A special person in my life

Is she, demolished my engineer dream,

is she, rebuilt my journalist dream,

is she, makes me becoming a future Australian graduates with a 3 years degree holder,

is she, enlightened me to make use of my trauma to unfold another successful journey,

is she, let me realized that life often has two choices awaiting me,

is she, let me witnessed the radical transformation of my life,

is she, let me understand that surviving in torment isn't a piece of cake,

is she, taught me a life lesson don't be so naive any more.

Indeed,

I have no idea to describe her pure character, 

she's wordless to depict but a special person in my life;

her intentions and actions today enlightened me,

I blamed myself for not clever at expressions as well as not smart in catching cues,

I knew I am childish, I merely used shyness to expressed my sincerity.

This time,

it's my own decision to invite her for the buffet lunch,

because datin told me if I am unexpressed to let her know she is forgiveable,

then she'll be remorse for her rest of life and thinking herself as unforgivable,

datin said it's the exact feeling of killing someone and remain in sorriness for the rest of her life.

I don't want be the one who harm someone that way;

and I think I'll be sorry to myself too if someone have that kind of guiltiness for the rest of life.

After I pondered a couple of minutes,

I even sms Datin to ask her comes out and insisted datin tells her

'Buy one free one' instead of 'Clarissa sincerely invites you for the lunch'.

LOL! Datin even can't stop laughing through the voice messages.

She laughed that I am trying to flaunt, stubborn and shy.

When she was grabbing the foods from far away,
I looked at her from far and asked Datin

'Eh, she got eat buffet before or not?'




Datin even laughed for what I asked,
she said
'Hahahaha! Got lah! One and a half times lah.... dont look down people hor....'

I asked
'Hahaha! How I know? See her pity pity like that... like no money to eat good foods like that then just ask her come and eat since she got come or never come also paying the same amount price....'
Datin said
'Got lah... she got eat good foods for one and a half time lah... not until like ramada lah... but cheaper a bit ones lo...'
I said
'Then she very happy today?'
She said
'Happy.....'
I said
'But yesterday you told me if I ask her to come she will be very happy... but why I never see she is happy ones?'
Datin said
'Because she suddenly terperanjat you will let her comes... because she asked me seriously, she said eh if I give her gifts, she will throw away or not?? she asked me like that know?'
I said
'Why she thinks I will throw away? If I dont want also I'll sell it away instead of throw hahaha! You tell her I wont throw away lah, you say she outside emotional, inside sentimental, sure she keeps well hahaha!'



Datin even pat my shoulder and said
'Hahahaha! Naughty ah you...'
I said
'why she think I throw away?'
She said
'Because she think you dont forgive her mah... she still dont trust you will forgive her....'
I said
'Anoh anoh... why hk's father also think me like that? After hk's father sent me the message and told me that pn lye asked him to told me sorry, after that he go and asked hk, he said: Clarissa got believed I said Pn Lye said sorry to her or not? He asked hk like that .... dont know why....'


Datin said
'Ya la.... because I think the time too fast already, people will think cannot suddenly accept.... so she also think you that way, she some more told me you tested her know? She said you dont believe she never treat you bad any more ... she said you threw the papaya leaf to test her....'
I said
'Siao ah? I think she really got no difference with hk's mum.... hk's mum also always said people testing her ones or dont trust people ones... she balik balik said hk pretend or jia si....'
Datin said
'Hehhhh, ya la... they got that type of thinking lah....'
I said
'Ya la... you knew my person for so long time already, I got which time got test people ones? I think she think until too complicated already... you see, I got which day never disturb? In school also I everyday disturbed right?'
Datin said
'Ya la ya la, I knew your person, that is why I also think she think too far already... I think you just normal disturb only, but she think until you testing her, she said you want to test her reaction whether she will still angry or not....'
I said
'Ok lah you think yourself... if the papaya leaf wasnt there, you think I will throw or not?'
Datin said
'Ya la.. correct correct... I understand, I know you just shou yang only... How I know she will think like that? She said you use papaya leaf to test her....'
I laughed and said
'Hahaha that is why I said she got post-natal depression and neuroticism....'
Datin said
'Hahahaha true true true! You very funny! Give her medicine to eat....'
I laughed and said
'Hahaha! I knew she knew cant eat ones lah... I think she also know is disturb ones lah.... siao meh? I think she eat already straight lao sai...'

Besides,

I think that Datin is the one who I am going to appreciate her in the first place.

She told me a lot of scenes behind to enlightened me;

she told me about pn lye's positive intention and how she expressed behind me,

she said

'You see, you took your house stones disturbed her, put in her mailbox and intended to anger her, but terbalik she very happy because she said the stones very beautiful, she thought you sincerely bought for her ones... she keep on discussed with Annie said the stones very beautiful.'

