Cause and effect of hate

Now,

I been truly felt the heaviness of the powerful resentment in my heart.

I knew the figure who I hatred,

the only thing that I couldn't figure out is what caused I hate them,

thus I went Google find out why I hate them.

I typed in the Google search engine

'What caused hate'

It specifically answered hatred came from long term bullied.

When I read up this paragraph from the article,

I am asking myself

'Is this the real reason which caused me to have a strong hatred in heart?'

I guessed most probably yes.

After I read up the article,

I vividly recalled the conversation between Kaima and me on last week,

I complained to her about my parents,

I told her that my parents want to tortured me by demanding me to take Air Asia normal seat but I refused, then my mum still bought.

I claimed that Air Asia seat is very very painful after a night flight,

7 plus hours flight.

I said if go pulau tioman or bangkok all those I don't mind,

but now this one fly one night and I can't even sleep in the flight till the next morning.

Even I took medicine already, still can't sleep,

my eyes tired till keep rolling tears automatically.

Kaima asked

'Then before she bought the ticket, did you tell her you dont want air asia normal seat because of very suffered?'

I said

'Got, I told her I dont want already, I got explained to her because very painful but she still bought.'

Then I was complaining for a long message in an uncontrollable way,

sort of repetitive saying that I am not good bully and I wont let people take advantage of me and wont let myself suffer

I remembered I keep saying

'I am not good bully, this time I wont let myself suffer ones, I really wont let people take me for granted any more, now I want to more focus on my self needs instead of others first, I wont let myself suffered ones! Enough is enough! I can't withstand any more! When Pn Lye get angry, want to beat me then just let her beat, now my mum want to save money then just suffer myself one night, I wont so good any more... I can't withstand any more! I am not good bully! Wa... people think me cincai cincai then take me for granted. Pn Lye also! She think me this one even beat her also keep quiet and forgot afterwards ones, just beat only since now I am angry.... now my mum think me no matter what seat she bought, sure I dont care dont care and dont know ones... she think let me suffer one night never mind... Now I wont be so stupid any more, I already suffer enough! I want to show that I am not a good bully! Now I want to protect myself first, I wont let anyone make me suffer any more!'

Now after I read the article,

I really think of does hatred comes from bully?

When I type in more specifically that why children hate their parents,

it pop out 10 common reasons that why people hate their parents.

And I believe it's quite true when applied on me; particularly long time not fulfilling their demands.

Parents unconditionally love their children and expect the same from them. Parents cater to their children’s needs, fulfill their demands, help them when required, stand by their side, support them & care for them. They are the candles that burn themselves to light up their children’s lives. They can almost do anything for their children and their betterment.

However, children sometimes do not have the same feeling for their parents. Although, they may respect their parents, or show that they love and care for them, deep down they may even hate their parents for one or more reasons.

Does your child also hate you? Read on to find out the possible reasons.

Many times, parents tend to be strict towards their children and this strictness may sometimes go beyond the limits their children can tolerate. Also many parents make rules for their children, which may not go well with them. Still children are asked to follow these rules and if they fail to do so, the parents usually scold them or even may beat them up in certain cases. This kind of strictness is not at all liked by children and excess of such behavior makes children hate their parents.

Moreover, frequently scolding them or beating them up may cause a sense of insecurity among the children and they would hate their parents even more.

Similarly monitoring and mentoring the children more than required also may instill a feeling of hatred towards their parents amongst many children.

In today’s scenario, most of the parents are working. As a result, both father and mother are unable to pay proper attention towards their children due to lack of time. They are hardly aware of how do their children spend their day, what do they like or dislike, what are their dreams and ambitions, what do they expect from their parents and what are they up to. This may be either because parents are too busy to even talk nicely to their kids or because they may ignore or not need to what their kids tell them. The latter may be due to a variety of reasons (even, valid reasons) such as dual mindedness or absent mindedness caused by work pressure, over-burdening of responsibilities at both home and workplace, giving more importance to work or self than the kids etc. Again, if the parents too much preoccupied, they don’t give their children time, both quality and quantity. Children want their parents to talk to them, play with them, understand them and be friendly with them. Unable to give quality time to children may gradually lead to severe hatred from your children.

It is human nature to demand a lot ones whom you love and care and the vice-versa. This demanding nature increases even more in front of the parents, as they are the ones who are always responsible for their kids, their basic needs, their belongings, their special requirements etc. Right from the birth, a child expects his/her parents to do everything for him/her and fulfill all his/her demands. Thus, whenever children need anything, they go to their parents first and ask for it. Sometimes, their demands may be as small as a chocolate or a new set of color pencils while it may even be as big as a personal laptop or a trip to Disneyland! Usually kids demand small simple things for which parents generally agree. Sometimes parents may disagree due to varied reasons, depending upon the circumstances. Saying ‘no’ to their demands sometimes is not only obvious but equally essential but always refusing to fulfill their demands or too much of being adamant may be a reason for their hatred.

Parents usually teach their kids to be calm and peaceful and that they must not fight. However, at the same time, they many-a-times fight amongst themselves or with others. This not only makes children hate their parents but also disrespect them. It is very usual for couples to fight. Even as parents, they may fight with each other, sometimes in their kid’s presence also. Moreover, many times, children have to act as mediators between their father and mother in their fights. Children hate these kind of fights and the habit of fighting may also be one of the reasons why children hate their parents.

