Puzzled

It still hard for me to figure out why such a kind person would done such unpredictable actions?

It's indeed a puzzled in my mind,

her appearance suddenly looked so kind in certain clips,

but the hard thing for me to understand is why she would treated me so cruel?

The cruel actions still have not fully get rid from my mind,

I do not know why,

I thought I had learnt to forgive.

Now,

I'm in the process of learning to forget,

but I do not know who else could teach and show me this process.

I really need someone who experienced the same kind of things as me to teach me how to walk through this tough stage.

However,

as long as there's somebody mentioned about the 'reminder' of the trauma,

whenever a word of 'math', 'add math', 'november', 'violence', 'forget' and 'forgive' crossed my mind,

I would burst into tears without think twice,

I don't really know where this emotions came from,

but I just cried that way unconsciously,

 I had tried my best to restrain all those negative emotions in public,

but still failed at the end.

No matter it's a function dinner, beach, computer pool or at home,

I would still feel the sadness no matter wherever I am and would eventually cried in public without self-control.

I guessed she wouldn't knows how pathetic and sorrowful is my life after the incident,

and the fact is I wouldn't let her know....

Perhaps,

just like what Sherryn said,

when I asked her

'Pn lye can forgot things on the next day if she wants?'

She answered me

'Nope. That is lost of memory. She just choose to forget and forgive.'

And a part of another reason,

just like what Kaima said,

I'm just too young to bear all these because I still have a lot of things have not experience.