Truth of immaturity

Somehow,

I am still living in the confusion of immaturity and identity.

Last semester, during the chapter of 'Emotional development',

we learned about hyperactive disorder,

our lecturer told us

'Hyperactive people have a 6 years slower maturation than the non hyperactive people.'

At that time,

I am still undigested this fact and until today,

I blogging on the diary just now and felt like my drawing is super duper childish,

(Even LOW BEE SENG also said me through the way I draw, my thinking is like kindergarten)

indeed, based on the skills, I felt like I am really immature.

I asked Hung Kiat about that whether is it true that our lecturer said 

'hyperactive people have a slower of 6 years maturation than non hyperactive people.'

I am doubting myself but I told him

"Actually, all my friends in Australia, none of them know I hyperactive at all. But if let say I am really obvious immature, my friends sure know I got hyperactive what....'

He said

'Aiya, because now you 21 years old already mah... let say you 21 years old, six years maturation slower also your thinking got at least 15, means the way you talked got up to 15 years old, that is why people dont aware you got hyperactive, because 15 already talk matured.'

I said

'You think this saying is true? Then if let say if I am 15 years old, then my thinking not 9 years old only? Too exagerating dyyy.... hahaha!'

He laughed and said

'Hahaha how I know? The things you lecturer said sure is true only he will said what.... because everything he taught according to book what, book write what, then what he said lo....'

I said

'Then your meaning is because now I twenty one years old, so my thinking is at least 15 years old, so people dont aware I talk weirdly, but when I was 15, I got talk like 9 years old meh??'

He even laughed and said

'Hahaha maybe got lo.... when you 15 I dont know, I just know when you form 2, 14 years old but your thinking is like around 7-8, people bluff you very exaggerate you dont know ones....'

I said

'Form 2 is 14, 14-6= 7 ? Mean when I was form 2, my thinking is like 7 years old only?'

He said

'Haha around that la.... 6-7 years old like that....'

I said

'For example how to say my thinking is 6-7 that time?'

He said

'Dont know... last time dont know what Pn Fang bluffed you d.... I remembered very illogical things also you believed.'

I said

'For example what la?'

He said

'I forgot d... I just remembered is threatening ones... she said a very impossible thing then you believed.'

I said

'I where got believed? I got said I believed?'

he said

'You never say you believed la... but see your face can know you believe....'

I said

'What la? What Pn Fang bluffed me?'

He said

'I really forgot d... I just remembered very exaggerating ones also you believed...'

I said

'But when I reached 18 like that, after form 5 a lot GBS teachers and my friends said I changed a lot.'

He said

'Maybe lo... 18-6 is 12 mah.... maybe when your thinking reach 12 years old, suddenly matured... so everyone say you changed d....'

I said

'Mmm... how to say my thinking is immature?'

He said

'For example, just like when Pn Lye said stay down, then you cried already.'

I said

'Ehhh! How you know I cried?'

He said

'That time when you went back home, you straight told me on that day. You said just now Pn Lye said stay down no need to go back, then you cried very fast.'

I said

'Anah! Because that time she first time talked like that to me mah... I thought was real, then cried lo... because she said OK i want to go out d... today you stay down, then I saw she walking into her house. Then I thought I really cannot go back d, then when she walked from my car there until her house gate there then I cried d....'

He said

'Bluffed ones la! Next time dont trust her!'

I said

'How I know? That time you havent tell me is bluff ones... I haven't phone you mah then I thought was real... then scared until cried...'

He said

'I knew la... you always when she told you anything on the first time also you cried ones...'

I said

'Ya la! Because when she keep mentioning something I already used to she talked that sentence, already used to then wont cry d mah... like if she says something new, I never heard before she talk like that, then I thought is real, then I cried d.... like last time in school, I remember the first time she said call police I cried, and the first time she said call ambulance also I cried.'

He said

'Like that means slower maturation lo...'

I said

'Weird! Why believed means slower maturation?'

He said

'Because people who under 7 years old is like that ones... they thought is real mah... they still cannot think, their brains still havent develop logic....'

I said

'Yes yes yes! Our exam also got come out.... concrete logic is fully develop at 7 years old.'

He said

'Means you got hyperactive ? Slower maturation? Haha!'

I said

'Wait wait wait! You see ah... that time form 3, I also havent close with her, how I know she will bluff ah?'

He said

'This kind of things never say whether know a person will bluff or wont bluff ones la... a secondary student wont believe ones.... even primary school student also wont believe ones...'

I said

'How i know? That time the first time she told me call police, I not close with her, how I know is true is bluff ones? She said I spoiled lai yoke pin table then call police come n catch me... that time I cried after Datin's class, and Pn Sio passed by, she asked me why I cried.'

