trauma never gone

Sometimes,

I just can't be a far-sighted person,

no matter how much she tried to make up in this spoiled relationship,

at times I would still walking backward life or having unwanted blues when the inevitable flashbacks crossed my mind.

I could deeply felt her apologetic intentions,

however when those cruel scenarios floating on my mind,

I'll lost control and can't hold back my tears, even in public.

I have an Aussie bestie,

she's actually having the similar trauma like me but with different sort of stories.

Whenever she poured out her heart to me,

I felt like we having the same dilemma and the same trauma,

but I never tell her anything about what I had experienced in my past.

I just lend her my ears; sympathize her and gave her a pat on her back to let her know she's strong enough to gone through all these.

She never had meet her biological father before,

and she was raised up by her biological mum and stepfather.

She went through a very traumatic relationship that we will never imagine,

her ex-boyfriend abused her terribly during her pregnancy and attempted to kill her fetus in the tummy,

and spoke cruel thing to her like  "I want to ripped out your baby now",

and one of the times he attempted to pushed her down from balcony when she's pregnant.

She is living in a sense of insecure till now,

she's afraid of her ex-boyfriend find out her new dwell and threaten to cause harm to her son, which is already 5 years old this year.

Whenever she spoke to me about the abusive behaviours of his ex-boyfriend,

it will definitely remind me of another cruel person,

which almost did the same thing but in different situation,

I never tell her about I've actually underwent torment like her but even worst,

I was being beaten black and blue every fortnightly,

being thrown with something which I really afraid,

my long straight hair was being 'grind' by knife and I even witnessed the scene she took the knife and attempted to cut my wrist.

The most terribly,

I've felt the actual sense of slight grinding on my wrist but luckily there wasn't hurt at the end.

That scenario is unforgettable to me now [sic].

 

When she sent me a message about a particular action of her stepfather,

it reminds me of the similar flashback of her too.

It straight brought me to the memories that when I asked her don't beat me because I've breakup with hung kiat, and nobody can protects me,

she even looked at the table and completely ignored me.