A brand new blog

After few days closing of my old blog,

I felt like I am so uncomfortable without writing any things,

my fingers are itchy and thoughts are too impulsive,

I have too much things to share within myself,

I can't verbally express well, technically, blog is the only way to speak out my life.

Christina! Welcome again,

you are gonna read loads of sorrowful stories again.

Sorry to say that :(
But this blog, I gonna motivate myself, to reborn a new life before age of 21.

Those unhappy things will gonna be a full stop and end so immediate,

I never unwilling, just decided to accept everything.

Thanks for friends and teachers who encouraged me, consoled me, motivated me so much about life.

Datin play the largest role, follow by Ee Bee Fong and Mr. Siew,

they are the top 3 friendly teachers in GBS.

While Pn Lye - the shouldn't punisher,

no matter how I hatred her, how deep of the resentment I hold,

I still have to say I would like to forgive her.

Not to surprise that my thinking 360 degree change so much,

because forgive is the only way to forget.

Even it's tough, but forcefully, I still have to do it.

These days,

I have too many things to blurt out from my deepest heart,

my heart is so chaotic when it without a piece of paper to write out the worries which bury in the deep down,

even the hatred towards her is unspeakable,

but when I think of she is gonna go through imprisonment,

I even cried so immediately when I knew that.

I just think that even a murderer killed a person, they shouldn't be treated by imprisonment,

that's too boring cruel !

Yeah! I am a person who afraid of boredom,

so I think of other people so much, care of other people so much that afraid they will feel bored.

Yes!

Even I so hatred her, but she still one of the person who crossed my life, the person who I knew in my life, I ain't a cold blooded homo sapien, my tears still flow as usual when I know the people I recognized is going to imprison. 

Hung Kiat said

'Your father said Pn Lye is going to jail for 2-3 years.... maybe asked already so only he will said like that....'

I said

'Har!!!! Jail ! Don't you think is pity??'

He said

'No no no!!! Dont think of she is pity! She hits you so many times, not painful? Not pity? You listen to me first... You see! That day she told me you are just a stranger for her, so now why you go and care she is a person who you knew her in life? Since she thinks you as stranger, you also regard her as a stranger, a stranger goes to jail, anything related to you?'

I said

'But Lye Chuin Li leh?? Dont have mother already?? And her father leh?? You see! All her children graduation photos also dont have father! Sure divorced already! If Pn Lye goes to jail, then she becomes no parents already??'

He said

'Dont care her ! Last time when I talked to her, I said you very kesian, alone survive in australia with no parents... alone take bus alone go school alone survive.... she some more can answered me its time to let her independent without parents.... so now you also let her independent without her parents lo... see! God will punish ones... everything that came out from their mouths, they are going to experience....'

I said

'Do you think God is really punishing them?'

He said

'Mostly la... if not why got so many coincidence?'

I said

'Mostly coincidence is created by God?'

He said

'Anah! If not why suddenly so many coincidence? Coincidence is always destine to be happen, you see! When she is beating you, the first time you hang up the call, the second time you also hang up the call, but why it still destined to accidentally pick up the call in the situation that you yourself dont even know? Why accidentally heard by me when she is beating you? Why accidentally when I reached she is beating you? Even you dont know how to talk but your parents still can know there were wounds on your backside? Dont you can see out there is so many coincidence? That's why I tell you, coincidence is created by God, God is going to punish her.'

I said

'I dont know... I just think everything came too sudden. Even I really hate her, but I still unwilling her to goes into jail because I think even when she beat me, pain also pain awhile only... my person is like that ones... sometimes when I quarreled with my mum... after 30 minutes like that I forgotten already... awhile more I talked to her already or like nothing happen already.... just like that day, when she beat me... I cried very loud.... very angry... but after 10 minutes,  I played with the indian woman and laughed already... my person is like that ones... cried also 3 minutes hotness... so my parents wondered why she will beat me I still go... because this is my person... I angry also angry awhile only... cried also cried awhile only... the next day I forgot already.... I am just like what the fortune teller said... not stingy ones... she said after a little while, you call her come, then she comes again edi.... HAHA!'

He said

'I think you this type of person is soft hearted person... she beat you beat until like that, you still say you cried also cried awhile and pain also pain awhile only?? I tell you, this time you cant be so soft hearted... Dont tell your dad dont let her go into jail you know?? You see! If she never goes into jail, she also wont become teachers anymore, when she wont becomes teacher anymore, she will think herself no longer a teacher so she think she can do whatever she likes and beat you lagi worst on the next time.... so dont be soft hearted this time... if not if she beat you again on the next time, you will regret in the future....'

I said

'Wont la... she got told my dad she wont beat me anymore...'

He said

'Aiya! bluffed ones la... dont trust her easily... I think sure she will think this time she unlucky only... I can guarantee next time she beat you sure she keep quiet ones... dont trust her...'

I said

'What you told my dad?'