He said

'Then what you said?'

I said

'Pn Lye want to ask police come and catch me because she said I spoiled lai yoke pin table.'

He said

'Hahaha! zha dao! Then what pn sio said? Pn Sio got laughed at you or not?'

I said

'Got la... Pn Sio laughed very politely beside, like own self laughing beside that type, but I continue cried and dont care her.'

He said

'Then another time ambulance ones? Where you cried?'

I said

'That time cried in Omar room lo... I saw she pressed three numbers on phone... then I cried already, cried until Alex came in... but Alex just took things only.'

He said

'But why you dont want go and pluck the phone wire? Haha!'

I said

'I got think of that at that time, but I scared if I pluck, then sure she will even angry, then she will says OK! YOU DARE YOU DARE! NOW I CALL ! DONT CARE!'

WHEN I SAID LIKE THAT, 

Hung Kiat even non stop laughing and said

'Hahaha! The way you talked is totally what I could imagine of the situation. I think your pattern and the way you talked is exactly printed from her d... left your appearance unlike her only hahaha!'

I said

'Anah! She very scary ones... I dont dare to talk back to her ones... she will use the things she have on hand to overcome me ones... like if she has dog beside, if I say for example YOU ALSO, sure she Okay junior! like that ones... so I mostly use hands talk to her only.'

He said

'Haha use hand... she knows what are you talking about meh?'

I said

'Know la... at home also I used my hand talk to my father, my father also understand what to say Pn Lye.'

He said

'Why you use hand talk to your father?'

I said

'Sometimes when he standing quite far or sometimes I listening mp3, then he will use his hand show the gestures like korek korek in front of his mouth, means he ask me come down eat d... dont play computer...'

He said

'Haha imagine if Pn Lye ask you to eat, imagine if she korek korek in front her mouth very funny leh... plus her mouth so big... '

I said

'Haha.... Pn Lye and me usually is she used mouth talk and I used my hand to talk... because I very scared she wants to do anything to me if I talk back...'

he said

'Since when you start to use hands talk with her ones? Since after add math?'

I said

'No la... I early early already used hand talk to her... since I knew if I talk back she will cane me... sometimes also will use mouth to talk la... when she never take cane then use mouth to talk lo...'

He said

'Then she never realized because you scared of her only you dont dare to talk?'

I said

'I think never realized bahhh... I think she just think I used to only...'

He said

'Form 1 form 2 you got talk to her with hands ones?'

I said

'No... that time seldom talk to her, the most she scolded me only, I never talk, got talk also one or two sentences only.'

He said

'But use hands can talk meh?'

I said

'Can la....'

He said

'How?'

I said

'Depends what she asked or what she said la...'

He said

'Haha your favourite quotation YOU ALSO how to show?'

I said

'You also ah?? You also means use mouth to say U ALSO only la... But I seldom will say that, unless there is nothing on her hand only I will say.'

He said

'Hahaha then dont beat me how to show??'

I said

'Dont beat me... hahaha you made me recalled on the last day she beating me. Because she keep beating me, I very painful, then I want to ask her dont beat me, but I dont dare to use mouth say DONT BEAT ME, because I scared if I say DONT BEAT ME, sure the more she beat... Then at that time I really overwhelmed and dont know what to do, because dont beat me how to show? Use hand show also very hard to show mah... When I think back also funny, my mouth mumbled soundlessly, because dont know how to talk, scared talk edi the more she will beat, YOU KOU NAN YAN AH!'

When I said like that,

Hung Kiat even laughed and said

'Hahaha! You know how to use the Chinese idioms YOU KOU NAN YAN in this situation? Funny!'

I said

'Knew la! My UPSR chinese at least got a B oh! And because my mouth was like talking, but no sounds ones... not consider talking, was like mumbling, because I dont know how to talk to make her stop beating me, my tongue also tie a knot ah! Hahaha!'

He said

'Then at last how?'

I said

'Use hand talk lo... still got what?'

He said

'Hahaha dont beat me how to show? You show me....'

I said

'I like that... I used my hand point at my leg and hand, I forgot where I point d... I just remembered I point three parts... hand, wrist and leg I think. Means very painful already, dont beat.'

He said

'Zha dao, like that also you can think of, so creative!'

I said

'Actually dont beat also very easy to show leh... dont beat means shook one hand and swing my hand up and down only.'

He said

'Then why you dont do that? Shook your hand and swing up and down only.'

I said

'Told you d lo... I cant say dont beat me, if not the more she will beat, I only can say other things like VERY PAINFUL, so she will stop beating.'

he said

'Then she got stop beating after you point?'