Most of the parents are very protective towards their children and care for them a lot. However, this care and protection sometimes becomes too much for children to accept. No child wants his/her parents to throw an overdose of care at him/her. They do not like to be asked every now and then about their well being. Not only this, often children are barred from doing certain things they wish to because of over-protection. Although it is necessary and obvious for parents to protect their children, but when this protection becomes excess, it may also impact children negatively. For instance, over-protection and extra care may snatch away the freedom of children which is very essential for their development. It may also make children more dependent upon their parents. Children must be made independent and even they love it. Protecting and caring too much may hinder this and make children hate their parents. As it is said, “excess of everything is bad”.

In case of two or more children in a family, it is very common for kids to envy their brother/sister due to the extra attention he/she receives as they feel that the parents love him/her more. However, parents maintain that they love all their kids equally and they actually do. But, at times, knowingly or unknowingly, parents get biased towards one child more than the other. In such a case, the other child feels neglected and he/she creates a false notion in his/her mind that the parents don’t love him/her at all but only the sibling. This may occur when one child is favored more than the other due to any reason and it must be avoided or else the other one consequently starts hating his/her parents.

One of the most common reasons for children hating their parents is due to the ‘generation gap’. As is said, generation gap creates a divide among people, usually in the ways they think and do things. There is usually a difference of about 18-40 years between the ages of parents and children and thus, they tend to behave differently. They perceive things in different manner due to many factors such as societal tendencies, advancements, technology, ideals, thoughts, family, friends etc. As a result, their opinions vary drastically in almost every situation. Moreover, the new generations are more open to new technologies, modern thoughts and modern ways of living life and they find them more appropriate and practical than the older, conventional ones. This leads to a mismatch between parents’ and children’s thinking. Parents usually do not approve of the modern thoughts or cultures, say for example gay marriages, live-in relationships, pre-marital sex, greater exposure of kids to new technologies or new things etc. This creates a mental divide among children and parents. As children these days usually prefer things their way, they often compel their parents to support their ideas leaving conventional ones behind. Reluctance to accept these ideas and not understanding the children’s point of view results in children hating their parents.

The difference in the words and action of the parents is one of the most important reasons why children hate their parents. Usually, almost every child, some or the other time finds his/her parents doing something which they teach not to do, for instance, telling a lie, or fighting. These are very common among adults (parents), albeit they teach their kids not to do so. Similarly, they even make false promises to their kids regarding many things. These unfulfilled promises make children feel that their parents lie to them and have double standards. Genuinely, children start hating their parents.

Today’s world is competitive. Obviously, every parent wants that his/her child must excel in all fields, be it academics, sports, art, music and so on. More than their wish and will, it becomes a matter of prestige for the parents in the society that their children come first in the class or play the sport to represent the city, state or nation. As a result, they compel their kids to excel in as many fields as possible. Even if some field doesn’t interest the child, the parental pressure creates a sense of fear in child’s mind and he/she unwillingly has to participate. In spite of the child expressing his/her dislike towards the particular field, if the parents keep on forcing the child to perform, he/she simply hates his/her parents.

It is quite common for parents to impose their own dreams and ideas on their children even if the children don’t like them. The parents want their children to think and behave exactly as they wish to. They want their children to choose a spouse they like, a career of their interest etc. For instance, if a father could not become a doctor despite of trying hard, he imposes on his son to follow and fulfill his dream of becoming a doctor even though the son wishes to become a basket ball player. The father stops his son from playing the sport and study harder instead. He makes all decisions for his son from what subjects he chooses to what and for how much time he plays and studies. Just like in career, parents impose a lot of their dreams on their children as a result of which children hate their parents.

Absolutely,

I told Kaima about sort of things as what Google mentioned.

I said

'Since young, my parents ill treated me because think me stupid, when i was in primary school, my mum think me everything dont know dont know and dont care, she just gave me 0.20 cent to school everyday and gave my sis and my brother as usual RM2. Because she think me as long as she gave me then I very happy already, so she just treated me like that. When I was young, I went shopping ,centre with my mum, I'll definitely cried, because she will never buy things for me but bought for my sis, because she think I cry cry awhile then never cry already, never fulfil my needs never mind, as long as can save money then let me suffer. Because she think me stupid so she think stupid people dont have feeling, can treat them anyway as how she felt she supposed to. And my father also, when my elder brother demand of anything, he never think of price and just agreed and just let my brother decide and bought it, because he think whatever my brother said is worthy, and whatever I said is not worthy, as long as give me the most simplest ones I already can survive and ignored my needs, and when I was young, my mum never bought any new year dress for me at all, every year wear my sis old clothes, and even school reopened also the same thing, wearing the old uniform and let people think I came from a poor family. Enough is enough! I wont let myself suffered any more. 21 years surviving in this kind of life still not suffered enough? Now I will definitely protect myself and wont let myself suffered,  I wont because of thinking about others feeling then just let people do what their want! One more time, if Pn Lye beat me again, I will going to strike her back, I wont let myself suffered any more! And I wont let her take me for granted any more. And I wont let my parents take me for granted because of their own sake! Buy a cheap flight for me and think of their own sake and terbalik tortured myself for a night? No such thing! Enough is enough! I'm a human being also!'

When looking back into my message content,

I think most probably or I could admitted my hatred towards my parents came from the childhood negligence; lack of basic needs, long term not fulfilling my demands and prejudice in the family.

I neither need them to pay attention to me nor love me more than other siblings,

I just need them to provide me daily basic needs,

I dont need them to talk to me or ask me how I am,

I just need them to raise me up as their kid with the fullest accountability.

That's it.

Frankly speaking,

I am the only kid who won't get jealous among sibling in the family,

I wont grab or demand what my siblings having,

I just need a basic necessity of my demand.

I just request a life of not to being tortured, will be safe everyday.

That's it, is it too difficult to strive for this kind of peaceful life?

Well,

my heart won't be stop raining or wont be stop hating till the time they fulfil my basic needs and perceive me as their daughter.