The night without pills

by Unknown - 9:22 pm

These days,

I am really hectic of travelling or trying good foods :D

For some nights,

I really exhausted when back to the hotel after traveled the hotel.

I lied on the bed and slept without the calming pill.

Somehow,

I noticed that for the specific two nights when I didn't take pills,

I would cried terribly for apparently no reason or a very tiny reason on the next day.

I really get depressed easily when I never take pills,

I would keep thinking of her and keep crying non stop.

Just an indeed negligible affair, I could keep crying in public places.

When I was eating meals in the restaurant,

I will suddenly recalled my seventeenth trauma, keep having the flashback of the cane whacking on my leg from a really high position.

Then,

I would can't control my tears and emotions,

lost of control and keep crying in the public places.
And also I would lost of control and can't stop crying when a small matter crossed my mind.

You know what?

Mummy just refused to buy a glove for me,

I would think of since young until now she never and ever treat me well before,

I think she is so self-center,

she just think of what she wanted and what she needed but not me :(

She will denied to buy the things I wanted by saying

'This is not nice' or 'This is not a good quality' or 'this is expensive'.

She will judge everything by her own opinion but not others,

or choose to eat her favourite meals but not others.

Whatever she disliked, she will just denied regardless of my feeling.

Therefore,

I will keep thinking since young till now I never been care, love and protected before; always been scolded or beaten without any solid reasons.

Since young I been growing up in others family and I just always have the sense that other people loved me more than my parents.

Since young I have almost no celebration of birthday parties or receiving any birthday pressie from daddy or mummy so I felt like my life in the family is just like black and white.