I said

'No... I think she dont understand what I trying to show....'

he said

'She purposely ones la... you point like that, I see also damn obvious means very painful lo...'

I said

'Dont know... she continue beat... or I think that time very dark, I point, but she never see I point?'

He said

'No la... Dark also never dark until everything cant see meh? If you say dark until she cant see you point, then she can see where she beat meh? Funny!'

I said

'Also true!'

He said

'Then at the end how?'

I said

'Then at the end, I really painful edi... I accidentally said out DONT BEAT ME.'

He said

'Then?'

I said

'Because is accidentally said out ones... so the voice is really really soft ... then she asked me what? Then I think since I said already just say again lo... then I said DONT BEAT ME louder.... but not loud until the level she will beat me la....'

He said

'Then she got never beat or not?'

I said

'Got la... I said dont beat me... then she suddenly really stop beat me, I also terperanjat!'

He said

'Haha how u terperanjat?'

I said

'Terperanjat, my eye movement suddenly wont move, mind straight blank.'

He said

'Hahaha got so exaggerating?'

I said

'Got la... because is really unpredictable! Last time in school, if I say dont beat me, sure she says WHO ASK YOU NEH NEH NEH NEH NEH... HAR HAR HAR!!! Then continue beat me ones.... this time she suddenly keep quiet, I also dont know what's wrong with her, terperanjat me! Sometimes human is like that ones... because we already used to her behavior, if one day she suddenly behaved in an unpredictable sure we will shock ones mah... just like Emily, she said in her impression, Pn Lye is a very fierce and ruthless person, she said Pn Lye suddenly took out tissue gave Jess, she said she also shocked, she said dont know Pn Lye eat wrong what medicine suddenly so good, she said her eyes big big look at pn lye, because shocked mah.... but my shock is never look at her, because she stands behind me, but I look at other place and my eyes suddenly  wont move ...'

He said

'Anah! I understand... like my father suddenly talk in a different way or act in a different way or suddenly agree me also I will shocked ones... but my shock still never reach the level like you and emily like that la... shock in heart only....'

I said

'Maybe I should change the perspectives towards her, because I realized she has some little change compared from in school and now.'

He said

'what changed?'

I said

'Means if last time in school, if I said Yohhhh! Dont cane me!!! Sure she continue cane or sometimes even worst ones... but now, at least I say dont beat me, she will stop. And last time in school, if she took my things, the more I want from her, the more she refused to give ones... like last time she took my mp3 like that, she said after school return me, but after school I took from her, she refused to give. And also last time she took my POLO, she said after school go and take from her, I go and take from her, she give me one biji only =.= All these already proven the more you take from her, the more she refused to give ones... but you see this time, she took my car key, I thought she refused to give so I dont dare to take from her, but when she came out, she said if I take from her, she will give. Dont u think she already changed?'

He said

'Alah! Said only... if you never tell her daughter like that also she wont give back you la... you think she really got so good meh?'

I said

'Then why she will said if you take from me, I will give?'

He said

'Because you told her daughter like that, she scared you think her bian tai mah... then only she told you like that....'

I said

'No ah... I never think her bian tai... her daughter asked me why you dont go and take from her? Then I was like hesitating like that... I said you think I really want to take from her? But if I take from her, later the more she refused to give? Cannot cannot.... I think better dont la... haha I talk like that, and was like very annoying and hesitating what to do like that... I just think her person is the more you get from her, the more she refused to give only... like that also bian tai?'

He said

'Anah! Bian tai mostly like that ones what... you want they dont want, you dont want they want.'

I said

'Dont know... I never think of Bian tai there... In my impression, I just perceived her natural reaction will be refused to give if I get from her. Actually initially in school I still dont know got bian tai this thing ones... but I just knew her pattern is if you say want, then she dont want, if you say dont want, then she will want. Like add math that day, I also dont dare to say dont beat me, because I know if I say dont beat me, the more she will beat, then I just can use hand to say dont beat only. But luckily she got asked me to beg her, if not I also no life d... '

He said

'What you beg her?'

I said

'Actually at that time she is caning me mah, so actually I knew her meaning is ask me to beg her dont cane, because she is caning me mah... but I know if I say dont cane me, sure the more she will cane ones... so I say I beg you dont call police, quickly say other things to shifted her attention! Haha! Do u think I am clever? Hehe!'

Hung Kiat even laughed and said

'Zha dao like this also can! Hahaha quite smart lo.... like that time Bapaku dah datang like that!'

I said

'You think both of these are quite same?'