He said

'I told your father the best is let pn lye go into jail because if Pn Lye goes into jail already then Huay Ching wont go and find her d.... that two three years also can make Huay Ching calm down and forget the past.... is good for both sides... then when Pn Lye out of the jail already, I think she already forget the past...'

I said

'Then what my father said?'

He said

'Your father never say anything, just Mmm one sound only...'

I said

'Walao! You better dont let Pn Lye hear it ! If not she will kills you! hahaha!'

He said

'I know la....'

I said

'But to be serious, do u think its good to let Pn Lye jail? Dont pity her? For me, I unwilling her to jail, but Yi Min, Emily, Swee Hui Ling and my mum said jail is better... Yi Min's opinion is she asked me dont keep thinking I pain also pain awhile only... she said because this thinking will only make myself more pity and more suffer... and she said Pn Lye also never think herself pain also pain awhile only, why must I think like that? While Emily said this type of thing can't be pity ones... she said if you pity her, who comes and pity you? When she beat you not painful ah? While my mum said the same thing as Emily... My mum also said if I pity her, when she beat me I not pity? While Swee Hui Ling said dont get soft-hearted over this issue... she said must let her go jail, she said because through the way I expressed out the head to tails incidents... she said Pn Lye is a person who wont appreciate and wont regret, so she said if let say never let her go jail, she also wont appreciate me, sure she will beat me the next time, she said because add math incident is the best evidence... she said : If Pn Lye is a person who really know to appreciate, since the add math incident happened, you already keep quiet, since you already keep quiet,  she shouldn't beat you anymore... if she still beat you proven that she found no guilty of her previous action... means that she never appreciate you instead still beat you more and more times and also more and more serious after that. So I can guarantee she definitely will still beat you in the future...'

To be honest,

when collectively view all these pictures below,

even I myself also felt shiver and disgusting ! 

Sometimes,

too many thoughts came at the same time which will brain wash me so immediately,

when all my friends around me keep indoctrinated me about not forgiven,

when I am spending time alone,

my brain will automatically keep repeated their words,

'You pity her? Who comes and pity you?'

'She beat you so many times already you still think pain also pain awhile only?'

'Clar, you can't be so soft-hearted ones... will be taken advantages ones you know?'

'You treated her so good for what? Not say she well-treated you also....'

While the last sentence which I remembered the most was from daddy,

I remembered before we hang up the phone,

I asked him

'Pa... you think Pn Lye really will jail?'

He answered me

'Beat people beat until like that no need go jail ah? She jail also you dont go and care her... she so old already, you still so young... you go and worry her things for what? You still have very very long road to go you know??'

Things and thoughts are always have its huge connectivity,

when I recalled of daddy said

'You still so young... you still have very long road to travel, you go and worry her for what?'

I even recalled of Siew told me the same thing as daddy,

Siew told me

'You just let your parents handle it, she will get her punishment in one day, you are too young, still have long road to go, there is no point to worrying an old teacher.'

These days,

I am quite down and emotional just because I am thinking too much.

Especially the day after she hits me, I went to facial treatment,

the lady (Irene) was doing shoulder and arm massage to me,

she asked me

'What happened to your hands?'

I told her

'My teacher hit me.'

She asked

'Siao ah! which teacher? She got crazy ones is it?'

I said

'I dont know... she told me she is crazy...'

She even laughed very loud and said

'HAHAHAHA! She told you she is crazy?? Why so funny ones?'

I said

'I dont know....'

She asked

'Which teacher? Your Australia Amo teacher ah? Amolang very hiong ones wor.....'

I said

'Not my Australia teachers la... is my secondary school teacher...'

She asked

'Why hit until like that? She used cane hit you ah?'

I said

'Use wood....'

She said

'Aiyoh! You see! Whole hand and legs also.... why she beat you until like that? She wants to kills you is it?'

After I heard the word of 'Kill',

I really gone frenzy and thinking too much after a couple of hours,

I keep thinking alone

'This Pn Lye must be intended to kill me, even Irene also said she intended to kill me after seeing my wounds.'

'I think she sure has long term planning in killing me, add math incident unsuccessful killing me, now beat until like that, sure wants to kills me.'

'Last time in front of Dewan, she got said before cane until blood and cane until die....'

'I think sure she wants to kills me, datin can be the third party, she told Datin she wants to kills me,  then today beat until like that, sure got planning ones...'

'When she beating me, she still said you dare to run? I straight hit your head and straight die away! She said straight die away means she has intention of killing me.'

'Before the day I went Australia, she and her daughter both took knifes and almost kill me. Sure they have the intention of killing me.'

'Why Add math incident she caned my leg so terribly... this time also hit my legs until like that? This Pn Lye sure same with Hung Kiat's mum... last time kicked the maid, kicked until the leg blooded and get infection and die... why both of them specially aimed at leg ones? This Pn Lye sure got intention killing me as Hung Kiat's mum.... So many prove that she wants to kill me already... I want to tell papa now... so papa can phone her and ask her dont kill me...'

