Vividly recalled conversation with Datin at Ramada,

Datin told me that Pn Lye's new house only got my bedroom size,

I asked her seriously? How come? How you know?

She said

'I went your house before mah... so I knew the size lah... is true... her whole house is only your bedroom size only, very far away from town but its in melaka.'

I said

'Got sell so small ones?'

Datin even said

'Its not small, its your bedroom big. Hahahahaha!'

I said

'Har.... why she so pity? She bought how much?'

Datin said

'Rm100K only... 3 bedroom 1 bathroom.'

I said

'But 3 bedrooms how come can equal to my one bedroom only?'

She said

'Because her bedroom can fit one small bed only... so its like 3 rectangular bedroom.... imagine half  of your bedroom cut into 3 room and another half of your bedroom cut into two which divided into kitchen and living room, and she got one toilet is half of your toilet.'

I said

'Eiiii.... oh like that cha bu duo normal single teres lah... because I recalled last time my father said our house is equal to 10 teres long.... so my bedroom is roughly 1 teres lo.... cha bu duo lah like that...'

Datin said
'Ya la.... because last time my husband did construction ones... so I can roughly estimated how many metre square... so I only I can say that her house is only equal to your bedroom size....'

I said
'Then her old house?'
She said
'She sold away her old house lah....'
I said
'Why dont want give her children? Next time her children can get married there mah...'
She said
'Her children also dont want....'
I said
'Ya lo! Why you said the same thing as hung kiat? Last time I also asked Hung Kiat... I asked him do u think her old house will give her children or sell it? He said 100% will sell it... then I asked him why.... he said house like that who wants? I think her children also dont want.... then Hung Kiat said let say next time if we want to get married, I ask you get married at my old house you want or not? So small and old... sure dont want ones mah... Funny~! We called his son Elson, because his facebook name is Elson... then Hung Kiat response was : I think the house give Elson for free, Elson also dont want! hahahaha!'
Datin said
'Ya la.... Hung Kiat also knew hahaha... that's mean hung kiat got plan to married with you that is why he think of this question before....'
I said
'Hung kiat said he will buy new house maybe semi D or banglo when we get married....'
Datin said
'Ya la... like your ama where got stay with your father? Sure old people stay alone ones....'
I said
'Eh.... you see.... now her children all in KL... like everyone avoided her... then some more now I keep hurried her shift away, she will feel sad or not? Will she think everyone either avoid her or chase her away ? Like now I chase her away, keep ask her ni zhou lah ni zhou lah like that....'
Datin said
'Will lah... she will sad ones... you see you keep ask her when she shift.... she will feel like everyone abandon her like that....'
I feel sad and said
'Har.... very pity leh... ok lah... next time I dont say ask her shift edi lah... I dont hurry her already, let her own self shift lah....'
Datin said
'Ya la... Huay Ching, now I tell you, even you cannot forgive her, but you assumed as pity her lah...'
I cried and nodded my head,
I said
'I still will go her house until she shift, but I wont go disturb her any more....'
She said
'Yes... I know if ask you suddenly forget or ask you suddenly dont go, you cant make it.... but you also assumed as pity her.... I tell you, Pn Lye is a person who dont know road... she only know how to travel from her house to school and from school back to home only... in order to find you and apologize to you... I think she sure ask more than 10 people in school how to go ramada ones... you never see she so late only reach ah? Just now I called Hung kiat... is almost 3pm....'
I even cried and laughed at the same time because I think she is too pity,
I get shocked and said
'What??!!!! Ramada also she dont know at where? Ramada is the only 5 stars hotel in melaka leh!'
Datin said
'Ya la! Ramada also she dont know how to come! You can know how pity is her or not.... because she never socialize ones.... so she everyday stay at home only, go school go back go school go back only...'
I laughed and asked
'Then Jusco she knew or not?'
Datin laughed and said
'Jusco she knew! Hahaha besides than go school, she only knew jusco only... if she dont know jusco then she no need eat no need survive edi hahahaha!'
I said
'Har.... then she not stupid than me? People told me where is her house, once I heard, I already can go by my own self....'
Datin said
'Ya la! Because some people is like that ones, cannot remember road ones....'
I said
'Yes yes yes! My mum also like that ones.... my mum go anywhere new must bring me ones... if not once she go, she cannot go back ones hahaha! But I got inherited from my father... my father knew a lot of short cut short cut, and whatever road also he knew... I also... sometimes even the road I never use before, I can agak agak the geography location, I knew go which path come out is which side.... even kampung kampung road also I knew ones....'
Datin said
'Ya la... you are born to lucky.... but Pn Lye is road nerd.... she dont know road at all, because last time she stay at Muar kampung ones... she came to melaka only knew how to travel to school only....'
i asked
'Why never socialize means dont know road?'
Datin said
'Because she never socialize means she never come out, she never comes out means dont know road.... you never see you everyday go her house no matter morning or afternoon or night also she got at home ones.... because she dont know road at all.... cannot go out... some more go out means spend money... go out need fuel mah... so she very thrifty... everything also she wants to save.... so she everyday stay at home... you see you so rich, just want to go KL high tea, ask your driver purposely fetch you from melaka to KL and from KL back to melaka.... for her, where got so much fuel money?'
I said
'Har.... she very pity leh... then last time your son wedding how she went? She knew lu yue yuan meh?'
Datin said
'Her brother's wife fetch lo.... she go anywhere also her brother's wife fetch ones... I tell you, last time she wants to go Kuala, your father new project that site... I stayed at melaka raya, also I go down bukit beruang fetched her from my house.... and go up kuala some more.... and then from kuala fetched her back to home and go back my house at melaka raya... you are the person who knows road, you know how far is that....'



