Nightmarish reminder

25-11-2009

Literally,

 its a nightmarish reminder of a particular event which happened in my life.

It would stimulate my emotions deeply whenever the flashbacks crossed my mind.

I do not wish to recall it,

nonetheless nightmare contents often reminded me to be hypervigilance,

I don't really know whether this reminder is a sort of unrealistic illusion or the forthcoming truth.

Sherryn told me it was my own perception, but she did not says that its misconception.

Perhaps,

it's neither both of them.

Whenever the torturous flashbacks appeared in mind,

I would truly felt out that kind of physical pain still with me,

it's the exactly same breed of pain which I felt on that particular moment.

Maybe,

this feeling proven to me that I have not forgotten the pain and that particular unpleasant memories,

so that I could exactly perceived that kind of 'on-bench' traumatic pain.

Whenever that part of memory strike my brain,

I would rolled down my salty tears uncontrollably,

even last time when chatting with Sherryn,

Sherryn just slightly touched on the sensitive topic,

I even unconsciously cried again when she mentioned that part of memory,

I believed it's the factor that maybe I still haven't get rid of that shadow,

so I still hold grudges to her.

Despite I have tried my best to treated her positively,

but my heart often opposed to my warm intention.

The sense of resentment keep on against me and the daily nightmares repeatedly remind me to be aware of her; especially her kind intention.

All sorts of related news in newspaper; audio as well as visual in my sight always touch on that part of unpleasant memories in my mind.

I do not know what to do,

that is why I asked Sherryn in a very sudden way

'I just dont want someone to harm me got so difficult?'

Sometimes,

I feel like I blurt out some phrases without think twice or without really stand in someone's shoes,

because I always thought that my direct asking way may immediately feed my current doubts.

Well,

hope this Sunday wouldn't disappoint my trust to her.

So tired now, going to bed soon,

it's time to replenish my complexion.

today,

there's two persons saying the same thing in different time,

they said

'What what what happened to you? Why your face suddenly looked so wan and sallow? Suddenly popped out so many pimples and why your dark circles went until down there already? Originally your dark circles until here 1....'

It sounds like I having a strange face now :(

I even laughed and respond in a humorous way

'Got people determine the level of dark circle from how down ones meh? Not how dark?'

LOL!

When I said like that,

everyone keep laughing my joke.

Okay!

Lastly I would like to put a few hashtags here before I hop onto my bed.