I also sleep like that ones...'

She said

'Your house? Walao! Your house so so so big you dare to sleep alone without anybody at home?'

I said

'Dare lah... some more whole house light off I also dare ones...'

She said

'You dont scared got ghost?'

I said

'I dont scared ones... I will think if I really see it then just act like normal and walk away. Because I think everything also the same ones, the more you scared, the more they come after you.'

She said

'Anah! Also true, but very scary leh... for me, I dont scared of ghost, but still scared staying alone at home, dont know is very dark or what... just scared overnight alone at home.'

I said

'Haha! Dont know maybe I already used to, and I still prefer staying alone some more. I like quiet ones...'

She even laughed and said

'Hahaha! Ni Ok mah??? Bu Yao Bian Zi Bi lehhh....'

I laughed and said

'Haha! I ok ones.... I since form 1 like that then always alone at home already... because last time my younger brother go after school care centre, then Huay Li last time always got scout activities and tuition, then my eldest sis also always got tuition... then always left me alone at home, so I already used to, even at night, I alone at home play computer, two of my houses all no light also I dare ones... or sometimes whole house no light, everyone went out also I dare to sleep alone.'

She said

'Then you always alone at home wont very boring?'

I said

'Wont ah... I dont know why I prefer alone at home than got people at home, dont know why got people around me, I will feel uncomfortable. I dont know why I just disliked walking sounds or talking sounds.'

She said

'Then normally what will you do at home when nobody at home?'

I said

'Facebook and blogging lo... still got what? Haha!'

She said

'Eiii... you got blogging ones ah?'

I said

'Got, but mine is private blog. You?'

She said

'Oh... I dont have blog, I just read others only.'

 I said

'Haha! I got blog, and I am always silent reader, I read others blog but I wont tell out.'

She said

'Anah! Everyone also like that ones...'

I said

'Anah! Dont know why I feel like blog is the deep down stories of others, so if say out in front of that person, that person will feel shy. So I usually pretend dont know but I got read others blog. Haha!'

She said

'Anah! Better dont say out... silent reader enough...'

I said

'But my sister Huay Ling always very wilful ones... last time I told her my younger brother Ah Zern got lover edi... then she asked me how I know, then I said got one time I saw in his blog, then she asked me to showed her, then I showed her, then she keep laughing, then I asked her dont say out, who knows after my brother came back home, she go and say out in front of my brother make him paiseh... then after that, my brother never use that blog anymore. That is why I dont like this feeling, I like to be silent reader, read only, but dont let other people know, if not people will paiseh.'

She said

'Your younger brother how old?'

I said

'Now form 4 edi... but last time when I read his blog is when he was form 1.'

He said

'Then how his blog? Hahaha!'

I said

'His blog written in Mandarin ones... Very sad type ones... all sad songs... then all write about how he loves a girl lo... the stories very very miserable, he wrote : This is the second year I fall in love on you... and he wrote : I dont know why you would came here, but I came here because of you. Very very touching blog. And his blog title is the raining boy.'

He said

'Hahaha! Cant see out your brother so sentimental type ones... when I saw his picture, just felt like he is nerd type ones...'

I said

'Me leh? What type I am?'

She said

'Hahaha! You ah? Hyperactive type lo... I guess your blog sure all very rock song ones...'

I laughed and said

'Haha! Wrong. Actually my blog also almost similar with my brother ones... all sad song ones... also miserable stories.'

She said

'Walao! Cant see out you also so sentimental leh.... hahaha! Because your facebook pictures look like you very enjoy ones... so I thought your blog stories all also enjoy enjoy ones....'

I said

'Hahaha! Private blog, dont let you know.'

Back to the point, yesterday noon,

went Coles supermarket to buy some weekly foods :)

Initially, I wanted to get into Woolworth but not Coles,

but before I entered the supermerket,

I saw there were two ambulances stopped opposite me!

Hence, no choice, since Coles is just opposite, then I just get into Coles.

The ambulances made me directly recalled pl,

she thought I dont know what she is thinking, 

she is actually thinking to harm me,

truthfully, on that night after she beaten me with thick cane.

I already predicted she will harms me or kills me in one day because daddy knew the incident.

On that night,

I already began to afraid she will revenge me because I saw she keep fiercely looking at me when daddy ask me where she beats me,

her eyes told me not to tell and I did not tell,

but daddy knew it by his own self.

And also, because of this,

I keep afraid from that night until I reached Australia on the second day,

I keep crying and couldn't sleep at night even I took the pill.

I keep thinking she will harm me in one day because daddy had lodged police report.

On the second day when I reached Australia, my heart felt even worst,

my anxieties reactivated, I continued to trembled with fear,

after the fear had reached the maximum limit,

I felt that I really dont wanna constraint that sort of feeling anymore,

 I straight SMS daddy and told him that Pn Lye wants to harm me and kill me and I very scared.