I shouted
'walao! You very good leh.... you this friend very good....'
Datin said
'Ya la... a lot person also said I am a very sincere friend....'
I said
'Siao meh? You go from melaka raya to bukit beruang and to kuala? Then back from kuala to bukit beruang to your house? Walao! Last time my driver fetched my father and me from office to Kuala also need 1 hour and half.... you still go her house fetch some more??!!! You very good leh!'
Datin said
'Ya la! That is why Pn Lye very appreciated me because we are friends of 23 years.... every feng feng yu yu also I helped her ones.... even last time her mum also my son cure her.... some more last time 1994 year, her ovary got problem... she go operation also I am the one who stand beside her in hospital.... its the same thing as last time your mum operated....'
I said
'Wasehhhh... you very sincere helped friend leh.... I think you can become her savior edi....'
Datin said
'Ya lah! Then this morning after recess, around 10:45pm .... she suddenly cried and came in my room and said I harmed her, when I heard that I totally shocked you know.... because I treated her so good and she suddenly said I harmed her, I totally blanked and dont know what to say.... then she said 1997 years I nge nge ask her become discipline only she got today with you... she said if not me, she and you also dont have today... and say harm her let so many people hate her.... because last time when she became discipline... everyone said good and like her to be... because she very good in finding out... like our school CCTV just pasang, got people go and ao huai also she can find out who is the person... so very long time ago, last time cik yeow was discipline teacher before your batch, after that cik yeow got cancer only they choose one more people mah... then when pn lye became discipline from 1997-2007.... for that 10 years, a lot people think she do very good so continue let her do lo.... who knows until your batch, around start from 2007, by slowly a lot of students started to hate her already, because you know nowadays generation changed already... nowadays young people how can get scold? Scold a bit then start to dislike her already... some more nowadays generation, fierce a bit parents come over you....'
I said
'Last time before my batch not many people dislike her?'
She said
'Maybe got also not that much as compared to now lah... you see now so many people disliked her, I think among 10 students also got 5 students disliked... because generation changed already, nowadays young people all cannot get scold ones... some more you also know her character, so aggressive... who likes?'
I said
'ya lo ya lo... I simply asked people about her.... I asked 3 persons, Celeste  (now transferred to IJC already) and Adele Lee and Elaine tan....  got 2 persons dont like her... and 1 person like her.... means got 60-70% people dont like her....'
Datin said
'Ya la... that is why I said generation changed already... nowadays young people have to use different ways to educate... but she still the same mah.... so fierce.... you also know her... so now she said I harmed her let so many people dislike her....'
I said
'Ah and then... then when she said you harmed her became discipline teacher?? Then what you said?'
Datin said
'Then when I think back just think of oh ya hor.... when she never say I also totally forgot I am the one who ask her become discipline already.... because that time lack of discipline teacher mah... then that time pengetua ask me recommend her... then you also know her look very fierce, her hair and all those... very suitable become discipline mah... then I just told her can lah can lah... and submitted her name, who knows today she said I harmed her....'
I asked Datin
'Har.... pity leh... a lot people dont like her?'
Datin said
'Ya la... you see your friend Emily, Hung Kiat and so many students in GBS.... where got people like? So fierce....'
I said
'Who said discipline must be fierce? she cannot talk to people nicely and advice people dont like that dont like that meh?'
Datin said
'Ya la.... can lah.... that is why now she very good already, she changed a lot already, never simply scold people already... even Annie also told me she realized Pn Lye became good already....'
I said
'Anoh anoh! my ballet friend, Adele.... got one pengawas... she also told me Pn Lye very good and never scold people ones wor....'
Datin said