Ah Lee and me can't stop laughing for their innocence and very 'cute'.

I laughed and said

'Hahahaha! Then Annie also dont know I disturbed ones?'

Datin laughed and said

'Dont know lah! Annie also ben ben ones.... she keep on said very nice very nice....'

I laughed and said

'My initial intention is let Pn Lye angry, I want let her think I took her house stones behind her house and put into her mailbox, who knows she get excited pulak! Funny! This is the first joke I got during 2014!'

Datin laughed and said

'Hahahaha..... she knew that's not her house stone, because the stones you get for her can see out is spa stones that type ones... annie keep on said the stones you gave her is expensive ones....'

I laughed and said

'Hahaha my house stone only, they got so sua gu meh??'

Datin said

'Ya la, that is the difference between rich and poor people, in your eye, you will think that is just a stone, in their eye, they anggap as rune stone... like pearl like that....'

I totally can't stop laughing and said

'Hahahaha!!!! I really never predict her reaction will be so happy, I thought I disturb her, put stone in her mailbox, then when she see the stones, she will get angry and throw the stones into dustbin, that is why I keep laughing when my friend fetched me to her house....'

I asked Datin

'How happy she is when she showed you the stone?'

Datin said

'Very excited and very happy lo, keep on said the stone very nice, and thought you specially gave her ones... she never think of you disturb her at all because the stones too nice already hahahaha!'

I laughed and said

'Hahahaha! Annie also very cute... got gong until like that meh??'

Datin said

'Ya la... Annie also never see such stone before....'

I said

'But when they go spa, they never seen before meh?'

Datin said

'No la... they normal people where got money go spa? That is why they very sua gu... never see such stones before....'

I said

'Then Pn Lye dont know I disturb her lah?'

Datin laughed and said

'Dont know lah! She thought you bought for her ones.... but dont tell her you picked from your house garden ones.... hahahaha if not you wont get the gifts today, I think if she knows that is your house stone, then she will pluck her house flowers for you as return.... hahahaha give and take!'

When datin said like this,

ah lee and me really can't stop laughing! LOL!

I said

'But she also very cute leh... if I want to buy things for her, also buy some useful things, where got go and buy stones?'

Datin even laughed and said

'Jiu shi lo... they think you are cuter than you think they are cute hahahaha! Because they only live in normal residence only, they never seen mansion's stone before... so they very happy, keep on discussed the stones and said how expensive and how rare is that....'

I said

'They also pity until very cute.... two stones only happy until like that... I want go and tell Emily....'

Datin said

'Ya la... that Annie keep on wa wa wa... like the stone very precious like that....'

I said

'Pn Lye really like the stones meh? Tell her I go back my house steal another two for her hahahaha!'

Datin said

'No no no! Better dont give any more, because give too many, the thing becomes worthless already...'

I laughed and said

'Hahahaha! But I really laugh till stomach burst into tears.... the stones I put in her mailbox to disturb her ones... terbalik she happy until like that and thought I specially bought for her ones....'

Datin said

'Ya la... that is why you can know how blissful are you to born in this family environment, you see, for normal people, such stone also they never seen before and happy until like that....'

I said

'Hahahaha then that cheong sam picture leh? She never think of I disturb her? I purposely makes her angry ones.... Wrote my face very worthy.... and put such net price hahaha! Actually I think I am quite stupid and too impulsive, when I saw that picture coincidence put in front of me, I straight cut with scissor and scribbled like that....'

Datin said

'No la... she never think you disturb at all, annie keep on said sui sui sui, hahahaha! Said you very beautiful, very elegant....'

I laughed and said

'Hahaha both of them very sua gu.... I got too many printed pictures.... I think that picture is just a random picture among few hundred pictures.... seriously! Hahaha I got one stack of my modelling pictures!'

Datin said

'Ya la... now you can know how blissful you are, normally people just print the selective photos, so they thought you purposely go print and give her ones... so they were like very happy like that... keep on said sui sui sui...'

I laughed and said

'How I Know? I simply took and disturb her ones... I saw put in front of me, they I just simply cut and scribbled and think of make her angry.... because I thought her person not very agitated and irritated ones? I thought when she sees funny things she will get angry ones... such as walk very fast and said Angry you know?? Something like that...'

Datin said

'Yes yes yes... that is why I tell you, all these are her changes that we can notice, I believed last time if you do like that, sure she becomes very aggressive and irritated ones... sure she comes and tell me: Lu kua! Hee Gei Clarissa Pai Si disturbed me.... put stone in my mailbox.... but now she thinks a different way, she thinks positively as a gift you gave her....'