He said

'Haha almost the same lo... shifted away people attention... can see out even you cant physically protect yourself, but you will use psychologically tactic. '

I said

'Do you think I said bapaku dah datang is funny or say dont call police which one is more funny?'

He said

'Both also funny... because both are the same... then when you said dont call police what she said....'

I said

'Haha I already told you, the more people dont want, the more she want, sure she said I NEVER CALL, THEY ALREADY CALL.... NEH NEH NEH NEH NEH.... ALL BIRD WORDS....'

He said

'Then what you said?'

I said

'Me ah? Never continue cane me of course keep quiet already la.... hehe this is how smart people work... I just keep quiet and continue sit. Because let say if she already call police means already call, even I say dont call also useless mah... so I just say I BEG YOU PLEASE DONT CALL POLICE... so when I said like that, she stop beating me already. Haha!'

He said

'But I wonder you no need to think ones meh? Like you can straight say Bapaku dah datang or straight say dont call police to escape the situation?'

I said

'Think of course got think la... I got think 1-2 seconds like that... because when she asked me to beg her, then my mouth saying : Beg? How to beg? But my mind is thinking : How to beg her stop caning me?...  then like after I say Beg? How to beg? Then I straight said: I beg you dont call police come and catch me.'

He said

'Hahaha! Your mouth saying beg how to beg? But your mind is thinking : Beg? how to beg her to stop caning me? Smart enough....'

I said

'Aiya... no choice mah... that time I so painful already... if I never shifted her attention, life also dont have I think!'

He said

'Since when you began to know her person if you say dont want means she wants?'

I said

'Mmm... I think day by day bah?? Because when I was form 3, I still not very close with her in the beginning of the year, then at that time, she always said OK I GO AND TAKE THE CANE, then initially, I always shouted Dont want or jump jump jump like that, then she continue walked away go and take, day by day I knew already lo... then form 4, maybe I wont jump already, but I will step on the floor and shouted Dont want all those... but she still go and take... until form 5, got one day, when she said like that, I testing keep quiet, she really never take! Instead, she said other things! Then I knew edi lo... actually not only this la... maybe is daily experiences.... not only take the cane la... maybe call ambulance or say call police... also the same thing, the more I jump or say dont want, the more she will, the more I ignore, the more she never, so day by day, sure will aware ones.... My overall meaning is the more I agitated, the more she wants to do it, that is why I always ask you dont be so agitated when she said you something, you just refused to listen to me! I am helping you all the way but you just... Haiz....'

He said

'Hao La... I just dont like she keep saying I encouraged you mah.... so I very angry...'

I said

'I knew... I already told you she just want you to get angry, you see me! She where got say me anything? Because I wont give her any reaction, just like she said me all my neighbors said you kurang kasih sayang or said you tomboy... I normal only... eyes normal everything also normal... I keep quiet... then she straight said other things already....'

He said

'I knew... I got listened to you.... I never give her any reaction also she continue said me...'

I said

'You no need to bluff me... I knew your person very well... I no need to see also I can imagine... you tell me you got bend down your eyebrow or not?'

He said

'Hao la... got la... I just bend down your eyebrow, but I never talked back anything.'

I said

'I said anything also dont want you understand ? Bend eyebrow also dont want!!!! You always dont listen, then the more she said only you start complaint...'

He said

'Ok la... next time I listen to you la... dont angry...'

I said

'The person who angry not me, is you! Because you keep complaining she keep saying you. I just teach you how to avoid all these only, but you just dont listen and let the problems continue.'

He said

'I never dont listen, I just too angry she keep saying me encouraged you!'

I said

'Ok, just like me, she said me tomboy, I really a tomboy or not? No! So I dont need go and care. Because she just want to manipulate your emotions, so simple. Sometimes, we have to know the knowledge of psychology in order to deal with others. We have to know what others thinking to avoid problems. So now you tell me you got encourage me or not?'

He said

'No.'

I said

'Ah No! Then why so agitated for what?'

He said

'No la... I just too impulsive to get angry when she said me like that la... I very angry leh... she ownself want to play with you first then she said me encourage you first....'

I laughed and said

'Hahaha! Play! You both very funny, one say you play with her first, one say you encourage her first. Like small kid verbal fighting Haha! But why you said she played with me?'

He said

'Haha! I havent say like that to her, I mean next time I want to say like this to her, because lcl said you want to get their attention mah... then I can said : you play with her first only she wants to get your attentions, if you dont care her where she will comes? Is this logic? Haha am I clever?'

I laughed and said

'Haha! If you said like that sure they speechless ones! Good good good! Funny! You must talk back something so only she dont dare to say you anymore.'