Daddy replied me as below,

he told me that he will protects me and she cant harm me at all because I am in Australia,

but this is an aspect that daddy wouldn't understand forever,

he thinking that distance is protection,

he thought that Pn Lye is in Malaysia and I am in Australia,

so Pn Lye cant have any physical contact with me so she wont harm me.

But, that's wrong.

There is many ways to harm someone especially for people like her who are extremely wilful. 

A simply one way from her - although she cant touch me but I knew she will call ambulance come and catch me.

Pl is a person who I understand her better than anyone else (Besides than her husband).

Definitely,

daddy think her as an easy person, but I don't.

I perceived her as a complex, hostile and malicious person.

I believed her hostile and ill heartedness will harm me in one day, 

and yesterday, my earlier prediction had arrived.

Two ambulances stopped in front of me and I already knew it was the masterpiece from her.

But this time,

I have to pretend like I never afraid, I cant confront her about this,

because if I ask her about this, she will knows I afraid of ambulance and call it next time.

Yesterday, after I bought my foods from supermarket,

I went out the supermarket from the back exit and 'rounded' a big circle back to home in order to refused to walk front entrance because the ambulance wait me at front entrace!

But after all, 

all are worthwhile although it's kinda troublesome and tired to walk such a big circle back to home.

Somehow, my insecurities recurred recently,

I felt like she is anytime to call ambulance to harm me.

Sometimes I would recalled lcl told me,

'You are now in Australia, nobody can protect you. Ambulance can catch you anytime into mental hospital.'

Therefore,

once a few times, when daddy or mummy phoned me,

I will told them not to abandon me but I never tell them why.

I just told them I very scared of Pl, because she keep thinking to harm me.

But I didn't tell them till ambulance so far.

I dont really know the choice I made is correct or wrong,

I asked mummy many times in phone

'The police will dont care me and never settle the case or not? I hope they can settle quickly, I very scared that Pl wants to harm me.'

Mummy answered

'Got la... they got settled. After all, er ren you er bao... we just wait, sure got one day ones.'

or else,

I will asked her

'You got bluffed me 1 or not?? The police never settle but you bluff me they are settling?'

She said

'Really got ... that day, the police not ask you where she beat you ah? Still bring you to the place...'

I said

'Haiya... you know lo... those Malays when election coming then act movie only....'

She said

'what act movie? Really got settle ones... that is their duties, they must done it ones...'

I said

'But hk told me last time his shop kena splashed red cat, report police edi also nothing ones...'

She said

'Spray red cat still never injured people mah... this one beat until like that, injured people leh... Sure got keep track ones la...'

Being unreasonably, insecure always within me.

I always thinking that people are bluffing me or trying to harm me.

Even mummy always told me like that,

but my deep down still thinking

'Sure bluff ones... sure never settle and bluff me got settle....'

Or else, I will simply think and asked hk

'Do you think that Pl got sorry to my father in phone edi, so my father let go her edi, and nothing edi ?'

Hung Kiat said

'Wont la... trust me... pl person so ai mian zi... so she wont sorry to your father ones... you dont think so much la... they got follow case ones la...'

I will began to suspected hk,

I said

'Or you pakat with my mum bluffed me ones? My mum asked you to tell me they got follow case so you just tell me like that?'

He said

'I really never, I never pakat with your mum la... That is what i really think la... because first is I knew pl very ai mian zi so she wont sorry to your father mah... second is your father is datuk, how dare the police dont settle the case? Trust me, they wont dont care you ones la...'

I said

'Ohhhh... also true la... but I dont know why I keep thinking people bluff me or think people want to harm me... you think why?'

He said

'Or you got depression?'

I said

'Choi choi choi! The doctor said I dont have depression. But why you said I got depression?'

He said

'Depression not like that ones? Always think other people bluff or harm?'

I said

'Haiyo... my situation is different la... because you know pl person mah... Since, she always harm people already then got happy face so I keep thinking she want to harm people is normal ok? And I not thinking everyone want to harm me, I just think she wants to harm me only, so that is normal ok?'

He said

'Also true, then I think actually is pl scary personality caused you think too much lo... since she always simply talk things to you so you awhile scared this awhile scared that.'

I said

'You mean I really got because of her, awhile scared this awhile scared that?'

He said

'Got la... very obvious... awhile scared got ambulance, awhile scared she harm you ... awhile scared she beat you next time... funny...'

I said

'Anah! I dont know last time I still think she is pity if really go into jail, but after you told me, if she never goes into jail then will bring danger to me then I already changed my mind. I think the things you said also got reason, I keep thinking if we never separate, then she will beat me like that again. You think she will or wont?'

