shitty addiction

I'm such a damn!

Have been stop looking his stuffs for a few days,

now I'm back to origin.

Promised myself that I just look at her stuffs once I login,

but the strong addiction made me type his name,

and looked again.

I knew I shouldn't harm myself physically and emotionally,

why now I added a 'physically',

because whenever I look at his stuff,

my heartbeat will began to exacerbate,

I knew this wasn't good to me,

but I just can't control the urge to see his things.

I've promised myself to stop using that account,

but when I think of well I just look at LCL,

nothing else after that,

but after looking at hers,

I will think that

'Well since i've loggin, just look at his things for the last time.'

And this addiction is like last time and last time,

it's so endlessly irritating,

sometimes I failed to control my freaky annoying actions,

I hate this love-hate addiction.

I know he wasn't mine because he's so hurtful all the time which started from the time we were couple,

he has been start hurting me until now.

I'm really such an idiot,

why just can't my brilliant mind forget about that particular anniversary,

if I wasn't think of that date, I wouldn't check and peeped him today.

Now,

I gonna paralyzed myself,

I gonna start to accept a new relationship no matter he's mine or not,

just give it a damn try!

Our next Tuesday date,

I promised to keep in touch with him,

without a new guy, I really can't forget an old one.

Since his heart no longer with me any more,

I have to find some ways to heal and save myself,

can't left myself in the love pit for too long.

It's dangerous and harmful when I immerse it in too long,

I gotcha forget him, I promised myself that I won't browse his FB and Insta anymore,

I won't think about a damn single things about him,

don't care what he wear even the clothes was my gift to him,

just feel that he has too many things are mine which subsequently lead to our love memory triggered.

I tried to get rid this addiction damn hard since the day we broke up,

it's been a year I practicing this,

blocking all his social media, stop thinking him, trying a new job, try my best to step into a new relationship.

But whenever I give it a try,

I will yearn the old feeling and think that they are not mine.

I can't accept a man who 'one stone kills two birds' like him,

or perhaps, he didnt kill two birds, just stop loving me like the first year he did.

Yeah, people changed as the time goes,

but as long as he been break the love principle,

I'm not gonna look back, because I know when I go back to him, it proves that how foolish I am.

I keep bearing in mind that as long as a man have a new woman,

the relationship already came to an end and it's been in a helpless state,

no matter how excellent you're trying to excuse yourself, excuse him or justify both of you,

he'll still eventually leave you because his heart already subconsciously went another way.

And I knew, whenever I look his things,

my mind will float out more of his pictures, and when I stop peeping his things,

my mind will still have his pictures, but to a significant degree, it's not worst like I browse.

Well,

start from today, now onward, 

25-4-2015 signified our love anniversary and at the same time it symbolized our first broke up.

Thereby, start from today,

I will make sure that I stop seeing his things virtually,

and stop thinking him physically.

I know I can do it, just try my best not to get rid someone who attempted to came into my life,

give him a great chance instead of a rare chance,

let him be my silent boyfriend and see how things go.

I believed this outcome will even better than thinking the memories in between us.

Bear in mind,

he hurts me too much in all aspects,

so whatever good that you think of him in mind, it just a justification of love to release your inner repression. and literally he's not as good as you think,

the man who went up with another woman, 

how can you perceived him as good?

Just remember, every time when we were together,

every moment he's harming you and using you,

using your name to get benefits, using your name to get security, and even using your name to get rid of troubles, went out with another girl and left you at home, kept you waiting with false promise and evilly badmouthed you when you're still her girlfriend, hypocritically created a false-good sense to you and then deleted what he has been done, telling the public that how good he is and how bad is his gf is his ultimate motive,

so at the end,

why do you still yearn for this bad-shit guy?

What minor things that you really can rely him?

Well,

I promised that I will just end this love tragedy with a quick signature.