My heart changed

I am weird,

I used two blogs to expressed myself.

One is clarissa-ngoh.blogspot.com,

while another one is trauma-of-seventeen.blogspot.com,

the first one is a blog of mix,

the second one is merely about the trauma of seventeen.

Now,

the second blog getting active because the count down almost reach.

33 days more,

I am take things too hard now.

I wish to release tension but I couldn't.

These days,

I really became ill due to overly thinking too much :(

Every morning just had a fren fries or sandwich; never eat anything for the whole day long lasting one week,

three days didn't take shower.

Didn't rest well,

 sleeping at late 3 or 4 o'clock due to keep thinking the 33 days are approaching and no time to do other things.

Continuously had a very scary nightmares for 3 nights.

Besides,

in the addition of rushing assignments.

I really mentally knock down;

besides than keep thinking the incident and wri ting assignments,

I really dont have time to fulfil my basic needs like taking shower, having meal and having sufficient of sleep.

Everyone who concerned have noticed I fall sick terribly,

high fever and out of strength.

Even Emily also able to notice I am sick,

when I talked through we chat,

she suddenly asked me

'Ei... Clar... You cried ah? Why your voice like that ones?'

I answered her

'No, my mum said I am sick, because voice changed due to keep running nose. I told my mum my whole body very hot until I wear bra sleep at night only, then when I woke up on the next day, the whole bed is hot like sunlight exposed that type, my mum said is high fever.'

She said

'Why will suddenly high fever ones? Too stress?'

I said

'Because these days got too many assignments, then add math day coming, left 33 days... plus I keep thinking at night what lcl said me, then will keep thinking and thinking and cant sleep. For example she said me havent recovered then I will keep thinking till cant sleep.'

She said

'I think things are not as what lcl said, I think you recovered a lot edi... you must think lcl is your enemy, sure she tell you every negative things to make you sadder. You dont because of the things she said then make yourself knock down and fell sick, you must prove to her that things weren't what she said and tell her from what she said is not truth instead of believing her.'

I said

'She keep on said me mental problem and said all her neighbors know!'

She said

'OMG clar! You ask her if you are mental problem you can get into Uni?'

I said

'Ya la! I also said like that, she said spastic also can get in.'

She said

'You ask her dont crazy and said you are not mental problem.

I said

'Got, I got told her I am not mental problem.'

She said

'Hmmmm.... got said then ok edi lo... then she wont think you as mental problem edi lo...'

I said

'No... she still continue said... I said no, she said yes.'

She said

'Then you tell her yes I am mental problem, then she wont say you any more edi lo... as long as you are not thinking yourself as mental problem can edi lo...'

I said

'If I said yes, she sure write lol or hahahahaha ones.... Very hate her ones...'

She said

'Ask her go die lah... dont care what she said... I also very hate this kind of people ones...'

Seriously, these days,

I have too much oncoming assignments and 33 days to bear,

I need some time to lie down and cry.

I need to express and vent.

I need a comfort pillow to soak my tears.