Bed time story for tonight

What is Sibling Rivalry?

Sibling means, children born in the same family or to the same parents. And Sibling Rivalry dates back to ancient times. We can find its shades in epic Mahabharat as well.

Have you seen the Hindi movie 'BLACK' or 'DEEWAR' or many more movies, which have very effectively communicated the dangers of Sibling Rivalry and its consequences on the parents and the family as a whole.

This is rather sad that although, there are so many examples of a healthy and solid bond among Siblings, but the thing that draws our attention the most is if they do not get along well with each other..

What Are The Signs And Symptoms Of Sibling Rivalry?

How to identify that children are having some kind of Rivalry?

Well in a family of brothers and sisters, there can be fights. But that does not mean there is a rivalry among siblings. One moment they fight and the other moment they love each other and play and enjoy with each other.

Most of the children want undivided love and attention by their parents. Rivalry develops, when they compete for the same.

This can be identified as name calling, hitting physically, immature behavior, shouting at each other, throwing tantrums to seek attention and so on.

There can be many causes of this, namely, age, sex, position in the family, that is birth order, above average or mediocre academics, special needs children, general family atmosphere and many more. Let us discuss some of them here:

1. Children With Less Age Difference:

If the age gap is not much in children, there might be competition between them, whether in studies or sports or any other activity.

When they are small, it might be physical fights, but if not handled properly, when they are still young, it might become verbal later on.

2. Children of the same sex or age:

It is but natural that children of the same sex or age get equal opportunity while growing up in a family. As a result, they might develop the same interests or capabilities. But one of them might be slightly better than the other and may get applauded for that by the parents or the teachers.

It is then that the friction starts and it is a real difficult situation for the parents to handle.

3. The Middle Child:

Many examples can be seen, when the middle born does not get the same attention or privileges as the eldest or the youngest child. This makes the middle child sometimes upset, unhappy or an attention seeker.

4. Gifted Child or the Child with Special Needs:

Each child has his/ her own personality, character, Intelligence etc. It is quite natural for a parent to appreciate the achievements of a particular child. It is then that the problem can start. There can be jealousy among the other sibling.

The parent must maintain a balanced approach as every child can not have the same capabilities.

Then there can be other kind of children, who are physically weak or handicapped or poor in studies. The parents are always concerned about them. As a result, the other Normal kids may feel deprived and may become resentful.

5. Different Temperaments Need Different Treatments:

Each child has a different temperament, unique to his own. Therefore all of them can not and should not be handled in the same manner.

There are children who are sensitive and emotional, whereas there are those who are more practical and mature. It is for the parents to identify and deal with them according to their temperament.

Now for the question that I raised in the beginning. Can the Parents be blamed?

To some extent--Yes!

• Don’t Take It Personally: Understand that your parent may not ‘love’ the other sibling more, they just feel closer or more invested in their lives, for whatever reason. They may not even be aware of it, and most likely not doing it to hurt your feelings.
• Find Support Elsewhere in Your Life: Find supportive people in your life to provide the love, acceptance and approval you may not get from your parents as much as you’d like. While we may not be born into families of people who think like us and share our values, there are many people in the world that can provide the support that our family members may be unable to give.
• Don’t Perpetuate Sibling Rivalry: Don’t compete with your siblings, and don’t blame them for being favored. Even if they’re going out of their way to remain the favorite, you can’t blame them for wanting their parent’s love and approval. Just accept that your relationship with your parents is yours, and try to keep it separate from sibling relationships.
• Accept The Reality of the Situation: You’ll also feel better if you accept that you may not get as much support and approval from parents as you want, and that’s okay. If you don’t come at them from a place of need, you will actually have more personal power. It may be difficult to get into this frame of thought, but you’ll feel better after you do. Start by noticing all that you do get from them, and valuing that.
• Invest In Your Own Family: Finally, if you have a committed relationship or family of your own, you can focus on providing that which you’d like to be getting from your family of origin. Focus on what you share with them, and on what you can provide to yourself in your own life, and you’ll be better able to accept familial quirks.