'Ya la.... now she very good already so you have to give her chance and trust her... I knew because previously she keep harmed you, so you have a psychological reaction to her that everything also she sure harm you ones... so its very hard to let you believe her she is sincere ones.... but you have to give her a chance, because you know I wont bluff you ones.... if I say she is good means she is good already... you cannot trust her but you can trust me....'
I said
'But I still very scared... you see last time I even get back a key also need to think twice you know? Like she already poisoned the key like that... My mind think dont know when my hand approach her she will put dog near me or what or not... means her every good intention to me, I will think twice... I will make sure really dont have thing in front or something like that only I dare to near her.... I tell you, one of the time when she said she wants to return me the key, my mind think sure bluffed ones... sure when I reach there she wants to harm me by put dog near me or what ones... I even think ok now I record a video before I walk there... later showed hung kiat.... you see! From my every single action already proven that all my insecure came from her every single actions of harming... got which time she never harmed me?... One of the time, she said you sit here then I return you the key, you think if it was Siew or Alex ask me do that, you think I need to think twice? She just asked me to sit there only, I even move from back seat to front seat also dont dare... her every actions also contained harm, you know how insecure I am or not? You think if was my father ask me to sit there, you think I need to think or not? Just like just now, when both of us reached, you said huay ching you sit here... I need to think or not? I straight sit as where you asked me to sit.... But if it was pn lye, I sure will think her action sure got schemes behind ones....'
Datin said
'Yes Huay Ching, I understand your meaning now, I can imagined the situation from what you said, I knew your insecure came from her previous actions... all these were actually many a little makes a mickle, so you would walked into this stage and had this thinking.... I knew its normal... but you have to trust pn lye once... her apologies has no motive... real ones.... she just wants to say only but not say want to gain any benefits ones.... you see today, she just wants to find you only... I am sure she keep asking staffs in school eh how to go ramada eh how to go ramada ones.... you never see she almost 3pm only she reached ah?? Because I never tell her how to come also.... and you see, today she go back so early, because she has to find the route to go back her house.... you see still give you ang pao... quickly we open we open now....'
I cried; smiled and shook my head!
Datin said
'Why? Dont want open?'
I said
'Dont want.... because I scared inside got write things....'
Datin said
'Write what thing?'
I said
'I scared write about add math....'
Datin said
'Open lah... ok I help you open... see got how much inside....'
I said
'I knew its RM5..... because last time my friend said her ang pao is 5 ringgit.... so I no need to open also I know....'
Datin said
'You open and see lah, you never open how you know?? Open now ok?'
I shook my head and said
'I accepted her ang pao is because I want her to go only I took, not because I want her ang pao....'
Datin said
'Dont like that lah.... open lah.... I help you open... quickly...'
I shook my head and said
'Dont want... i know inside sure got write things ones....'
She said
'Ok you dont dare to read, I help you read... so you wont see already....'
I passed my Ang Pao to Datin,
then Datin took out the money and said
'Waaaaaa..... is RM 100 leh......'
Then I even don't look at the money but smiled and looked in front,
Datin said
'Eh! Look here.... look at Pn Lye gives you RM 100.... you see new ones some more... purple color ones....'
Don't know why when I looked at the RM100 is new one,
I even smiled already.
*Initially sour face
Datin said
'She got write thing... you dont want to read ok never mind I help you read.... she wrote: Dear Huay Ching, I sincerely want to let you know that if I have offended you in whatever ways, I am very very sorry. Hope you will forgive and forget. Let bygones be bygones and move on. I sincerely apologize and hope we can be friends. I wish you all the best in your studies. Pn Lye.'





