Neurotic

Yet,

I am really frenzy,

I have a sort of realistic thinking

'Money solve everything.'

*I mean it includes in solving a past.

Yeah!

I am an exaggerated naive person,

I just trying to help and done what people request,

even an amount of 100K by myself, 

I just told her that I've made this decision,

I don't know what she will replies when she sees the message,

agree, disagree or speechless?

I hope she is in the first option and willing to solve both our dilemmas. 

I know both of us are equally suffer or she might be live unhappier than me.

Our suffers are both of us couldn't control ourselves,

we have our own respective dark shadows towards each other;

we also have different perspectives towards our own shadows;

she chooses to stay down; while I choose to move on.

That's our different point of view.

I think,

at the moment when she sees my decision,

will she speechless and blank for my decision?

I guess most probably she will 'intentioned no reply' towards my craziness and determined?

That amount of money,

I am alright with that; as long as it solve an inextricable matter. 

I am even willing to sacrifice myself for two years for working as a dish washer to get that amount of money to pay someone.

Perhaps,

people will tell me

'Why are you so stupid? Do you know 100K can do a lot of things and buy a lot of things? But you choose to given to someone else?'

Because my answer will always tell you

'I am willing to spend whatever amount of money to get my future happiness.'

Certainly,

I am willing.

Because I tend to used my own determined to tell myself that I am a strong person no matter how stupid I am.

My hubby told me that no one will do that excludes a fool.

Yeah, he mentioned excludes a fool.

I think I am considered as 'includes',

so I would done this foolish request to get my happiness in the future as I always believe there is happiness behind a fool. 

Occasionally,

I am still being contradicted to my decision,

my determined will haunt at my back,

impatience and self-destruction told me that I no need so suffer and its time to give up forgetting the past.

And even,

sometimes I would used the shouldn't reason to tell myself

'I no need to forget the past so hard because Lye Chuin Li is the one who told me that I no need to forget and forgive her mum.'

Oppositely,

her meaning is asking me not to forget and forgive her mum.

Her that sentence, I remembered tightly,

next time if I show up again in front of her house,

I will smile with her and speak confidently

'Have you forgot? Is you the one who asked me not to forgive and forget your mum. Are you regretting what you had outspoken or so called written-spoken?'

Yes, if I don't manage to raise that $100K,

if she asks me

'Why you come?'

Then I will talk back her

'Is you the one who ask me don't forget and forgive your mum that is why I came. Very logic right?'

LOL! I believe I have the courage to say so.

Conversely,

if pl ask me

'Why you come?'

I will say

'Sherron ask me not to forget and forgive the past, so I came.'

Haha! This is my individuality!

Clever in using what people had unconsciously outspoken to refute and deadly against them as well as I won't take risk in saying something that might have the chance to let people talk back me.

*Means if I know people might talk back me that way then I would rather don't say that; think twice before talk something and refute immediately is the way to verbally  conquer a person.

This is also a little hidden secret that why I always could win in a debate or make people speechless :D

Yes! I liked this quote so much!

'Ideas define the individual',

people always very surprised from what I said,

just like what Chloe said me

'Your ideas very creative when scolding hung kiat, like this also can let you think of, some more can talk till so long. Zha Dao! You could said from : don't carry me go back till my trauma havent recover also because of you. Haha! I really nothing to say.... funny!'

I said

'Yes! My person is like that ones... no matter how I wrong or how people correct, I just have way to talk back them. Because my mind got too many ideas.... can't think finish and cant talk finish! Haha!'

Just like lcl scolded me one message, I could scolded back 10 times longer.

Once again,

'Ideas define the individual',

I would used this quote as explanation to define my thoughts and prove that my thoughts define who I am !