I said

'Also true also true.... her temper changed a lot...'

Datin said

'Ya la... stress gone, when mind relaxed, then everything in sight becomes positive things....'

I said

'Her what stress gone?'

Datin said

'Almost every stress lah....'

I said

'Which stress?'

Datin said

'First, now her children all graduated already, left one youngest ones completing graduates, so she no need worry her children education fees already, second is her children all not with her already, she no need wash their plates wash their clothes all those already.... very senang already... third, her mum last year died already, so she no need take care of her sicked mum any more, fifth, Jun transferred to another school already, so she no need worry the add math incident will be exposed already, so a lot of stresses went off already, her mindset will became totally changed...'

I said

'Then wrote her neurotics ones? She never get angry? Haha! I plan to stimulate her when she reads, I imagined she read finished already, then squeezed into paper ball and throw into the dustbin angrily... then I keep on laughing when I wrote that paper... because I imagined her reaction very funny when she read the paper....'

Datin said

'Terbalik she never angry, but keep on laughing herself when she read the paper....'

I laughed and said

'Hahahaha why she so abnormal nowadays?'

Datin said

'That is why I said her mindset changed, you can trust her now. She became kind person already. Actually she also knew you still distrust her because she treated you too bad in past. She knew its too hard to suddenly think she is sincerely good to you. She told me you keep on disbelieve her.'

I said

'Or you told her I dont believe her? Or hung kiat's father told her I dont believe her? Because Hung Kiat's father asked hk whether I believed pn lye said sorry to me or not... so I think sure hk's father told her I not believe ones....'

She said

'No la.... I think she thinks herself you dont believe her ones... because very common sense people will think that way, even hk's father also will ask hk like that already, so I think she herself also guess you dont believe her...'

I said

'How to say I dont believe her? For example....'

She said

'For example gift today lo.... you keep on very scared, said scared got cockroach inside... dont believe her this time never harm you any more...'

I said

'Anah! How I know ah? Last time she wants to return me the key, she threw the key into longkang and picked up, made the key smelly smelly only returned to me, and when she wants to return me the key, she put on top of the dog and ask me go get... so I'll think the gift is just like the key, its a temptation, she makes me go near the gift, then when I open up, got scary thing very near me and frighten me...'

She said

'Yes I understand what you said and can relate her actions from what you said.... but this time is real good ones... never harm you ones....'

I said

'But dont you think her changes too sudden already?'

She said

'Clarissa actually its not sudden, she has been told me a long time ago that she sincerely feel guilty to you, but she dont have the chance to express.... and she told me a lot of times already....'

I said

'Since when she started telling you? Since add math?'

She said

'Not add math... I think is roughly the time when you fly off to australia... she said she took spatula hit you and her daughter took wood.... start from that time lah... she keep on said she wants to say sorry to you, I also dont know why she keep on said like that until slightly later when she told me more about her dogs... and said she took knife chop your hair only I realized the reason why she keep on said she want to say sorry to you... because you also never tell me what happen mah, then I just very curious why she keep on said like that to me lo....'

I said

'I think this is the sign of ageing, she had walked till the elder stage already.... because last time our psychology got learned about human psychological development, 55+ years old is the age of reflection, like my father, last time he always said he got no time... keep saying own self no time, office very busy all those... now he keep on said he wants to come Australia... want to spend more time with family instead of business.... last time our psychology got learned, 55+ years old is the age of trying to get back what they missed in past, means age of regret.... then until around age 70 is the age of think themselves as worthless, because they think they almost die already, so they think they are worthless.... my father and me is quite clever in analysing people's behavior.... because we got high knowledge and studied a lot....'

She said

'Yes yes yes! Its true its true... education level defines knowledge and maturity... like just now you said that Jimmy Gan very weird... through message interaction only you also can analyze out his oddness. Clever ah you!'

I said

'I clever? Means he really is weird ones? Hahaha! He really is weird ones ah? How is person? You knew him?'

Datin said

'I never talk to him before, but I saw his pattern and face in school, I also got felt he is weird before you tell out, but just now Pn Lye was around, I dont want talk so much.'

I said

'How weird he is?'

She said

'I felt like he very scared of me lo... dont dare to approach me and dont dare make eye contact with me....'

I said

'Or he do something behind you so he dont dare look at you?'

Datin said

'NO no no.... he never do anything behind me, that is why I said he very weird, dont dare to make eye contact to me unreasonably....'