He said

'100 % will.... I think if your father let go her this time, sure she thinks this time she lucky, then she thinks next time she beats you again nobody knows...'

I said

'Eh eh eh... I dont have mouth to tell others ah?'

Hk even said

'haha!  I think she will think even you got mouth, but you wont say ones lo...'

I said

'Mmmm... also true... but do you think I like that very weird? People beat me until whole body wounds but wont say... like add math incident also like that... will weird or not?'

Hk even laughed and said

'Hahaha! Got a bit look like zi bi zhen lo.... where got people like that ones? Haha!'

I said

'Zi your head... if really want to say zi bi zhen also your IQ more meet criteria ok? Hehe!'

Hk laughed very loud and said

'Hahaha!  Eh... I said you like autism consider very good edi hor.... better than Ah Keong... that night I heard he said you are down syndrome.'

I said

'Walao! Down his head.... ask him open up his eyes properly and look at my facial features... my 5 senses look better than him hor!!! Ask him from which aspects he saw my eye lens got sengek to nose wor?? Ask him look into mirror first la....'

Hk said

'Hahaha! How I know? I heard he said you down syndrome I also shocked...'

I said

'Haha! You tell him my girlfriend is INTERNATIONAL MODEL ! HER FIVE SENSES ABOVE INTERNATIONAL CRITERIA ones hor!!!! Mai siao siao! Hehehe! kidding !' 

Hk said

'Hahaha! Sampat la..... but I really heard he said you down syndrome, that is why I so shocked....'

I said

'I got look like down syndrome meh? I remembered last time I got one maid, when she saw my photo on bed, she keep laughing non stop, then when I asked her why? She said my eyes mata sepek look like down syndrome.'

He said

'Zha dao! which photo he said you look like down syndrome?'

I said

'My 3 years old photo lo.... the one wearing green blouse and green skirt, wearing hat ones....'

He said

'Ohhhh I knew that one, that one where got look like oh? That one very cute lehhhh....'

I said

'Back to the point, Si Ah Keong! Gossiped people at the back, cari mati! Dont let me see him next time, if not I will scold him lao ren chi dai zhen!'

When I said like that,

Hk cant stop laughing!

He said

'Hahaha! Sampat la you.... laugh die me.... Lao Ren Zhi Dai Zhen.'

I said

'When mentioned of Lao Ren Zhi Dai zhen, it made me recalled of Chloe, hahaha funny last time I asked her : eh yesterday the restaurant we went you forgot d ah? Then she said: Yesterday I where got come out with you oh? We almost two weeks never come out d lehhhh.... You mistaken me for someone is it? I said: No... is you.... yesterday we went Scoozi Italian restaurant for dinner you forgot d ah?? Then she said: Where got oh?? You dreaming is it??? I said: Then yesterday I went out with who? I remembered we go Italian restaurant.... then she laughed and said: Walao! You yesterday went out with who also you dont remember? You got Shao Nian Chi Dai Zhen is it???'

(Scoozi Italian Restaurant)

When I told hk like that,

Hk keep laughing :D
Funny! Shao nian chi dai zhen :D

But to be frankly,

somehow I always cant differentiate between dreams and reality.

One of the day,

I phoned mummy and said

'Ma... I just bought two basketball jerseys for Ah Zern, I felt like he told me he wants me to buy one more for him, you help me to ask him, I dont know whether is dream or reality. Because the jerseys are so expensive, I already bought two for him, impossible he ask me to buy one more mah.... but I felt like he got told me to buy one more...'

When I said like that, mummy even laughed cant stop.

She said

'Hahaha! Got so Kua Zang meh?? Dream or reality also dont know.... Ok, later he comes back I ask him.'

The next day,

I phoned mummy and asked

'Ma... Ah Zern got said he wants me to buy one more jersey for him or not?'

Mummy laughed and said

'Hahaha! I asked him edi... he said no.... you were dreaming....'

Sometimes,

I really felt that my recognition abilities are kinda terribly scary like Emily :(

I cant really differentiate dreams and reality ! 

One of the time,

I suddenly get money from Carol !

I said

'Ehhhh, you yesterday owe me $5 dollar.'

She said

'Since when yesterday I borrowed money from you?'

I said

'There.... you forgot d ah? Yesterday you borrowed money from me and said you want go and buy chatime milktea.'

She said

'When?'

I said

'Yesterday, but what time I forgot d?'

She said

'You dream is it? Yesterday morning I went exam, and after I came back, I slept from 11 am something till night lehhhh..... I where got borrow money from you?'

I said

'Oh Ya hor yesterday you sleeping the whole day!'

When I said like that,

everyone keep laughing at me because I cant even differentiate dreams and reality!

And I think I am kinda scary too,

suddenly get up in the morning and tell others "YOU OWE ME 5 DOLLAR"