Unconsciousness after pill

Yesterday,

chit-chat with Lim Kim Neo till 4.30 a.m morning and woke up at 9.30 a.m.

5 hours of sleep, luckily didn't affect my energy on the next day.

Actually,

I've took pill at 2:30 a.m (after hang up call with Hung Kiat).

When I start to closed my eyes and ready to sleep; my phone vibrated on the bedside.

At that time, Lim Kim Neo just replied.

Even the chemical has been worked in my body;

my body system had started to shut down.

But I still keep telling myself

'Must hold on! Dont close eyes first! I must get the answer of add math incident tonight only sleep. Must hold on. Must hold on. Once I close eyes means cant get the answer.'

At that moment, the chemical already worked in my body,

my whole body already don't have any energy to move at all,

my fingers already don't have energy to reply her anymore.

But I still insist to replied her to get the answer of add math incident,

my powerless lead me keep typing error as I already don't have the energy to press the phone anymore...

But,

I already tried my best to press the correct thing.

When I really hold on till 4:30 am,

she told me go sleep.

Surprisingly,

I still could answered her

'I dont want sleep first, you tell me the answer first. I can hold on.'

After around 10 seconds didn't heard the notification sound of the phone,

I straight fell into dream.

Indeed,

 I really admired myself that I could withstand till so long as the chemical reaction usually will make me flake out within 30 minutes.

But surprisingly I still could hold on till 2 hours!

In fact,

the feeling is really unbearable;

just like a doctor had injected coma drugs into your body and you still resolutely open your eyes and refused to let yourself sleep just because insist to get an answer you wanted.

I keep telling myself

'Dont sleep first dont sleep first, hold on awhile you can get the answer tonight, hold on awhile you can get the answer tonight. Withstand awhile more.... we get into topic already... concentrate a little while... dont so fast close eyes first... suffer a little bit then you can get the answer you wanting all the way till now.'

And today,

what I most angry when I reread the conversation is she said I was giggling on the table during the add math day.

Walao!

See people good bully ah?

Giggling on the table also let her beat ah?

 Is not really reasonable at all for her to cane me if I was just giggling!

What's wrong with her??!!

*She also giggling in this picture, so can I used this reason to beat her as well?

Honestly,

I remembered I chat with her but my brain is in the semi-conscious state as the chemical of the pill already start working when she chat with me. 

On the next day,
I remembered I chat with her but don't really remembered what I chat with her,

then I just opened the conversation again and reread what I actually chat with her.

My goodness!

I realized that my unconsciousness lead me simply talked !

To be frankly,

I don't even understand what I am actually talking about,

I even reread and reread again what I actually typed and I still wondered how she could replied me even I also dont understand what I am talking about.

LOL!

My unconsciousness after pill really made myself laughed what I am writing.

Those words really came out without brain processing!

I also don't know what meaningless sentence I wrote.

What your mum go eat sleep pill suicide I ?

what pop pop pop?

Totally rubbish!

And when I read this,

I straight 'Adoi' ! Why I replied her 'Got la'?

I should answered her 'No' as whenever I wake up there is no bruises.

Sigh! This is the consequences of refused to sleep after pills.

Own self simply talked also don't know.

Just scared next time she will says me

'Last time you own self told me got, now say no?'

But,

I really don't know I wrote like that :(
Because at that time,

my brain already went into semi-unconsciousness after pill even I die die refused to sleep.

Somehow, I only remembered the part I cried.

The one and only thing I remembered was the part I rolled down my tears when I first saw her reply after my machine gun scolding messages.

Initially,

Hung Kiat and me thought she speechless already so nothing to reply,

so I just prepared to sleep after that long scolding messages.

Who knows?

At the moment I closed up my eyes,

I heard the message notification and received her reply.

Perhaps,

that moment I cried was just after 10 minute taken pill,

so I still had the memory and consciousness at there.

I cried because I am too touching the first reply she replied me

" If you want to prove that you are not weak, try proving that by not coming. If you don't even bother to show up, then and only then you are the final winner because that shows that you are living your life without having any interest in my life.'

Yes! This is entirely correct,

this quote is too philosophical,

and I am just that fragile and sentimental,

I could cried when seeing a little quote.

In my deep down, I acknowledged that I am weak.

But in front of others, I insist to tell people that I am strong.

Perhaps, the real me is weak indeed.

Even Hung Kiat asked me in this morning,

what you actually chat with her yesterday?

I told him

'At the moment I chat with her, I already took pill, so I have no memory about what I wrote and what she wrote, but I just have an overall impression that I keep telling her I am strong and don't scared of her mum and her only.'

Surprisingly,

Hk even said

'Why you said like that to her? Dont say like that to her mah... The more you emphasize that you are strong means the more you exposed your inner is weak, the more you tell her you not scared of her means the more you are actually scared of her.'

When hung kiat told me like that,

I was shocked by his words.

I asked him

'Why?'

He even answered me

'Because this is a true psychological reaction. For example when a person want to beat you, then your mouth will say: You dont come ah... I dont scared you ah... but in fact, your real inner is scared ones... means the more you say you not scared equals to the more you scared. Human always say terbalik thing ones.'

I said

'Oh ya! I think she also got mentioned what something like reverse psychology. I don't know what she is talking about then never reply her that part already, then continue talk my things already.'

He said

'Anah! Haiya! Why you go and said you not scared her? Dont say like that mah... you said like that then she knows you scared her edi the more she comes after you next time.'

I said

'That time I never think so much, I just think of I keep telling her I not scared of her, means she will think I not scared of her then she wont overcome me edi.'

He said

'Haiya! You too innocent already! This type of thing is a psychology thing. The more you said you not scared of her sure the more she think you scared of her ones.'

I said

'Really got like that ones?'

He said

'Anah! Very common sense people will think like that ones! Now sure she thinks you very scared of her ones!'

I said

'Then now how? Should I tell her again I scared of her, so she will think I not scared of her?'

He even laughed very loud and said

'Hahahaha! Nobody will talk that way! Only got people will say: I not scared of you! But nobody will say: I scared of you!'

I said

'Why ah? weird....'

He said

'Is a kind of psychology thing when you afraid of a person then you will keep telling that person you are not afraid of him/her to defend yourself.'

I said

'Haiya! That lye chuin li study law, not study psychology ones! She gong gong dont know ones lah!'

He even said

'This type of thing too common sense le bah? Even I never study anything also know. Haha!'

I said

'Last time I study engineering and now I study journalism, both of these courses also got compulsory Psychology this subject. When exam come out the whole thick book, why I never read before got such thing?'

He even disturbed me and said

'This type of thing too common sense already, everybody also knows, so book no need to write and exam also no need come out bah?'

I even said

'Ni ! One day no need call me!'

*he is like saying I dont know common sense and very stupid

(Then straight hang up the call already)

*naughty ^^