I said

'You are saying the same thing as what I said about Pn Lye just now, never make eye contact very weird right? That is why I keep on asked you why today Pn Lye so weird? She look very shy and darent look at me most of the time, she is much more unresponsive today... got a bit down down like that... today pengetua scolded her is it?'

Datin said

'Pengetua never scold her.'

I said

'Then what happened? Why today she weird weird ones? You and Ah lee never feel meh?'

Datin laughed and said

'Hahaha! Both of you keep on feel this feel that towards each other, ah lee and me feel hungry only....we eating all the way....'

I said

'Seriously, you never feel she is weird today meh? Like very shy like that... I also dont know what she shy... or I wrote her neurotics and post-natal depression ones, so she very shy?'

Datin said

'No, she not shy about that, if she shy about that, how dare she showed us to read? And she saw you wrote like that, she keep on hahahaha like that....'

I said

'Then? What else shy some more? what I did wrongly? I really dont know.... you all never feel very obvious meh? Even I gong gong ones also can feel, I dont believe you all cant feel....'

Datin said

'Got lah.... all of us can feel her shyness lah....'

I said

'What I did wrongly?  I really dont know...'

Datin asked

'You really want to know why she shy?'

I nodded my head and said

'Hmmmm..... you just tell me, because I dont know social cues ones... I dont know what I did wrongly to make her shy....'

Datin said

'You never did wrongly, because she is the one who did wrongly to you, so she very shy.'

I said

'Dont bluff! This got what thing to shy? Or you showed her the forgiven list I gave you, so she very shy? Tell me honest....'

Datin said

'No, I swear! I really never show her.... because I want she tell me herself what she did to you, so I dont want show her...'

I said

'Then what she shy? Very weird....'

Datin said

'Just because she think she sorry to you so very shy lah....'

I said

'Impossible, why sorry will shy?'

Datin said

'You imagine if you beat a person until like that, treated her badly for years and she still be nice to you, treated you to eat, not shy ah?'

I said

'Will shy ones meh? what meaning? I dont know....'

Datin said

'Ok just like hung kiat's mother everyday abused him from since young until big, you suddenly asked hk bought Chanel perfume for her, her mum not shy ah?'

I said

'Oh ya hor! Also the same shy reaction, her mum darent look at him.... why ah? What meaning?'

Datin said

'Shy lah.... because you treat people bad, but people treat you good.'

I laughed and said

'Hahahaha! How I know? Because I just think both negatives sides wont produce a positive outcome, so just let one side be positive, at least there is chance to let the situation becomes positive,  because positive and negative side produce become neutral...'

Datin said

'yes yes its true its true....'

I said

'But I feel like I am making people paiseh now, because I never think of people will paiseh at all, I thought people treat me bad, but I still treat that person good, that person will never bully me any more. Just like I I told you even my sis treated me badly since young, but I still returned her in good way, hk's mum treated him badly, but I still asked hk bought Chanel perfume for her.That's it.'

Datin said
'I knew, I knew you never think until so far, I knew your person is like that ones.... because you are innocent, but surely people will got that kind of embarrass feeling, like hk's mum like that lah, after hk bought perfume for her, she avoided him because too shy to face him, it just like the feeling you everyday bully someone and that person still treated you very good, you not paiseh ah?'
I said
'Not paiseh lah! You see that day I super normal.... never paiseh ones....'
Datin laughed and said
'hahaha! Dont know who act like ostrich, keep on hide under the table and hide behind me.'
I laughed and said
'Hahaha! I paiseh also paiseh first 10 minutes, but she paiseh until went back home, I think now she still paiseh at home ones.... sat in her house sofa and keep quiet, because she paiseh until now....'

She said
'Oh forgot told you already, she said her husband's mum angry her because she supposed to fetch her to clinic but she late.'
I said
'Her husband's mum? That lim kim neo ah? I tell you, I saw that lim kim neo face in facebook, her face look like bian tai bian tai ones... last time hk also said.... initially we still thought that is her mum, because got that kind of printed face, that kind of evil smile and slanting eyes... after that when you told me her mum died already, but still saw got lim kim neo's face in facebook, then I knew lim kim neo is her husband mother already.... how's her person? I saw her face also got that type of bian tai face... next time I screenshot and show you....'