After thinking all these,

I straight phoned daddy and told daddy be aware of her,

I said Pn Lye has long-term planning of killing me.

I lost of control and keep crying in the phone!

Daddy keep telling me dont have and claiming that I thinking too much!

I said

'Got! She really got want to kill me! Last time before I went Australia, she and her daughter both took knifes in kitchen wants to kill me!'

Daddy said

'No la... wont kill you la...'

I said

'Got....'

He said

'I also dont have means dont have la...'

I said

'Got... I said got means got la...'

Daddy said

'How dare she kills you? Kill people need compensate life ones know?'

I said

'I know... but I still scared she will kill me.... she also got told Datin she wants to kills me, if you dont believe, you can phone Datin and asked...'

Daddy said

'Now you believe Pn Lye or believe papa?'

I said

'Believe papa... but I still very scared.... She always said kill ones... you see last time Add math she beat me until like that, today also... she got long planning in killing me ones...'

Daddy said

'I tell you nothing ah.... Pn Lye this person she just treated you as small kid... bluffed small kid only... so only she said she wants to kill you...'

Who knows after hang up the phone call with daddy,

daddy even phoned Hung Kiat and scolded !

The next day,

Hung Kiat phoned me,

he said

'Eh, yesterday you told your dad Pn Lye wants to kill you ah?'

I said

'Anah! How you know?'

He said

'Yesterday your dad phoned me, he said you cried in the phone keep saying Pn Lye wants to kill you... he asked me yesterday you got told Ah Ching that Pn Lye wants to kill her is it?'

I said

'Then what you said?'

He said

'I said ah lo...'

I said

'Eh! Stupid! Why you go and say ah?? Say dont have la...'

He said

'How I know? Dont dare bluff your father la.... I said ah... then he said if she asked you whether Pn Lye wants to kills her is it? You must say No... dont because of scared she angry so everything say yes yes yes follow her....'

I said

'hahaha! Then you really because of scared I get angry only you say yes?'

He said

'Anah! Pn Lye really wont kill you ones la...'

I said

'You early early already know she wont kill?'

He said

'Anah! I just scared if I say wont kill then you get angry of me say I dont believe you... so I just say will lo... I know Pn Lye wont kill, but the most will hit until very very terrible only.... Funny! Your father said kill this word even is joking also cant joke with you, he said because you will take it as real....'

I said

'Hmm! This Datin still pakat with her come and bluffed me! That day after Datin told me in secret recipe that Pn Lye said Pn Lye wants to kills me, I very scared... I still go and tell Tee Syi Rui, I said Pn Lye told Datin that she wants to kills me... Tee Syi Rui keep saying impossible ones... I said Datin really got said... then she said very weird ! She said if Pn Lye wants to kill me, impossible she will go and tell people.... that night we keep planning to figure out whether is Datin own self said ones or Pn Lye really got said... she said ah! Like that lah! Later when you go back home, you straight phone Datin and asked again la! You on speaker! I help you listen her reaction! Dont SMS her that you want to phone her, you straight phone her and observe her reaction.'

On that night,

we really did that,

after both of us reached home,

I said

'Eh! Once she pick up the phone, what I gonna say?'

Tee Syi Rui said

'You tell her you can't sleep, you say you must know whether is it true that Pn Lye said she wants to kills me?'

I said

'Ok! I phone d ah... 1.... 2... 3....'

She said

'Ok.... on speaker....'

Once datin picked up the phone,
Datin said

'Hello...'

I said

'Datin ah....'

Datin said

'Ah....'

I said

'Aiyo! Just now at secret recipe you get frightened me d la... now I can't sleep.... Pn Lye really told you she wants to kills me?'

Datin said

'No... Pn Lye never say she wants to kills you, she just say dont go her there....'

I said

'Oh... so she never say she wants to kill me la?'

She said

'No.... hahahaha....'

I said

'Oh... OK la... bye bye.... xia si wo....'

After I hang up the call,

Syi Rui said

'See! I already say Pn Lye wont go and tell Datin she wants to kill you ones....'

I said

'But just now I really heard... she really got said... if not why I will say Pn Lye told Datin she wants to kills me?'

Syi RUi said

'I already said lo... Datin always talk pusing-belik ones.... next time dont trust Datin so much...'

I said

'But I really got heard... that Vivian still said she heard Pn Lye got said also... impossible Vivian also pakat bluff me bah?'

She said

'Another reason... I knew d... sure Datin scared already... because you suddenly phoned her and asked this question, so I think sure she think you suddenly calm down and got rationality d... so she  scared you think she bluffed you and quickly say she never say so...'

I said

'You think until where? What logic is that?'

She said

'HAHAHA! How I know?? Or else I know got another reason d.... I think sure she think got people beside you hearing what she talk... so she dont dare simply talk... then she scared d only she said she never say Pn Lye wants to kill you....'

 They are too pathetic :(

Well,

stop talking about craps and old stories.

That's really old stories to me.

Now I gonna rebuild my life, stop every old memories and start a new memories with my beloved :)