I don't know why when Datin began to read,
I already start rolling down my tears until like this,



but rolled with smile; because her words moved me.
Now, at this moment,
I keep on have a strong sense of guilt in my deep down for taking Pn Lye's RM100.
I keep on think that she already no money still gave me RM100,
Datin said her one month salary only got RM4600,
after deducted those income taxes only got RM4000,
 her monthly housing payment is RM1000,
so every month she used RM3000 to raised 3 kids and even sent her 3 children to universities.
Datin just told me her financial background and asked me to sympathize her if I do not want to forgive her,
Datin told me that please trust Pn Lye is a good person as she is a very sacrifice mother,
she said you see! She only got RM3000 to used per month,
still got petrol fuel to pay and car instalment to pay,
after deducted all those, I think she only got RM2000 to survive,
that is why she never go out at all,
save a little by little and even sent her child to UK study, where got such sacrifice mother?


Datin said
'You see your father sent you to Australia study also must think twice, what to say about her some more ?Some more her children clothes all she one person washed and iron ones.... some more her children's plates leh.... eat already must washed mah....'
I cried and said
'You said she sacrifice a lot for her children, then she never think before if I am either her son, Sherryn or Lye chuin li and let other people beat that way and so many times, how she feel? You dont know how sad is my parents going through this period with me... when I got slightly recovered, they happy till like kena toto like that... my mum would get excited and phoned Hung Kiat and told him that she very happy because I got happy a bit already... when I was down, my dad would sit alone and think how to help me, while my mum would cried for what I experienced and can't sleep.... after the add math incident happened, the more my parents worried my life at Australia, they keep on worried got people bullied me without their knowing, they even think of the homestay owner.... think she is good or bad... every time when I come back from Australia, she also beat me until so terrible, my mum got one time sampai cried in the morning and came my bedroom find me, she said she dreamed of got people bullied me, keep on kicked me and hit my head when I helped them to work in the restaurant... how to explained this? This is the consequences she brought to my family and me, you know because of the add math incident, I changed my future from engineering to journalism? My dream is in vain because of her. To avoid this dark shadow, I even run from malaysia to Australia study. I changed a lot in my life included my health, you know I have to one lifetime eat medicine? One day never eat medicine, I cant sleep one day. Then when I cannot forget the past, I went back to her house, let her beat again. Dont you think its very pathetic and suffering? You say she is a sacrifice mother.... but why she did that to me? If she is my mum, she can sacrifice as what my parents sacrifice now?'
Datin said
'Yes, Huay Ching... listen to me, actually she also got told me if she is your mother or if you are her child, means she also got think before, that is why she feel bad for herself and sincerely wants to apologize to you.... but you keep on distrust her good.... I tell you, I am just like her husband, she wont talk fake things to me... she told me she is real sorry means real sorry... maybe she told other teacher she is real then that one different saying.... that one you can distrust her... but she really wont bluff me ones.... because we are 23 years friends....'






However,
I still do feel sorry and guilty for taking her RM100,
sometimes when I looked at that RM100, I would keep crying,


because I keep thinking she already no money still wants to give me RM100,
for her, I do think that RM 100 can do a lot of things, such as buying new year biscuits.
Therefore,
I really hate for owing someone,
now I even think of I took her RM 100 means own self harm own self,
now I am creating dilemma for myself,
I knew I can't never go her there but still took her RM 100,
its like the feeling people treat you good but you treat people bad.
I am actually suffering in this circumstance,
I knew I can't make it but I still took people's money.
It's the meaning you already took people's money still going?
I really hate myself sometimes,
I hate myself for making myself difficult as well as making others difficult :(


I knew I am bad,
but hope God can forgive my bad as I am really suffering now.
I am struggling for owing someone,
I feel like I am not supposed to take that RM100,
I feel like I am going to return her that RM 100,
but I am afraid that I couldn't control myself,
I afraid that once I go her there I will start disturb, start pressing the bell,
so I am actually emotional suffering right now,
since Friday until now, besides than having meal,
I stayed in my bedroom all the way since morning till night and never go out.
These few days,
daddy and mommy were in KL since Friday.
Mommy keep phoned back to home and asked maid where I am and what I did.
I guessed maid told her in bedroom all the way.
She is actually worrying me a lot and think I am emotionally unstable,
so I keep myself in room and didn't go out for few days since morning till night.
I am pretty sure that she told everyone that I am emotionally unstable and told everyone not to bother me,
included my brother who currently in Thailand. LOL!
I am pretty sure she told everyone + maid that I am emotionally unstable and locked myself in room for few days!


Indeed,
 I afraid once I go out from my bedroom,
I would think of go Pn Lye there and enhanced my inner guilt.
At the same time,
I am guilty for taking her RM 100,
when I saw the RM 100, I keep crying because I do not know what to do.
I wish to put it back to her mailbox, but I afraid she will knows I put it back and think I do not give her face.