Datin said
'Ah ah ah! Face can see out hor.... her husband's mother very fierce ones know?'
That time due to catching flight,
I can't heard clearly what Datin said due to loud engine sounds,
I said
'Har! What ah? You said fierce or not fierce?'
She said
'Fierce....'
I said
'Anah! I saw her face in facebook also got bian tai face ones... that time hk and me still thought is pn lye's mum because their face too look alike already.... eyes small small and lips thin thin....'
Datin said
'Ya la ya la! Can see out hor... She told me her husband's mum very violence ones....'
I said
'Har! Will beat people ones ah?'
Datin said
'will will....'
I said
'Har! Then if pn lye late, she will beat pn lye ones or not?'
Datin said
'She wont beat pn lye, but she very emotionally abusive.... like just now what I told you lo... get angry Pn Lye when Pn Lye late fetched her.'
I said
'Walao... so small matter only.... But what time go clinic also same ones mah... only that 30 minutes difference.... not say wont fetch her also....'
Datin said
'Ya la.... that's why I said she is emotional abusive ones.... purposely find fault like that lah....'
I said
'Ohhhh... I saw her face from facebook, can see out got that type bian tai face, but I never think of she's violence ones.... that is why I told you a family background is very important, this is also a reason why I separated with hk, because I knew no matter how I cant get married with him because his mum got Pn Lye's shadow... next time if I really get married with him and enter his family very susah ones... because her mum got psychotic, I need to consider a lot of problems like will she abused my child or will she emotionally abused me, ask me do this and that all those... ask me to cook and find fault on me all those... of course now she still treated me very good because Im still an outsider, but I think if I get married with hk already, everything will come already....'
Datin said
'Yes yes yes! Luckily you are clever to breakup with hk first, this kind of jia po very dangerous ones... from just now what you predicted, all came out on Pn Lye.... like you said ask you to cook and find fault on you all that lah....'
I said
'Why she own self dont know cook meh? And Pn lye very close with her meh? Why she wants to ask pn lye cook? Pn Lye's husband is the only child meh? He dont have other sibling's wife meh?'
datin said
'Got other sibling's wife lah, but she always find fault on pn lye, so when nobody cooks for her, pn lye kena go her house cook for her....'
I said
'Ya la... once we saw her face we already knew she's that kind of bian tai face... hahaha hk's first reaction was Yerrrrr.... and frown his eyebrow... he first saw her also he said can see out got that type of face....'
Datin said
'Ya la... face can see out hor... then me leh? I'm what type of face?'
I said
'You ah... once people saw your face, will give people a type of feeling that you are very kind..... like amitofo face hahaha.... got that type of hok ki....'
Datin said
'Ya lo ya lo... a lot people also described my face as what you said, said I got hok ki....'
I said
'Ya la... your face shape got that type of kindness... like me, the first impression of my face to everyone is innocent, once people saw my face, they will said I look very innocent....'


Datin laughed and said
'Hahaha jiu shi lo jiu shi lo... agree agree.... you look very innocent... dont know why ah....'
I said
'Like Pn Lye's face... last time dont know why from every angle picture of her, she will definitely look very bian tai, no matter from side or from in front, serious or smiling... she will still have that kind of bian tai face... but now, dont know why her face became pity type and more towards kind type already.... dont you think so?'
Datin laughed and said
'Hahahaha ya lo ya lo... Annie also realized, got one day Annie suddenly told me: Eh dont you think that Pn Hau changed already? Whole face get older and pale, look very pity now....'
I said
'YA la... dont know how to describe, but face can see out... last time her eyes small small will feel very bian tai, but now her eyes small small, will feel very pity... look like cried for a long time only her eyes get swollen. Like last time you all went ramada eat dim sum with her, her eyes extremely small, look very pity, looked like cried for a long time already then take picture.'
She said
'ya la ya la... how come you so smart ones? That time she cried... then after that only took picture...'
I said
'Why she cried?'
She said
'That time talked about you lo, then she said she not purposely ones all those.... something like that, then she cried....'
I said
'But got so many people there, she dare to cried in front them meh?'
She said
'No, that time those people went down get things, only left two of us and another auntie like that... then only she dare to cried...'
I said
'Ya la face can see out how's a person character ones... my father also got told me before, he said he already survived in this world many years, he said once he saw the face, he can know what type of person is that person... whether cheater face or kind face or bad people face....'
Datin said
'Its true its true... like one person everyday depress, that person will look very sad and weird weird like that, but if one person everyday smile like you, then can see out is innocent or happy go lucky type ones....'





I said
'Then I guessed correct already? That Lim Kim Neo also got bian tai ones ah? Why you said she violence?'
Datin said
'Ya la... she blah blah blah blah blah....'
Due to the loud engine voice of the aircraft,
I really can't hear what Datin said,
then I said
'Ehhhh now I going to get up the flight already, I cant hear what you said, when I reach Australia only I call you, because the plane wing just beside me, really too loud already...'






However,
I'll keep these forever accordingly to wherever I am.