Reviewed those memories

by Unknown - 12:36 am

When I trying to review my FACEBOOK photos,

I realized Emily and me had too much photos!

All the photos are so ridiculous and made me laughed loudly in front of the computer,

certainly those are vivid memories between us and can't be deleted,

that proven our 6 years friendship that we didn't quarrel at all,

perhaps agreeable thinking from both parties make up the peace friendship,

Among the those pictures,

I found out we really did a lot of unimaginable silly things! LOL!

But still,

those are the precious memories :)

I feel like besides than her, I dare not do such things in front of others.

I guessed this is what so called a best friend,

a best friend is someone you do not need to care about your image in front of that particular person,

yet I have too much worries if compared to past,

I wish to go back those moment where we laughed without limit despite people around were starring awkwardly at us.

Now,

both of us have our respective tensions,

for her, after the breakup, she is entirely changed;

1 month did not touch Instagram at all and till now she dare not to play Facebook any more,

I don't know what's the reason but she has her own belief about the breakup.

Due to the breakup, she cried a lot, depressed a lot but at the same time grown up a lot.

For me, my problem has began earlier than her,

after the trauma of seventeen, I began to changed a lot,

my facebook remain unchanged, but my blog's stories were entirely changed;

since that incident, I began to cried a lot as normally I would not,

I began to socially withdrawn; I just feel like I have no mood to see or talk to anyone,

I just want to keep quiet alone in my bedroom,

everyday stay at home and didn't go to class till the lecturer even told me that she didn't seen me in class before!

My attendance is only ticked once or twice throughout the semester,

my grades were gradually slipped down throughout the year,

from B to failed; during the exam,

the traumatic flashbacks hunt me all the way, I burst into tears in the public and couldn't write about any equations at all.

By slowly,

I can't eat at all for the following everyday, when mommy fed me for the third spoon of rice,

I even vomited without any reason.

Every night, I gradually developed insomnia,

I began to sleep later and later,

from the early stage of 2am to 3am,

and from the middle stage of 3am to 4am,

and worst stage is I everyday slept around 5am.

The condition is getting serious day by day,

after I gone through all these stages,

the traumatic flashback began to turn into hallucination which I could felt the previous repetitive thinking became a sort of real pain on myself,

inexplicable weeping when I felt the real pain on my leg which actually has been over in a year ago,

my sleep is disturbed by this trauma,

when I lying on bed in the midnight,

I could heard her ultra-vivid actual sound calling me or heard the ambulance siren sound repetitively,

when I heard the sounds; I would woke up from bed, walked out my bedroom,

at the moment when I walked towards the direction of the source of the sound,

the amplitude of the sounds will gradually become lighter and eventually cease,

when I hear no sound any more, I will walked back to my bedroom and continue my sleep,

but at the time when I lie back on bed, the sound will repetitively start again.

This is how I experienced my every night after 6 months of the incident,

daddy mommy did not know what had happened on me until after 1 year later,

daddy saw my blog by his own way and I don't know how he got it,

he keep quiet and continued to read silently,

until around 1 year half,

Pn Lye phoned him and said I always round her house;

she claimed that the frequency I round is getting serious day by day.

The first time when daddy confronted me about why I round Pn Lye house,

I keep quiet and tell him nothing,

but he told me frankly and said

'I actually knew what happened, daddy had saw your blog. From what Pn Lye told me, now I can relate your current actions with what the incident you had gone through.'

I cried and said nothing.

Daddy asked me

'How she beat you until like that ones? The whole leg one line one line!'

I cried and said

'Never how also lah, just keep beating only then become like that already.'

Daddy asked

'Why you dont want tell me after the day she beaten you? I can straight go and find her mah... You see you didnt tell, until like that, you become so serious already, who to blame?'

I said

'I since young also nobody will care what had happened on me, you so busy in work, mama also, if I say also both of you think small matter and dont care ones.'

Daddy said

'What small matter? Beat until like that we how come will say small matter?'

I said

'Even tell also cannot how, since beat already means beat already, I tell out also cannot become never beat.'

Daddy said

'How can you said like that? If the first time she beat you, I straight go and find her, she sure dont dare beat you on the second time ones, if she beat you for the first time, you hegeh hegeh and never tell out, she also hegeh hegeh lo... she think nothing happen on her then she just continue beat you on the following time lo....'

I said

'I dont know, she normally wont beat me until like that ones so I just dont care, she normally just one day beat me once or twice ones...'

Daddy said

'Shen mo? She everyday also got beat you?'

