Impulsive

So impetuously, 

I feel like pierce a sword through my stomach and say good bye to this world,

I distrusted those scenes and I believed my true flashbacks, 

I can't trust her kindness any more and I believed my instinct.

Certainly, 

she built happiness when someone is going through plenty of sadness,

when I vividly recalled her last evil smile, 

I truly believed that she's intended to harmed me as she didn't remorse at all.

I being cheated by her camouflage, I knew she's disguising,

sigh...

seems like a leopard cannot change its spots.

I'm so depress now,

feel like extremely wanna leave this world and saying no good bye to anyone.

Technically, I'm so stupid,

somehow when people just put on a mask and spoke to me in an 'opposite' manner,

I will put on my plastic smile; talked to them with no doubts and assumed them as my best friend.

When all is said and done,

she is still my enemy.

Today,

Kaima asked me to trust her,

she said

'Actually, I knew her for many years already, she is not that kind of person as you think, because you got trauma to her so you will feel fear of her without reasons, I think you should see her face more so that you wont scared of her in one day, I think because the frequency you see her face not much so you will scared of her... so... (havent complete her sentence).'

I straight cut off her conversation by saying

'No, I dont want, I dont want... I dont want see her... I cannot see her... I very scared, I scared to see her face....'

Kaima said 

'Ni kan ni kan... I said already... because you got that kind of fear towards her, so you like that again...'

I said

'No I really scared, I dont want see her... Once I see her face, I will feel very horrible, when we talked about her I wont got any reaction, but when I see her face, I will become over fearful, because the feeling is just like when I see her face, feel like that face is coming to me and wanna attack me again. Because every time when she seen me, she was either holding a dog or holding a weapon, so when I imagined I see her face, I will very scared and if in real scene I see her, I will automatic run away even she never holds anything.'

In my deep down,

I never tell Kaima but I knew that I already gave her a chance to tell the truth,

but she didn't wants to tell me the truth and keep answering me

'I never' and 'I forgot already'.

So,
I think there's no necessary for us to have conversation any more,

because a one and only chance had been given,

it's her own issue that she had missed the opportunity to explains,

she is the one who refused to tell me what she knew as well as what I wanted to hear,

she is the one who witnessed the way I refrained my psychological pain but entertained it with smile,

she is the one who let time passed but justify nothing.

Well, at this moment,

I could only left unhappiness and remorse to myself,

I need not the chance any more.

My ears had been shut and start from today onwards I don't accept any explanations any more...