Yet,
I am actually suffering in this dilemma.
I keep blaming myself for people already no money still took people's RM100,
but the fact is I thought its a normal Ang Pao like RM5.
Yes! I am this kind of people who feel guilts easily or without any reason,
just a bigger Ang Pao then I would think I waste people's money and cried for 2 days.








I keep thinking that RM 100, people can buy new year biscuits for mother in law,
but now wasted on me :(
Surely,
that RM100 has no benefits for me, because I do have a lot of it.
I really feel bad for myself,
perhaps,
I  really should practise despite unforgiven but sympathize her.




Yet,
I still don't know why I still can't trust someone who always harmed and hurts me in past,
when I recalled of Pn Lye said
'You always dont want believe and think people bluffed you, people harmed you....'
certainly, the situation is only applied on her,
but I still do think myself as weird.
Therefore,
I even asked Google why I am so weird that I can't trust and how to trust?





Actually, on that Friday,
I already had 50% preparation that Pn Lye would came as I keep thinking Datin sure will Pakat with Pn Lye.
The only thing that I afraid is she would talk about add math day and make both of us walk back to past,
I even tried my best to avoid this situation by calling Hung Kiat tomorrow must come! cannot never come!
Some more ask Vivian must come!
Because I think if other people around then she might be embarrass to talk about it,
so only I tell Hung Kiat he must come!
The first time when I met Datin,
I planned it in Secret Recipe,
because I think Pn Lye would think secret recipe is expensive then she wouldn't come.
Now, my worries in heart is even exaggerating,
I even think
'Actually secret recipe also not that expensive, the most she just order one drink and sit down only... one drink the most also RM 10.... cannot cannot... must make it in hotel to avoid her coming... hotel sure she wont come ones...'
After twice secret recipe,
I even make it in Majestic hotel for the previous time,
and this time I already made it in Ramada hotel I still worry that Pn Lye would came,
I even cried and phone Hung Kiat and asked
'Do you think Pn Lye tomorrow will come? I very scared she will come....'
He asked
'At where?'
I said
'Ramada....'
He said
'Wont lah... so expensive... I think sure she think aiya so expensive, dont want lah....'
I said
'But buffet only RM45++.....'
He said
'Rm 45++ for her considered expensive already... because for poor people, eat one time RM 45++ they think very expensive already.... so dont worry lah... I think she wont come ones....'
I said
'How if she comes??? I very scared.... I scared I cry out in front of her when she talk about past.... or you think make it upstairs? Upstairs restaurant?'
He said
'Upstairs restaurant ala carte ones... very expensive ones... one dish already RM 40-50....  you rather go down stair eat buffet, Rm 45++ or RM 55++ only... plus can eat until full....'
I said
'But downstairs a lot staffs know me because I always go there eat ones....'
He said
'You sit inside lah... dont sit near center lobby there....'
I said
'Oh ya hor! ok ok! I just scared I cry out in front of pn lye only... and also scared got people who knows me saw I cry... I think tomorrow I better dont wear false eyelashes and dont put bottom mascara... just put upper layer mascara enough... if not later tears come out then whole eyes will became black black.... and if cry then the false eyelashes will drop out....'
Hung Kiat even laughed and said
'Zha dao! Scared own self cry until got such make up preparation... funny! You said dont put bottom mascara and dont put false eyelashes.... hahahaha! But dont so scared lah, I think she wont comes ones....'
I said
'Why? But I think she will comes... I scared Datin pakat with her, because Datin got ask me whether I want her to comes or not then I said dont want... but I still scared Datin will bluffed me....'
He said
'I still think wont lah.... she dont scared you naik gila in hotel meh? Like when see her then run away or scream?'
I said
'Wont lah... I wont until like that... a lot people at there, how dare I like that?'
He said
'I think you will lo... I think you dont care ones....'
I said
'I still very scared she will comes... I scared she talk about add math incident... then when both of our eyes looked at each other, felt like we walk back to the exact scene, very painful I dont want..... Tomorrow you must come know? In case she comes.... then if you and vivian around, she dont dare to talk about that....'
He said
'Ok! Tomorrow sure I come....'






After think about Pn Lye's pity,
I even wondered this generation still got house sell for RM 100K?
some more is a new house?
I even Google search RM100K house for sale.
Who knows it came out daddy's Bukit Beruang project advertisement via Google online.
LOL! Funny!

http://www.mudah.my/Rumah+Berkembar+Dan+Kluster+di+Bukit+Beruang+MCL+-25139297.htm