I said

'Hmmmm....'

Daddy said

'Heng! Jia lat!'

I keep quiet and dont know what to say.

Daddy said

'I really dont understand how she beat you until like that ones? Whole leg cane marks...'

I said

'She dont want let me run away and keep on caned my leg, I stopped her, she dont care.'

Daddy said

'She caned you like that in front her daughter ah?'

I said

'Hmmmm... her daughter also got caned me....'

Daddy said

'Her daughter also caned you together with her??'

I said

'Hmmmm.... yi ren da yi xia...'

Daddy said

'Heng! Teruk ! Then got who saw or not? I want to phone and ask clearly!'

I said

'No, that time everyone went back already because that time after exam all got own cars awaiting outside.'

He said

'Heng! This kind of people very clever in taking advantage! Then who come and fetch you that day?'

I said

'Mama... I wait her from 4:30 pm until around 6 something only she came.'

He said

'Then besides than beat you, she got said anything to you or not?'

I said

'No ... she never talk to me, just beat me only. I very painful, nobody wants to care me.'

He said

'At there langsung one person also dont have?'

I said

'Initially still got people, but late a bit then dont have already... means 4:30pm exam just end still got people, they took their bags walked out the school, then around 5:00 pm like that totally nobody already... then she dont care me keep beating me, nobody come and save me.'

He said

'You never scream?'

I said

'No... I just kicked only because my leg automatic kick ones because my leg very painful and she dont want care me and continue beat.'

He said

'I dont understand what she dont care you? What are you talking about?'

I said

'She dont care me means she dont want to care whether my leg painful or not painful, she just continued beat me until she boring only she stopped.'

Daddy said

'She told you she boring?'

I said

'No, I said myself ones... because she never beat me already then I think she might be boring already so she just never beat already.'

Daddy said

'Besides than leg, she got hit your head or not?'

I said

'No, she dont care my head. Because she was sitting, I was standing, so she not enough height to hit until my head so only she hit my leg. So she just hit wherever is convenient to her. So she just hit my leg because is convenient for her that direction, she stand in front of me, my eyes facing her and her eyes facing me, and her daughter stand on my left side and dont care me. Looked with the folded arms and dont want to help at all...'

Daddy asked me

'Then she knows you go her house because of that incident?'

I said

'I never tell her so she dont know and she forgot the incident already so she just thought I go for fun only. I never mention about that to her and she also never mention about that to me so far.'

Daddy said

'Then some more leh?'

I said

'No more, I remembered like this only.'

Daddy said

'Heng! This kind of people really take advantage ones... very clever in finding target!'

I said

'Then hor, after she beat me like that hor, after a few days, I still got one last exam mah... seni exam, I dont dare sit at the bench any more, I went in the lobby there and sit on the sofa... that sofa is single ones so she cannot sit beside me... that hor, she stand in front of me and thinking to beat me like that again you know?'

Daddy said

'How you know she wants to beat you again?'

I said

'Because she keep looking at me mah, then I knew she wants to beat me lah! Then I dont dare look at her because I know if I look at her she will beat me again ones, then after a few minutes hor, she walked out to the bench there and both of her hand put on the waist and think to beat me some more!'

Daddy said

'No lah... you might be traumatize by that day and thinking too much...'

I said

'Really! She got asked me again, she said: Eh! You want me beat you like that day again?... She looked at me very fierce and I very scared because I never do anything wrong and she suddenly want to beat me again, I dont want looked at her, then awhile she walked away already... but I saw she went to the bench there and both of her hands put on her waist and plan to kill me!'

Daddy said

'No lah! You are thinking too much! What thing shou cha yao means want to beat you again, no such thing!'

I said

'Really ! She really wants to beat me again! I saw she walked back to that place and both of her hand put on her waist, means thinking what to do... like sometimes when we thinking, our hands will put on waist ones mah... so when I saw her hand put like that on her waist I knew she wants to beat me again! She is planning to kill me! Because last time she got told me before she wants to kill me, one time at canteen, the basin there... and another time outside dewan!'

Daddy said

'How she told you?'

I said

'She told me lo... she said: You want me to kill you or not? Means she got long term planning ones... she really wants to kill me ones... until the last day she beat me like that because she wants to kill me mah... last time outside Dewan, she told me: You want me cane you until blood and straight die away?... And then after she said like that, the last day she really keep on cane my leg, because she wants to cane me until blood and make me straight die away... she really got plan to kill me ones... if not early early she also wont say like that to me, she said already then only things happened ones! Really !'